≡ Menu

Army Husband Experiences

as submitted by Bill

I am not an Army wife.

The heading of this section, “Experiences of Army Wives” is why I’m writing.

I am an Army husband.

Consider the stresses of the Army wife, loneliness, sense of abandonment, and jealousy of their husbands’ freedom in their huge Army family.  Add the worry and the doubts about how important you really are to the person who leaves so often.

Then add the simple facts that at least 99% of supports that are out there are supports for women. Your wife trains with body armor and 50 cal machine guns and you’re at home making sure the kids have food, clean clothes and get an education.  I’m more “liberated” than most, but after a while it makes you start questioning your manhood. You joke to others about wearing an apron but you can’t avoid the embarrassment. Who can you call for support? An Army wife? No – – – – – not a good idea for so many reasons. Even if you do find another male in the same situation men find it real hard to talk about feelings.

Army wives feel more and more distressed as deployment time approaches. This is totally understandable, but it also happens to men. But the people around him are less accepting if he, a man, shows how he’s feeling or, God forbid, looks for support. Of course this is stereotyping but you can never completely be free of it, if not you then in others.

If there’s a point to this it is: Be aware of the Army husband and that he’s suffering too. Do what you can reasonably do to lend support if you’re so inclined. And maybe think of Army spouses as humans experiencing much of what you do, regardless of gender.

as submitted by Clenton

Hello, I am new to the Army Spouse world and I am a Army Husband with two kids. I was originally going to be the one to join the Army, but due to a medical condition, I was unable to pass the physical. So my wife had told me she would like to join and that she this is something that she would really love to do. I tried everything to talk her out of joining, because she was joining in a time of war, and she then told me her reasons for wanting to join, and they were to provide our family with a better life and provide our kids with a better future. One rule of being married to someone, is to support and back up your spouse in any decision they make and this was something she really wanted to do, so I started supporting her and even helped her study everything she needed to know before she joined, I would even quiz her on the info we had been studying.

I got called all kinds of names from Army Wife to House Wife by friends and co-workers, and I would joke back with them, but after while, it got old. But I didn’t let them drag me down, my wife and I didn’t make this decision to impress anybody, we made this decision to better ourselves and our family and it has. My wife and I had only been married for 5 yrs and we had 2 beautiful children when she decide to join. But while she was gone for boot camp, I really began to realize not only everything she had done for this family before she joined, but I realized how much I didn’t do and it was a big wake up call for me. So not only am I having to take care of everything she did before she left and taking care of our two kids, but I have really enjoyed it. It has giving me a chance to bond with my children. I didn’t realize how much I was going to miss her and it has not only changed me as a person, but made me a better father and husband.

After while you adjust and get used to the change, but it is not always easy. My wife was OSUT, meaning when she left for boot camp, she didn’t come home after boot camp, she went straight into AIT, about 17 weeks total. Well she graduated and was able to come home for Christmas for 2 weeks, then had to report to her duty station without the kids and I, and we had to wait in our home state until we got a house on base before we moved to her location.
Well her first day at her duty station was difficult for me, because I was so used to seeing her every day, and she wasn’t even able to talk much because of the briefing that she was going through. Well when I finally was able to talk to her later that night, she told me that they said that her unit will be deployed soon to Afghanistan. They told her that her first day back from training.

Yes we knew it was a good possibility of her being deployed, but I figured they would let her at least get her family moved up there with her and her be there for a few months before deploying her, so I am needing some words of advise, and I want to know how other Army Spouse’s handle the news of there spouse being deployed. I know it is very common for a soldier to be deployed, but this will be the first time for our family and I am trying to find a way to mentally prepare myself and our family for this. But it doesn’t bother me to be called an Army Spouse, I am proud of my soldier and will support her in any decision she makes.

Thank you

About the author: This article was contributed by a visitor to the site. If you would like to contribute to the site as well, please email me.

{ 15 comments… add one }
  • Crystal February 27, 2012, 5:32 pm

    I am commenting here, because I am looking for Army Husbands who would be willing to share their stories with me. I am a theatre artist living in San Diego, California. I am in the process of writing a play about how technology affects the ways we communicate as a family, and specifically how it affects military families.

    The play will be directed towards family audiences here in San Diego, which is a huge military town. Our goal is to accurately reflect the voice of military families, and more specifically military fathers. It is a play that is being created through a collaborative process. I am mostly serving as the playwright although the words are created through improvisations and collaborations with other theatre artists, teenagers, and real-life military families such as yourself.

    A little about myself: I am a theatre artist who lives in San Diego, California. I am not from a military family, outside of the fact that my brother was enlisted for about 2 years or so. That said, San Diego is a big military town, and I am very interested in telling stories that are less heard.

    Why I am contacting you: Would you be willing to speak with me over the phone or through skype regarding your experience as an army dad? It is critical that this play not only rings true for families everywhere trying to find the balance with technology in their lives, but that also rings true to military families, and specifically the less-heard voice of stay at home military fathers, such as yourself. If you are willing, please email me at crystalmercado@gmail.com. Also, here is our blog which has been documenting the play creation process: http://opehqueh.wordpress.com/

    thank you, and I wish you and your family the best.

    -Crystal Mercado

  • Fritz May 20, 2012, 4:36 pm

    Thanks for sharing guys. My wife goes to bootcamp in October and I am running into the same thing you guys are… There is something romantic and idealistic about the husband going off to war while the little woman waits at home.. Not so for a husband. As men, we pretty much suck it up and get on with our lives and don’t get a T.V. show made about us.. I think that people just expect us to spend that time drinking beer and playing video games… My wife still has months to go before she even puts on a pair of combat boots and I’m already worried about her. Plus, when you read the stories of how the U.S. Army thinks rape is an appropriate form of recreation for servicemen, it really makes you worry, she will have two enemies to deal with.

  • DG September 12, 2012, 9:18 pm

    I’m a new recruit both as a husband and army husband. My wife and I have only been dating for six months with the ticking clock of her having to leave for boot camp hanging over both of our heads. We are used to seeing each other every day now. It’s gonna be tough sending her off to an uncertain future so early on in the relationship. For the six months we’ve known each other it will take six months for her to complete boot camp and her training, and I too have heard stories of rampant sex and rape in the barracks. I trust and love my wife but worry that she’ll either get caught up in it or, when she comes back, how the relationship will have changed by then. It’s such a new relationship I worry that we haven’t fully settled into ourselves yet as husband and wife. I’m a writer. I’m not very athletic, and I don’t fit in with the testosterone-filled atmosphere the military seems to attract and breed. I worry she’ll meet some buff army dude and want to ditch me. I joke about it with her and make light of it, but the fear is there for me.

  • Hugo Roca December 3, 2012, 7:02 am

    I am replying to this post because even though I didn’t finish reading it I would like to share a story.

    My now ex girlfriend is in the MA Natuonal Guard, she got deployed to Qatar, everything was working out fine until she left for her deployment. We dated for a while, moved in and lived together for a year, her deployment came and I even went to see her where she was aclamating in MS before leaving to Qatar.

    Once she landed in Qatar everything changed, even though we skyped, called each other by phone, wrote emails and tried to communicate, it didn’t stop the regular Army “breaking family” bullshit.. I learnt through a buddy of mine that she cheated and has been even seen “fraternizing” with a lower rank dude. I thought of exposing her and get her kicked out, but I didn’t feel douche bag enough to do it although she deserved it. Now she says that she wants me back and wants to retake out lives when she comes back. She apologized for what she has done there and now wants to start from scratch.

    My question here is: “isn’t deployment supposed to be a job that soldier go do and come back?”. Also: “why is it that when you research online all you see is ARMY WIFE CHEATED, but rarely see “Women soldiers often do cheat on their husbands while they are on deoyment?”.

    • Stacey February 12, 2013, 7:43 pm

      I think you just naturally hear about who is back home. I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this.

    • Derek March 24, 2013, 7:16 pm

      You have to realize that being national guess i like living two totally different lives because you are a civilian most of the time and you always have that comfort of your family or spouse, you still come home and are only away small periods of time. On the other hand you have to bounce into a serious state when you are on duty and especially being deployed. It is culture shook for most military, but more of a shock to reserves and national guard since they are not used to that everyday training environment like active duty. She is only human, ppl make mistakes it is human nature to seek that comfort and physical stability. It is a common reaction to find someone to talk to about your feelings when on deployment, and in some cases it leads to other things. Still you have to put yourself in her shoes, she got through her deployment came home alive and maybe that took the emotional support of another man. And fraternizing with a male is not hard to do when you are a female on deployment. The ration of men to women is almost 100 to 1. Fraternization is only a big term for being seen talking, walking, or writing each other. If you love her, you have to forgive and forget. If not than its not meant to be. She didn’t fall on love with another man, she obviously loves you.

  • Derek March 24, 2013, 7:03 pm

    I am an army husband. I have been with my wife for 4 years and we have a beautiful little girl. She got news that her unit was scheduled for deployment in November 2012. After the state cut back over half of her company, she was told that she was not going to deploy anymore. We had discussed getting married, but had agreed that if I did deploy it would be best if we waited until she got home so we wouldn’t have to rush anything and spend our first year of marriage apart. After she got what we thought was the final word, which was that she absolutely would not go due to no existing slot for her that corresponds with her job as a mechanic for the last 6 years. We decided we would get married like we wanted to and she would finish her degree. A month after our wedding she received a call to report to her duty station because she was being deployed as a last minute add on. 14 months total, I will be a stay at home dad for a two year old that is definitely a mommy’s girl. My wife leaves in two days for MOB. She had to withdrawal from her last semester of college two months before her scheduled graduation, and will have to finish her two whole classes and an internship in a year and two months. She has worked in maintenance for 6 years and her unit is making her deploy as an ammunition specialist in an attack battalion. This is only the beginning of the story. She will fly out in less than 48 hours and I will not see her for 14 months, our little girl will not be with her mommy for a very long time.

    • Stacey March 27, 2013, 3:52 pm

      My thoughts are with you, Derek. Deployments are tough but especially with a little one. I hope you have a support system in place.

  • AW May 28, 2013, 7:51 pm

    So my husband and I have talked about me joining the Army. I have always wanted to be in the Air Force, but I wanted to be a pilot, and so being a pilot requires at least a 20/20 vision. 🙁 So I decided to join the Army instead. However I am worried about my husband. We have no kids, we’ve been together for 3 yrs and married for 2. He used to be in the Army.. but a whole bunch of crap went down, and now hes honorably discharged. I just don’t want him to feel like he’s less than me because now Im going in. He says he supports me and everything I do.. I just worry about whats going to happen to us if and when I come back. Any of you fellows have any advice?

  • David Garten January 15, 2014, 3:43 pm

    I am an army husband and use to be in the army a few yrs back and I like to say it seems like all the support is for women. Can you please look for more support for the husband

    • Stacey Abler January 16, 2014, 9:52 am

      I appreciate your service. I would love to be able to provide additional resources for Army husbands but as an Army wife, I can’t write from that perspective. My husband was in an all male unit (special ops) so I don’t have that experience to draw from even with just being around those married to female soldiers. However, anyone is welcome to contribute articles, blogs, etc about the subject and I’m more than happy to post them. Thanks for sharing your opinion.

  • Jim storken October 8, 2014, 11:20 pm

    I’m not a husband but a long time boyfriend. My gf will be attending basic training then straight into ait like 10 months total I think I’m worried she will just forget about me and find someone else, maybe someone else in the army I don’t want to think of that but I had a coworker that happened to him. I love this girl with all my heart and have been in love since day one and I know SHE is the ONE. she says I can write her letters but I I’m 100% supportive and respect her decision but not seeing the love of my life for like almost a year, I don’t if I can do that with out going crazy. Ahh this has changed my life need advice and maybe if I can ever visit or attend graduation idk I’m new to this. Considered joining the national guard when I was a young lad but checked out thanks

    • Stacey Abler November 7, 2014, 8:19 pm

      You will be able to attend her graduations, etc. Also, if her AIT is ten months, it is generally less strict and she will have some time off and you would be able to see her more after the first phase if you’re able to travel (she will likely be restricted from travel). Think positive! Hope all works out for the best!

  • Tyler October 13, 2015, 2:01 pm

    So I am posting on here because I am in a rough spot. My now Fiance and I have moved to her first duty station. Nowhere close to where we are both from. We have been arguing about petty things and I’ve been trying to figure out what is wrong. She says she loves me but she says she wants to end it. She distances herself physically and mentally. Shows no feelings towards me. About a month ago she was saying how excited she was to be able to live together and she wants to start a family but now it is the complete opposite. I have to ask for a hug and kiss before she leaves for base. I knew the military would change how she views things. I don’t have a job out here yet. And she wants to end things between us. I can’t even afford to pack my things and go home because I spent thousands moving her and my stuff out here. I am crushed by this and as a guy who has dropped everything to go so far and to do it to be with her. And not have anything out here but her.. I just need pointers on how or what you suggest I do. To try and make this work between her and I.

  • Ashnell Henry September 7, 2017, 7:54 am

    Hey! I just want to ask a question. Do you think its a good idea for both spouse to be in the army at the same time? How likely will we be able to get stationed together if we choose the same jobs?

Leave a Comment