Rumor Mill: Will my husband be sent home from deployment for the birth of our child? I heard they will for the first child but not for others.

Fact: Some units do in fact try to send soldiers home from deployment in time to witness the birth of their child (whether it is the first of fifth). My husband’s unit was one of these units. I don’t know a single father who missed the birth of his child while my husband served.

However, I also know that his unit is the exception to the rule and not the rule. For most units, it is difficult to ensure that the soldier is able to return for the birth of a baby. While the unit will generally try to schedule R&R time to coincide with the birth of the baby, this is not always possible. Even with the best of intentions, soldiers may not make it home in time to witness the birth.

Because of this, many hospitals (particularly military hospitals) are beginning to make special accommodations for fathers to be able to witness the birth of their sons and daughters. Through webcams and Skype, soldiers are able to witness the birth from thousands of miles away. If your soldier cannot be present for the birth, check into this options so he can be as close as possible when your new little one makes his entrance into the world.

RUMOR:

Your soldier has to pay for his own travel back home during R&R when he is deployed overseas.

FACT:

No, he does not. The military pays for this flight to the airport of his choice. The only stipulation is that whatever airport he flies into is the same airport he must fly back out of when he returns to theater.

Please note there is a scam where unsuspecting people are being told that a “soldier” must pay thousands to return home for R&R. The people are asked to wire money to the soldier to pay for his flight or he won’t be able to come home. This is a scam and not legitimate.

Rumor:

Drill Sergeants hold the soldier’s mail at basic training.

Fact:

True and false. Ask those running basic training if this is happening and they will swear up and down that it is not. However, when my husband was at basic training, I remember crying when I heard the message on my answering machine wanting to know why I had not written him any letters yet. I was crying because I missed the phone call and because I had been sending letters…daily.

Since that time, I have received countless emails and they all have similar stories as to what I described. It seems to routinely take two weeks after reception before the soldiers start receiving their letters.

Do they hold letters? Does it take that long to process mail for a new class? Who really knows! What I do know is that in most cases, you can expect that it will take two weeks or so before he receives his first letter from you regardless of when you sent it or how many you send.

This does not mean you don’t have to send mail to him in those first few weeks. Just let those letters pile up but definitely write. The last thing you want is for him to finally have mail call and still not have any mail.

RUMOR:

When you get married or have a child, your pay from the Army increases.

FACT:

Sorry, but this is not true. There are certain pays that kick in when you are married. For instance, you will receive BAH at the with dependents rate. However, this is only slightly more than the without dependents rate and if you were living in the barracks before, you are now giving up free housing for housing you must pay for. So in most instances, this usually doesn’t actually amount to an increase in pay by the end of the month after you pay your new rent or mortgage payment.

You will also receive BAS once you are married (or live off post). But in the same fashion as BAH, you are given BAS because you have an increase in expenses since your meals are no longer provided for free in the chow hall.

When you are separated for more than 30 days, you will receive a separation allowance. This is one of the true increases in pay. However, you have to be away from home (typically deployed or at a longer school) to get it.

Base pay is based only on rank and time in service. There is not a difference in base pay between the single soldier and the married soldier with five kids. Base pay is the same across the board.

While it seems there is an increase in pay with BAH and BAS kicking in, when you add in the additional bills that accompany living outside of the barracks and eating outside of the chow hall, it usually doesn’t amount to much of an actual increase in cash by the end of the month.

RUMOR:

Your soldier will deploy to Iraq or Afghanistan as soon as he graduates from basic training.

FACT:

Not quite. First, he has other training to complete. At the very least, he will need to attend and complete AIT (Advanced Individualized Training) for his MOS (Military Occupational Specialty or job). He may also have additional training such as airborne, RASP, language school, air assault, etc. He will not be deployed until he has completed all of his initial training.

Can he be deployed as soon as he finishes his training? Maybe or maybe not. However, this seems to be one of the most famous rumors going around basic and AIT. I can’t count how many panicked emails I’ve received from spouses, parents and significant others who have just heard this rumor.

Whether he deploys immediately is largely based on the unit he is assigned to and where they are in their deployment rotation. In my husband’s case, he was deployed within a few weeks of completing his training. He was basically given time to inprocess at his new unit and then put on a plane a few days later. It was just the luck of the draw with the timing.

While its not unheard of for this to happen (after all, it did happen to us), more likely than not, it will not happen to your soldier. I know many more soldiers who have not deployed immediately than those who have. But be advised that being new or being assigned to a unit that is already in the middle of a deployment, does not necessarily “save” him from being deployed. It is up to the unit when he arrives as to whether he will be sent to join his unit overseas or assigned to rear detachment (rear d) and allowed to stay back.

However, the fact remains that the drill sergeants, nor anyone else, in basic training know which soldiers will be deployed immediately and which ones will not. This rumor is rampant in these environments but there is no truth behind them at this point. They can’t possibly know if they will be deployed since they won’t know until the end of AIT (or even later if he has additional training) where he will be stationed.

So rest easy and don’t borrow anxiety and worry.

The question comes up regularly on military message boards and the debate soon ensues. Does the Army (or military) pay for dependents to have plastic surgery for cosmetic purposes? It seems everyone has heard of the pilot program from a few years ago where some dependents were given the option to have cosmetic procedures when they paid for some portion of the surgery (such as the implants). The surgery was performed by Army physicians at relatively little cost compared to a civilian plastic surgeon. But it wasn’t as widespread as some people believe.

Beverly was kind enough to post the Army’s position on cosmetic procedures on the message board and I thought I would share it here with all of you. Please note that this is in regard to procedures that are STRICTLY cosmetic. If there is a medical reason for the surgery, it is possible that Tricare will cover all or part of the costs. Of course, that is determined on a case by case basis.

Regardless, here is the official stance from the U.S. Army Surgeon General’s Office:

Recruiters must know the facts and present the truth when faced with questions regarding the Army’s medical Benefits in relation to cosmetic surgery.

According to the Army Surgeon General’s office, “If a person joins the military in hopes of receiving cosmetic surgery, they will almost certainly be disappointed because of the very limited number of cases performed. Military medicine is not in the makeover business.” Cosmetic surgery procedures are NOT covered benefits under TriCare. The Army does have plastic surgeons. Because the skills used in performing the cosmetic surgery procedures are often the same skills required in obtaining optimal results in reconstructive surgery, these surgeons have a valid need to perform cosmetic surgery cases to maintain their specialty surgical skills. They also need to meet board certification, recertification, and graduate medical education program requirements for specialties requiring training in cosmetic surgery. However, the first priority for Army plastic surgeons is taking care of injured Soldiers. Plastic surgery is an integral part of training for battlefield medicine.

Therefore, Army surgeons focus their priorities on reconstructive plastic surgery–such as, repairing cleft palates and reconstructive surgery for patients who have had mastectomies. Surgeons perform a limited amount of cosmetic surgeries on a time and space available basis. Patients pay some of the costs for these surgeries (ie; mastectomy patients pay for their implants) and insurance is collected when possible.

Family members who receive cosmetic surgery pay fees for the procedure and any implants. All patients, including Active Duty soldiers, undergoing cosmetic surgery procedures must pay the surgical fee, plus any applicable institutional and anesthesia fee, for the procedures in accordance with the fee schedule published annually by the Office of the Secretary of Defense Comptroller.

Email received from Elle Cievie…(used with permission)

One of the biggest lessons I learned during my husband’s deployment was to avoid the rumor mill at all costs. My husband’s unit left in March 2003. By May, the rumors were already surfacing and making the rounds through FRG phone rosters that the guys would be home by June. June came and the rumor was August… then October… then Christmas.

There were a few wives in the troop who were so distraught over the changing news that they were having trouble functioning on a daily basis. During all of this, I was one of three people in our FRG who was calling everyone twice a week to pass along the “OFFICIAL” word as to what was going on with the soldiers in Iraq. Sometimes I would be on the phone with some wives 2 & 3 times a day because they had heard yet another rumor and didn’t know what to believe.

A lot of heartache could have been avoided if everyone was warned in advance about rumors. I think a good tip would be “Don’t believe it until you see it.” Once my husband called me and told me what was happening, I would take that as something real… and most of the what my husband told me was completely different than the rumors I’d heard the day before from another wife.