as submitted by Lisa
My son Pv2Smith, is in BCT in FT LEONARD WOOD he left the 20th of August this has to be the most emotional roller coaster I’ve every been on his 20 got married in February 07 he has a son on the way in October 07  he has his heart on being here for the birth I pray he is  I know he wants a career with the Army .I’m extremely  Proud of him as well his father is we miss him every day . Pray all the time for him and all are troops are country . Are President to Guide us right , He’ll turn 21 on the 16th  that’s gonna be real hard we all ways celebrate, he is the 2nd child out of 4 he was always the one who would open the gift and if it could be took apart he did it just to see how it worked he would fix old tv, radio, remote control cars anything that had screws he took it apart , would put it all back 1 Christmas  I bought him a leap frog book that told stories he had it apart in 5 min setting there with parts every where me asking him why did you do that walked off went back in 5 min later he had it out all back he was 5 then so I knew he was about a challenge  . He’s our Hero here he‘s loved by all he meets he handsome tall and 3 generation of Military Family who held up the torch to continue serving our country . SO God be with them all and protect them night and day as they do us I will always expect to see him don’t know when but soon I hope Please pray for all as we do . I know there’s a chance he’ll go over seas and that might be the hardest  to deal with but where he goes   I go in love and spirit I all ways want him to know we are there with him not by sight but in love & memories we’ve got a lot   thanks for allowing me to email this site I cried doing this I do miss him so   Thanks Mother of Soldier Lisa Smith

******
As submitted by Ruth
Amanda the youngest of three & my only daughter.  Graduated from high school in the spring of 2006. She played softball & was on the cheer leading squad all through high school ran for Home Coming Queen, TONS of friends. Lived a dream that any girl would dram of having.

Then one evening that summer she came in told her step-dad & I she had joined the Army. She had done this all on her own. She knew that I would be against it. Just because we were in the mist of a war. She was leaving for basic training in two weeks. I put on a face that wouldn’t show how sad I felt inside. Knowing there might be a really good chance she would end up in Iraq.  She went through basic & her schooling with flying colors. Came home for two weeks for Home Town Recruiting. Went to Fort Polk, LA. I guess she was there a few days. Then I received a email from her telling me she was being deployed to Iraq at the end of July. I was right! She wrote ”I knew I would be going before I came home but didn’t want to tell me to my face  I didn’t want to see the look on your face & watch the fears roll down your face”. She will be there for 15 months. So far she hasn’t had any type of trouble. THANK GOD!!!!!!! I don’t get to speak with her to often but I do get weekly emails from her. And I still cry daily just because she is so far away & knowing if something would happen to her I can’t get to her in a few minutes. She is doing what she thinks is right. Keeping our FREEDOM! I am very PROUD of her!!!!!!!!! This will make her a better person inside & out. I pray several times a day that God will keep her safe & bring her home to us soon. Matter of fact I pray that God will watch over ALL of the Military keeping them safe & bring them home to their families. I will never forget why all of our loved ones are there. That still doesn’t help me with missing her like I do.  I miss her so much!!!!! Some nights when I can’t sleep I will lay in her bed & cry myself to sleep. I have trust in God that he will see me through all of this & I know I will get to kiss her sweet cheeks & tell her how proud I am of her. May God bring them all home to their loved ones.   Best Wishes, Ruth

*****
As submitted by Angelina
My son joined the Army at 17 years old. I always knew he’d go. When he was very young he would save his money to buy uniforms at the antique stores and wear the uniforms anywhere he could. His favorite was a Military dress coat that would practically drag on the floor but he would wear it to the grocery store and any other place he could. Watching him leave that day to bootcamp I cried so much but I couldn’t be prouder!! He and the others who join him are one of a kind. They cant be beat! Most people won’t go out to do what these soldiers do. They make the ultimate sacrifice! There aren’t enough words to express the pride I feel when I see, not just my own son but other soldiers. If I see one in a cafeteria I’ll offer to pay for his cup of coffee, maybe let one get ahead of me in line at the grocery store. Any way that any of us can help these men and women I know they appreciate it. I wish I was close to where my son is. He’s in Texas and will be deployed in February is what they’re telling him. I call his voicemail just to hear his voice. I thank everyone who has been good to my son and the other soldiers. God bless them all and keep them safe.

*****
As submitted by Pat
I’d been a single mom for most of my son’s life, so we had a special bond. Even though he was married and had a child when he enlisted at 22, it was the hardest thing to hear from him. At this time in our country, I knew he would be going to Iraq. The pride and fear I felt waged a daily battle on which one would win that day. He’s in Iraq now, soon to be coming home after his 15 months. The fear hasn’t lessened, but the pride has grown so much. I try not to think of the bad things that could happen, even though they are always at the back of my mind, and try and think of all the good things that we’ll do when he comes home. Not only has he spent the last 3 1/2 years either in GA or Iraq, his wife and 2 children have been gone, choosing to live near the base. I’m so proud of my son for the beliefs he has and standing strong in them, but I’m also proud of my daughter-in-law. It takes a very strong WOMAN (she just turned 22)  to leave her home and family and raise 2 small children in a place she’s never been in while her husband is off in a hostile land.

*****
As submitted by Jo
At the age of 31 I became a single mother to three little boys. We had our tough times and we had our happy times but through all this I never thought I would have a more challenging life ahead of me. At the age of 18 my youngest asked me what I thought about him joining the Army. With fear in my heart I answered him by saying “I’ll support you 100% if that is what you want to do.” In 2006, I became an Army mom. Always trying to be strong for my boys I stood tall while he left home to Ft. Knots for his training. On the day of Graduation, I couldn’t have been more proud of my son. There are no words to describe how I felt. Marvin was stationed in Ft. Hood after that in Killeen, Texas. After a few weeks he called me and informed me he was headed to Iraq. Still trying to be the tough one, I responded by telling him that God would protect him no matter where he was. Always keeping the trust and faith in God I didn’t
worry about it. I gave my son’s life to God that day and prayed for his safety. The day he was leaving to Iraq. Saying our good-byes was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Looking into his eyes, and he in mine, I couldn’t help but wonder if next time I saw him, will he be alive? The pain in my heart was like never before. Stayed strong and walked away. After walking two flights of stairs I couldn’t be strong anymore. My knees weakened, my heart was trying to jump out of my chest. I burst into tears. I wanted to run up the stairs, hold my son, and never let go. But being his mother, tough again, I had to just walk away. A couple of weeks after he left I thought, “How could I support not only my son but the whole battalion”. So I took it upon myself to adopt my son and his whole unit, The Equalizers. I organized a motorcycle run, sold cookie dough, ask for donations, saved my change. Did it all. I was able to personalize a care package or two to each soldier plus some for all. I sent over 160 care packages to my Equalizers. How proud of a mother I was, not just to my son but to all the Equalizers. They were my soldiers and I loved each and every one of them. Finally, it was time for my Equalizers to come home. Seeing the three white buses arrive, soldiers marching off the bus and forming a line. Tears of joy rolling down my face; it was like if God had opened the formation of soldiers just like he divided the ocean in two. There
he was in front of me, standing alone and standing tall. That was the happiest day of my life. I trusted in God, and God brought him home safe. It took a year before he informed me he was headed to Iraq on his second tour. My Equalizers left April 2009. I created a profile on myspace: lordshummingbird@yahoo.com, to communicate with my soldiers and to upload pictures for my Equalizers to view. On raising monies, this year it’s a little tougher. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia but every pay check I purchase goodies and started sending them one by one a care package. With Gods strength, I will continue letting my soldiers know that they are appreciated, loved, and will never be forgotten. I LOVE YOU SON, I LOVE YOU EQUALIZERS! I AM VERY PROUD OF YOU.

as submitted by Maryleta

Just received your letter and wanted to answer your question “What does it mean to you to be a military mom?” My son, Nathan, joined the Army 2 years ago. It was the hardest thing to let my son do what he wanted with his life. My son was only 20 years old when he enlisted. I knew the way things were going; he would end up in Iraq at some point in time. As we went through basic training, getting stationed at a base, extensive training to deploy the anxiety of his future grew more and more. When we finally got the date and went to the deployment ceremonies, the time was here. The hardest thing to do was let my little boy, now a handsome, strong young man, go off to war. Words cannot explain how proud I was of my son. I thought of all the things in life he had accomplished and how much we all love each other. Life has a greater meaning to our family. He is fighting for others to have a better way of life and he truly believes in what he is doing. As a military family, we might not always support the decisions; however we do whole heartily support our troops. I never really understood the ARMY motto, “An ARMY of ONE”, until my son was in the ARMY. We are all ONE. ONE of a family, my son is no longer just my son; he is the son of every military family. Their son’s are now my son’s. I have a wonderful support group that will help me through anything, because they are living the same life I am. My son has taught me to live one day at a time and make the most of everything you do and believe. I have learned to say what I need to say, I don’t expect him to understand my unspoken words. I look forward to the late night calls, the long e-mails, and laugh at his crazy jokes. I have learned to smile in the midst of the greatest heart ache that I feel. I have learned to be strong for him, as he does his job, which I know is very hard and exhausting. I have learned my heart ache is felt by each mother that has a soldier that is fighting for our country. Also I have learned sometimes it is better not to entertain other ignorance. I look for the words to give a heart that is hurting in the midst of what our nation is facing. And I also pray for those who do not support our troops, for they do not understand. So to me the greatest meaning of being a military mom is: Stand proud in the midst of pain, for our troops are human, they are the reason we all can put our heads on our pillows at night and sleep without fear!”

*****
As submitted by Marian
My daughter and son-in-law married in August 2009 and my son-in-law was shipped out to BCT September 2009. They have a two-year-old and one due in March 2010. Initially, my daughter moved into a small cottage located on the property her sister-in-law owns a few days before my son’s scheduled leave. Within four days of his leaving, my daughter called me crying. The water pipes had burst and she was having to stay with her sister-in-law and her family. I went to pick her up and she has never left.

When she informed her in-laws of her decision to stay with me, all hell broke loose. My son-in-law’s parents live an hour away from me and since my daughter has been living here, they have demanded visitation rights (every weekend) with my granddaughter, insisted that I taxi one way (my daughter doesn’t drive) for their visitation and have generally excluded my daughter from all family gatherings. My little granddaughter was being shuffled around like a child of divorce rather than having all of her family unite to support her through all the changes in her life.

The in-laws are not happy about my son-in-law’s decision to join the Army and have schemed for numerous ways to have him discharged. They have blamed my daughter for his decision, accused her of abusing my grandchild, accused her of having an affair and wrote my son-in-law while he was in BCT with these accusations and lies. They have also tried to convince my daughter (to no avail) that it would be in the best interests of my granddaughter if she were adopted by my son-in-law’s sister! Prior to his joining the Army, his family would frequently refuse to babysit, much less insist on visitation every weekend.

Prior to BCT Graduation, they were unsure if they could take time away from work to attend the Graduation ceremonies (five hour drive away) and did not decide until a few days before. By then my daughter and I had decided to drive up a day ahead and get a hotel room for Family Day after Graduation. As it turned out, the in-laws stayed in the same hotel upstairs from our room for the same amount of time we were there. They monopolized the entire day and my daughter and Granddaughter had a total of one hour alone with their husband/Daddy.

Rather than supporting their son’s decision, they are trying to convince him to get out. They have gone so far as to call his Captain at AIT to complain that he has mental depression and should not be in the Army. They insisted that he see the doc at mental, which took time away from his training and he has now been recycled.

I understand how heart-breaking it must be for your son/daughter to choose a way of life that differs from what you may want for them. All of my kids have chosen lives I would have preferred them to choose otherwise, but they are adults and like it or not, all I can do is support their choices and love them anyway. I do not interfere unless it affects my life, and this has.

I am writing not to complain, but to hopefully help others in similar situations. Please allow your adult children to live their lives as they see fit and support your son/daughter-in-law that is adjusting to life without their spouse and your grandchildren’s other parent. Please do not add more stress to an already stressful situation and realize that the military does not recruit or accept little babies. Your soldier is an adult, cut the apron strings and love them as an adult, not a small child. Soldier, if your parents are behaving as though you are a child, it is time for you to let them know where the boundaries are, do not leave that up to your spouse. When you let your parents know you are an adult, they just might treat you like one. Spouses, do not allow yourself to be caught in the middle or allow your children to be treated as a replacement for the child they feel they have lost or as a pawn in some game. The sooner the boundaries are made clear, the better for all related.

Proud of my soldier!

******
as submitted by Ginny
Well before I became a military Mom I had been a military wife for 22 years until my husband retired from the US Army. I thought being a wife was difficult, but nothing compares to being a military mom. As a wife we can travel and live most places with our husbands. We can be with them and share life with each other.

When my son enlisted during this time of war, my heart felt things it had never felt before. I felt sadness, pride, worry, fear… I felt courage that I received from my son. I got comfort from my husband from his experience. Watching my son walk away from us at the airport, for the very first time, I felt my heart ache like never before. He turned to give us one last wave and then I watched him until he was out of my sight and I felt such loneliness.. That night I sat in his room and cried..

I am so proud of my son and his bravery. I display everything there is to display to show my son is serving.. I miss him greatly and the worry never goes away, but I pray that God will keep him safe a secure always.. I look forward to him coming home for good….

*****
as submitted by Renee
My son enlisted into the Army at 20 years old, he was married in July of 2006, left for Boot Camp in October of 2006, and now his first child, my first grandchild was born February 28, 2007. My son has been able to come home after Boot Camp for two weeks, and he was able to come home for three days for the birth of his child. His commanding officers have been very gracious with allowing him to come home. My son told me when he was 10 years old that he was going to join the Army.

He is currently in training at Fort Lee Virginia and his wife, child and I will visit him in Virginia for his graduation from AIT. I have taken my son to the recruiting office to leave for Boot Camp, I have taken him to airports to fly back to bases, and each time my heart breaks more. I have had a very difficult time with him being gone, and now that he has a child, I feel more pain. I know in my heart that my son is doing what he has always wanted to do, be a soldier.

My son is a good person with a big heart, and he is a family man. He has made the greatest sacrifice joining the Army, and being away from his family. I am learning to cope with him being away from home, and for me I now feel pride, and love for my son’s decision to join the army. As a parent of a solider, I have to support his decisions, trust him, and love him. My son wants to retire from the Army, and with that in mind I must learn how to deal with being away from him. My heart will always long for him to be near me, but my pride, and joy in seeing my son doing what he has always wanted to do, can ease some of the pain.

I pray for every soldier’s safe return, and I pray for every family who has made the same sacrifices as my family, and please pray for my son, and family.

*****
As submitted by Cindy
My son joined the Army at 17. I wanted him to wait at least until he was 18. He had done a lot of research, and told me that all he had ever wanted to be was a soldier. I will never forget seeing him leave our home with his recruiter. We got to see him “turn blue.” He turned 21 when he was deployed to Iraq. He  returned safely. He decided to try for Special Forces. He is now a Green Beret and deployed to Afghanistan. He is my hero.

I think about him every day. I pray that he will stay safe.
I write at least once a week, sometimes more often. We send him packages every month. He spent his 23rd birthday overseas.

I am so very proud of him. He doesn’t want me to make a “big deal” about his service, so I brag all I can to everyone else I know! LOL

He hasn’t been able to come home because of his training, so I am really looking forward to seeing him when he gets finished with this deployment. Hopefully, he’ll get to come home.

Read this article written by Tara Crooks about resources for our military parents.

by Regan McDonald

Joining the Army can be a tough transition for all involved in the process. It’s a life change for the soldier and his new Army spouse and kids, and it’s a tough change for the parents. Whether you are the soldier’s parents, or the spouse’s, you will suddenly find yourself translating military code, learning a new way to tell time and struggling to find ways to support your son’s family through this tough time. While you can easily find ways to translate military “language” and learn how to tell time online, it’s a bit tougher to find ways to support your soldier.

Just Say Yes!

A lot of times, the most comforting thing for a new military spouse is for someone to offer to help. The simple words convey that you love them and want to be there for them. As a new military spouse, I found myself floundering all over the place not knowing where to go, what I need to do or who can help me figure out this new life. The support I received from my family and my husband’s family has been absolutely invaluable.

Ways you can offer to help are:
- Help them learn their way around their new town/post
- Watch the kids while they attend coffees and FRG meetings.
- Offer to visit and help unpack.
- Offer to lend an ear and encourage her to vent!
- Treat your soldier’s spouse to a massage or a movie.
- Send encouraging notes.

To visit or not to visit … That is the question.

Visiting your soldier and his family can be a great source of comfort. Or it can be a HUGE source of stress. While you want to see where they live and what their new life is all about; they may be unpacking, learning the area or just trying to make it through every day. A lot of times you may find that the spouse’s family is planning a visit but you feel unwelcome. Keep in mind that this is very natural. It is a lot less stress for your own parents to see you in disarray, but often you want your husband’s family to only see you clear-headed and in control.

Offer to visit or to help unpack, but let them know that it is okay to decline the offer or push the date back a couple weeks. Once the spouse gets settled and meets new friends, you will find that she will be much more amenable to the idea of company.

NOTE: Please don’t plan to visit your soldier within two weeks of a deployment or a return from a deployment. This is a time that is difficult for the family and can be complicated further by your visit. Instead, be supportive from afar and send an encouraging note to the spouse about how much you appreciate them a week or so after the soldier leaves. She will thank you!

The Kid Factor

Grandkids are a wonderful thing and many parents have had to wait a long time to be blessed with grandchildren. While it may be hard to be away from your grandchildren, try not to use those emotions to make the soldier or his spouse feel guilty that you don’t get to see them as often as you’d like. It’s just as hard or harder on them that they have no reprieve without being reminded of it. Instead, offer to have the kids come to see you for a week or two every summer, which will allow your soldier and his spouse to reconnect. If he is deployed, his spouse can have a little time to relax and get her feet under her.

Education is Key

Take the time to learn as much as possible about your soldier’s new life. The internet has a multitude of great sites that explore every aspect about the Army life. The more you know, the more you can help and support your family. Just reading this article shows that you care about them. Imagine how impressed they will be when you throw in a little military slang or don’t have to ask what 1700 is again!

Conclusion

Basically, the key to supporting your soldier is to support his spouse and kids. That support can come in the form of a visit, a phone call or even an e-mail, as long as it comes from you. Be proud of the sacrifices he has chosen to make to serve his country and don’t make him feel guilty for them or scared of them. Instead, hold your chin up high and know that he couldn’t do it without you!

Any time a family member deploys overseas into harm’s way, it can have an incredible impact on the entire family, both immediate and extended. When your child is married, as the parent, you can feel somewhat left out in the cold when it comes to dealing with the deployment and the emotions that it brings. The following information is intended to help cope with those emotions and the situations that may arise, regardless of whether you are the parent of a single soldier or married soldier.

Before his deployment…

Make sure you know his social security number and unit information. This seems simple enough but if the case arises when you need it, many people are scrounging for this information. Get the information from your soldier before he leaves and keep it in a safe place. Keep in mind that the unit information and address that the Red Cross, for example, may ask for will be different than his mailing address overseas.

If permissible by OPSEC guidelines, have your soldier give you an idea of where he will be within the country and what his job will be while he is there. While he may not be able to give exact information, the more you know, the more comfortable you will feel.

Discuss how you will stay in touch. Ask your soldier if he would prefer that you communicate by phone, email or letters. His access to these forms of communication will vary based on unit and location but generally, most soldiers have this available on a fairly regular basis.

If your soldier is single, be sure to have him place you as the point of contact for the unit and the FRG. This will ensure that you receive updates throughout the deployment. You can also check online to see if your soldier’s unit has a virtual FRG (www.armyfrg.org). If your soldier is married, you may have to get information through your daughter-in-law, depending on the rules of the FRG.

During his deployment…

Communicate as often as possible through the communication means that he chose. Remember that phone calls may be very short and are often dropped mid-sentence so say the important things in the beginning of the phone call. Keep phone calls as upbeat as possible and let him tell you about events rather than bombarding him with questions.

Send care packages over to him with things that he requests or you think he would enjoy. Many times, anything that reminds him of home is welcome. Also consider sponsoring other soldiers in his unit who are not receiving items.

Create a support group. This can be done through your soldier’s FRG if you live close. If not, reach out to others online or start a support group in your area. Being around people who are enduring the same things can alleviate some of the stress surrounding a deployment.

Volunteer your time to help the troops. Many FRGs are looking for volunteers as well as agencies on post. If you are not close to a post, you can check into volunteering with the Red Cross, USO, or Fisher House. Many airports also have welcoming committees that are there to welcome our troops home as they step foot back on home soil.

Ask your soldier about visiting during R&R. If he is married, he needs that time to reconnect with his wife and children. A visit is fine but do not plan to stay for the entire two weeks or for him to visit for the entire two weeks. Be sure to abide by his wishes during this time.

If an emergency arises and you need to contact your soldier, contact the Red Cross. They can deliver a message to your soldier. The information will be verified by his command if it includes a request for him to return home. Be sure you have all of the information needed before calling including his social security number and his unit information. Be aware that his being able to return home depends on the circumstances as well as the current situation overseas.

After the deployment…

Abide by your soldier’s wishes. All soldiers will deal with returning from a deployment differently. Some may be fine with a huge homecoming ceremony with lots of people while some may not want anyone there outside of immediate family. Keep the stress level as low as possible by agreeing to whatever type of homecoming he would like to have.

Let him talk about what happened overseas without asking questions. Some soldiers need to talk to others about things that happened while others prefer to keep it inside or to only talk to fellow comrades about events. Let him be the one to lead these types of conversations. Never push for information.

Enjoy your time with him and do whatever you can to help him acclimate to his surroundings again. It’s very important during this time to do as he asks and respect his wishes.

Do you have other tips on how to deal with a child’s deployment? Please let me know by commenting below.

Additional tips emailed to me:
My son has been deployed 3 times Iraq twice & Afghan once, I found through experience that letting him know everyone he loved was well and that they always ask about him. Also they don’t wanna hear that most of the general public don’t care what they are going through’ so grit your teeth parents and fib to them that Joe public appreciates them as much as we do. Also my wife survived by blanking the news. I was the opposite ,thinking back, her way was better. If you hear of casualties and they haven’t rang you since try not to think the worse like I did. It is common practice for their superiors to take mobiles off them for an amount of time