If you would like to submit your own experience, please email me at stacey AT marriedtothearmy DOT com.
As submitted by Michelle
My name is Michelle and I am a Military mama as we all are I would assume if you are reading this. I told Stacey I wanted to be involved and share what our experience has been so far. I am kind of a newbie to this arena of Military life, when we first met my husband had been out of the Navy for a year after being in for 6, then a year later he was in the Guard and a year after that he is back in full active in the Army. I knew this was going to be a struggle for me on my own with two kids working full time and going to school part time, while he was gone for training for 6 months. In the beginning communication was easy to come by he had school all day and finished right when I got done with work, so we could talk anytime, even with an hour time difference between us. However last month they switched him to night school so now the talking is few and far between breaks in school and when one or the both of us is not sleeping. This is added stress to our relationship.
Then there is the jealousy of his freedom during Training. I never realized how upset I could get at him for being able to go out every weekend and go bowling or playing cards with the guys, when I am stuck at home with the two kids lovely as they are, but have no way of going out myself and blowing off some steam because I have no family or friends directly around me to give me some time off. Its hard to not get hurt and upset when I am very lonely and need to talk and I call him only to catch him drinking and having a great time at a BBQ with his roomies. I just have to remind myself he deserves this time because it will change soon enough for him.
However, I got over myself pretty quickly when my husband told me how painful it was for him being away, that despite the fact he can go out now and then, that its never as much fun as it would be when we are together, and that when he does go out he often thinks about me knowing I don’t get the time away that I deserve. That it is very hurtful for him to picture me sitting at home alone on a Saturday night when he should be there with me, and then there is the daily life I never realized how much he missed us on a daily basis. He had been hurt and angry for me being able to be with the kids and see the kids everyday when he is away from all of us and wants to be there with us. Its this kind of communication that really puts life into perspective, and despite the lack of communication there has been lately when we do talk it is golden.
Last month we found out that in 5 months he is deploying to Korea for a year Unaccompanied, well that blew the daydreams of being back together soon and moving to a U.S. duty station out of the water! All the planning I had done. All the day dreams of quitting my job to be with my kids and moving on base were pushed back about a year or more depending on what the housing situation is when he returns. I was shocked and stunned and hurt.
This is when I realized as a newbie in the military world that I just have to learn to go with the flow, I can plan all I want but in the end it’s ultimately up to the Military. This revelation for a control freak, list person that I am is a very hard pill to swallow. HOWEVER after mourning this news of his deployment and getting a spoon full of sugar to swallow this very hard pill down I realized, This is the choice both my husband and I made together. As a wife, mother and an American I Stand by this choice with loyalty and honor and will make the best out of whatever situation should arise for my family.
I hope you have all enjoyed reading and maybe relating to our experiences so far. I am hoping to write again soon with our new path that we are taking as time goes on.
Thanks for your time and write to you all soon.
As submitted by Yulia
Good day to all of army wives!
Who not just wives, but also heroes, on who frail shoulders one of the hardest work-maintenance of worthy rear theirs husbands-soldiers lays!
And its not just loud words, the contract with the U.S. Army, wives have automatic concluded by getting married with the soldier.
And all from them is in total not knew, that behind a romantic epithet “army wife”-there is a selfless work, constants moving plays to plays, self-sacrifice and sending off the husband on war, and then , long and disturbing days of expectation him returning home!
I wish to name twice heroes all of wives, who come from another country, who besides all that, also have leaved behind them country, family and friends.
Wives, which having arrived in the states, don’t having the main advantage-they were not born in America, and English- it is the second language, which they hardly learning so they can to manage independently to pay the bills and shop for grocery if their husbands get deployment.
Wives, who are compelled to watch TV, listen to radio and talking on another’s language, waves, who some times cannot to express all feelings because of insufficient knowledge of English language.
But all wives working hard and learning more from day to day, because they very much love they husbands –U.S. army solders, and they ready to work harder to provide reliable rear for solders-loving husbands.
God bless you and give you forces, you-who have made a choice to be the army wife!
Hello Everyone and Stacey,
As you all would know I am an Army wife and I’m very new at it. My whole life I was told the army was a bad thing and all it did for the world is cause death, depression, and hurt. So as any child would, I grew up hating the Army and the ways of the military. I always thought that people who chose war and battle were the only reason why the world had turned out to be so brutal and violent.
I am only 18 years old and I had falling in love with a man who had dreams to be in the army. After finding out his dreams I pleaded with him not to join. But his mind was made up and there was no talking him out of it. After knowing he was the man for me I ended getting pregnant with a baby boy. It was not planned and it was looked down upon greatly by his parents. Even though I had gotten pregnant he could not turn back on his decision, he had already signed up for the military and taken his vows. It was a horrifying feeling knowing he was leaving soon and I would be on my own as a first time mother. To add to the fear I was unable to finish my last year of school due to lack of money for a babysitter, so stress and depression was pressing down on me.
He had left for basic training and that was one of the worsted times of my entire life to be separated by the only one who kept me true company. Being pregnant at the time and not being pampered like most mothers to be was very depressing. I had gone into labor while he was in basic and only had my mom to help me through the delivery. But I was lucky enough that it was a scheduled delivery and he was able to be on the phone while I was in labor. If I hadn’t had been in such pain I would have been uncomfortable with him listening and not knowing what’s going on.
Once he had finished basic I had gone down the GA for his graduation. It was very uncomfortable for me. My parents came with me to keep me company, but I was still very uncomfortable being on the training base. But seeing him for the first time after so long was like taking that breath above water after being held under for so long. He looked SO different though. He had lost so much weight that I felt uncomfortable even letting him touch me. He did not look like the man I fell in love with. But when I handed him his son for the first time and seeing him smile was how I knew that it was still him.
After seeing him for the first time, two days later we were to get married, and I wasn’t even given the chance to get to know him again. But getting married was the only way for him to watch his son grow up. We always talked about getting married but so soon on the schedule was not our plan. Our wedding was small and short and very to the point. But the people who mattered were there. He was given a month to be at home before he was shipped out to Germany to start his PT. But during the time he was home he had to do home town recruiting. So our Honeymoon was nothing like I had imagined.
After he had gotten to Germany while I was stuck at home as a first time mom all alone and have post partum depression was almost life threatening to me. I had stopped eating and lost more weight then I was suppose to. I was 10lbs under weight and I’m still under weight even now. And the stress levels were unbearable for me. We had medical bills we had to pay and still do. We owe over 700 dollars to the hospital I gave birth in. Every month that we are unable to pay it makes the amount even higher. Court was looking like something in the near future for me. Having all this stress build up on me and the depression effecting my health, calling him to find out he’s drunk and out with friends every weekend and even some week nights was a HUGE deal. I had gotten so angry with him. I have all these problems and situations on my mind and having to deal with it on my own and knowing he doesn’t have a care in the world was more then angering for me.
To add to all our financial problems he was putting our checking account in the hole more often then non. Every time a check was sent in I never got the whole thing due to paying what we owed all the time. And even now I’m not getting the support I need. But with all this happening I had a friend who was there for me and even let me scream at them to relieve my anger about his actions. Having friends was the ONLY reason why I was not sent to an insane asylum.
Even though he was out and having fun, hearing him tell me that he drinks because of depression of missing me was settling to me. But I did not like that he was drinking, I did not want it to become a habit. Though I still do not think he realizes how bad of a financial situation we are in, it was nice to know he misses me just as much as I miss him. I rarely talk to him and never see him so having the mental connection was all I had and I protected that connection with my life and fear of losing it.
Now I am waiting to join him in Germany so I can be with him once again and see my new home for the next few years. I’ve been doing nothing but waiting and I am still doing nothing but that. Patience is something I lack but I’m having to learn to have it very quickly and without any say in it. I have learned that being apart of an Army life, it is nothing but lines to stand and wait in, and depression is going to be with me the whole time. But even though my life in the army is nothing but depression and frustration for me I will always stay with him and my heart will always be his. I will never give up no matter how close to the edge I get. There is not many people in my type of situation and very few people who know what I’m going through. But I try to look at the positive side of things.
I get to see places I would have never been able to, meet people I wouldn’t have, do things I never would have, and have this type of adventure. If I wasn’t being made to have this life, I would have still been just another average Joe.
My life as an army wife is hard but if you know the right people and have the right friends it can be made easy and adventurous. The one thing about the Army that I do actually like is the fact that I’m closer to my husband then I will ever be in our relationship. If we can handle this then we can handle anything…