I have run into this so much lately in both real life and online. Why do military wives (actually this is anyone connected to a soldier but I’m going to just say wives to keep it simple!) feel the need to one up each other for who has the worst situation? Let me give you a few examples of what I’m referring to.

Comments I’ve overheard around other military wives or witnessed on message boards:

1. “You sure are lucky your husband only deploys for 3-4 months at a time. My life is much harder than yours because my soldier deploys for xx months.” Please keep in mind that soldiers with shorter deployment schedules also usually have more frequent deployment schedules.

2. “My husband is in the field for two weeks. We’ve never been apart before and I don’t know how to cope. Any tips?” This could just as easily read basic training, any school, etc. The reactions from others: “Be happy he’s not in a war zone.” or “Get over it, you signed on for this life.” or “My husband’s been deployed for XX months. You have it so easy, quit complaining.”

3. “I miss my husband so much! I can’t wait until this deployment is over. These last few months are dragging by.” The reactions? “You should just be happy it is almost over. I’m just beginning this deployment. Want to trade places with me?” or “My friend’s husband just left for nine months, you only have a few months to go? What a piece of cake.”

Do you notice anything here? Now of course not all of the comments received are so spiteful but it amazes me that these women are replied to with any of these types of comments. As military wives, we are suppose to be SUPPORTIVE of each other. We should do what we can to help a fellow military spouse through whatever it is she is enduring especially if we can offer been there, done that advice. Why do we feel the need to play the “who’s got it worse” game?

Separations from our loved ones are separations period. It doesn’t matter if it’s for two weeks or two years, if its for basic training, deployment or an overseas duty assignment, it is still a separation. No matter which of these situations it is, we all know what it is like to have to sleep in an empty bed, to wake up in the middle of the night thinking it was all a bad dream until you roll over and once again, he’s not there, to jump every time the phone rings hoping its him and to panic every time the doorbell rings hoping you won’t find someone in a dress uniform on the other side.

Even more recently, I was approached with the sentiment that Army parents have it much harder during deployments than Army wives because I can just replace my husband if he is killed. Wow! Let’s just say I’m sure you could see the steam coming from my ears with that one. I’m not here to debate who has it harder. But no life is replaceable and had they really thought about it, they would see how ridiculous that statement is since every husband is someone’s son!

We all share common ground and we can make our military communities stronger by being supportive of one another. Reach out to the wife who’s having a hard time dealing with her husband at basic training. It wasn’t that long ago when you were there, remember? Take the time to offer some tips to the wife who is about to endure her first deployment. Just imagine the impact you may have on someone for them to know that a complete stranger cares about their well being and wants to be sure they are okay.

Stepping down from my soapbox….

Recently, I had another Army wife who lives here in town tell me that there’s nothing to do here and she really doesn’t like this town. I was a little in shock. I think there’s lots to do here and I love living here. If real estate prices weren’t so completely insane, I would really love it here! Later that week, I took her downtown since they were having a festival on River Street. We also parked close to Leopold’s Ice Cream and then walked through City Market.

She was completely in awe. She kept telling me how awesome this was and she couldn’t believe she had never seen this part of town. So I asked her what she had based her earlier judgment on? The mall? The grocery story? The clinic on post? LOL! And she couldn’t really answer me.

This is not the first time I’ve run into this attitude. Either in real life or through the website via emails, it seems to be rather popular to hate where you are. I read a post on a message board once that said there was nothing to do in Jacksonville, FL. WHAT?! There’s so much to do there. We used to go there on the weekends before my husband joined the Army so we would have something to do!

I realize its not easy as an Army family to always have to be moving, starting over, leaving friends behind and the comfort of knowing your way around where you live. But before you judge your new place, GET OUT THERE! Explore the town…beyond the gates of the post. Go to the visitor’s center and pick up every brochure you see. Find out what your new town has to offer and then look at it with an open mind. Maybe your favorite activity isn’t offered there but what about branching out and trying something new? It’s a shame the store you always shop at or the restaurant you always eat at isn’t in your new town, but rather than sulk about it…try something new!

Part of the joy of being a part of the military is that you do get to experience new things, new people and new places. Take advantage of the fact that you get to live there. The town we’re in now is a hot tourist destination…there has to be a reason for that, right? So go out and find out what all the fuss is about, then make up your mind.

Keep in mind as well that you will seek out what you want to make true. If you decide ahead of time that your new place sucks, then you will subconsciously look for things that reinforce your belief and ignore things that go against it. But the same is true when you tell yourself that it is going to be a positive experience. Let’s face it, the Army won’t move you just because you decide you don’t like the new town. So why not find a way to be happy about it and not waste time being down in the dumps about something you can’t change? Isn’t it better to be positive?

Think about it…

It seems like this would be a statement that goes without saying. But lately it seems I’ve been hearing many stories about wives believing they wear the rank of their soldier. And surprisingly, it hasn’t been just an officer vs. enlisted mentality. Some of the most recent stories involve just enlisted wives. Wow!

As an Army wife, it is very easy to get wrapped up in your husband’s career. It is, after all, one of the few career paths he can choose that involves the entire family. I can’t think of too many corporations that have family support groups or social gatherings for spouses only. But whether you’re the 4 Star General’s spouse or the spouse of a PV2, you’re just a spouse! No more, no less. Or in the eyes of the Army, you’re a dependent (I hate that word by the way!).

Your husband’s rank has no bearing on who YOU are as a person. When I was Director of Marketing, my husband didn’t go around telling everyone he was a “Director’s Husband”. Though that would have been kind of funny. Seriously, rank should never enter the equation. Sure you are proud of your husband’s accomplishments and rightly so. We all are. But they are just that…his accomplishments. If anyone receives special treatment for rank, it will be him because he is the one who has earned it.

The best gatherings I have been at among wives are the ones where no one knows the rank or job of anyone else’s husband. At a recent gathering, the subject was actually changed when it was brought up by a newer spouse and I thought it was great. It reflected well on the ones who refused to discuss it.

Let’s all agree that we each have something (and someone) to be proud of as Army wives. We all have reason to be equally proud because no matter the rank, our spouse volunteered to serve our country and protect our freedoms. They took the same oath and they defend the same flag. Let’s all stand together, support one another and let the word “rank” become taboo.

*Several women who are serving in the military have emailed me about this article. Rest assured, I realize that you do have rank and you deserve to be respected for it as you have earned it. In this case, just replace every instance of “wife” with “husband” and vice versa. There is no disrespect intended towards female soldiers with this article.

These stories were submitted by site visitors. Enjoy!

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by Paige Feliciano

Hello everyone! It is so great to be able to share my feelings and thoughts with other army wives that can understand what I am going through. Lately I have felt so alone through this roller coaster of military life.

My husband joined the army November of last year..so I’m actually pretty new to this. However, in this year I have went through so much trying to understand the principles of being an army wife.

The whole idea of him joining the military came along when we found out I was pregnant it June. On top of that, we had both just turned 18..We had just graduated from high school and neither of us had a job or was attending college.

At the time we weren’t married. My husband, Nicholas, decided that joining the military would be the best thing for our daughter’s future. So in November he left for boot camp. It was very hard without him there through my pregnancy. The worst part of it was his graduation date was my due date. And wouldn’t you know our daughter arrived on exactly that day. So I wasn’t able to attend his graduation, and he wasn’t able to experience the birth of our child.

That was only one of the many obstacles I have encountered through this
experience. He was not able to meet our daughter until she was 2 months old since he was only in AIT at the time. I found myself angry at him at times because I was taking care of Natasha, our daughter, all by myself. And me being a new mother it was very hard. Our daughter had complications with her stomach and was very colicky. I got no sleep and was very depressed. And it would upset me when I would call him and he would be at the movies or hanging out drinking on the weekends when I was sitting at home trying to find any way to stop our daughter from crying.

However, I was not thinking of his feelings at the same time. I didn’t realize how much he was actually going through and how much he would rather be at home helping me with her. And how badly he wished he could be able to spend more time with her. It was very hard on him to miss her birth. I
think that was the hardest thing in the beginning.

In May we got a place together on base. I was finally starting to get used to
our house and cooking and cleaning. I loved the lifestyle we had. I had just
started to get everything into place and then he received orders to ship to Iraq on the first of November this year. So I decided to come back home with my family considering the fact that I hadn’t met anyone where he was stationed. So we had to pack everything up all over again.

It is so hard for me to go through this right now. It is our daughters first
Christmas. Her first birthday is in a month. He will miss her first step. And
the hardest part is imagining how he must feel. I hate that he is out there.
Alone. With no family for the holidays. But I’m trying my hardest to keep my head up and support him in every way possible. I send care packages galore! I write him a letter every single day. I hear from him once a week at least. It is great to hear his voice. Sometimes he sounds a little down but I always reassure him of how much I love and miss him. And the most important thing to do is always tell him I’m proud of him for what he’s doing.

It is very hard being a military wife at times but I made this decision and I
wouldn’t give it up for anything. Our anniversary is on the 26th of December. We got married when he came home from break when he was in training. And we have been together 5 years since October. I am going to hold on to him and support him through whatever may come our way. In the end there will be a reward somehow. God will make sure that everything falls into place.

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As submitted by Yelbis

I am filled with a pride that I never knew before because of what my husband does.  I attending meetings, and that is only when he is able to be here with us. It means I will spend countless days and nights alone raising our children, but I don’t complain to my husband.

Being a military wife gives me a double sense of great pride and honor.  I first feel proud to have married such a wonderful, gorgeous man with such a good heart and values who understands and accepts the responsibility of a family so readily.  These qualities alone would be enough to stay in his corner for the rest of my life, but adding to this is the sense of pride I have in him for being altruistic. It takes someone very, special willing to make the kind of every day sacrifices for his country, particularly when many have no idea just how far reaching those sacrifices can be.  I’m glad my husband come back home safe after his turn in Iraq.

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As submitted by Jennifer

Being a military spouse means that life stands still when the commander speaks at an FRG meeting. Being a military wife means rumors become not just an annoyance but a form of subconscious truth and change. Being a military wife means being the man when the man can’t be. It means being a Daddy, a Mommy, and a friend. It means helping your children understand that the man who comes and goes so often is not just a friend or a lover, but a father and a husband. He doesn’t just get angry and quiet, but he cries and laughs. The sacrifices of a military family are endless, and only understood (in the truest for of the word) by those that are in the same position. The worries are uninterrupted. The changes are the only constant thing you have in your life…..except for the love. The LOVE proves it’s strength time and time again. It reaches across deserts, it floats over bullets. It seeps out of packages and transmits over telephones. It acts as the glue that keeps the frustrated wife hanging on. It is the only reason, sometimes, for waiting so long. It connects those few that share common ground. It allows that fleeting glimpse of happiness, that light in all of the darkness….the light that is possible because of the women involved, the children involved, the men involved. The light that is possible because of us, military wives.

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by Amber

I was hoping to find some supportive stories on this discussion board, and it looks like I am looking for something I already have and many lack. My husband I got married on Dec. 4, 2007. We have been together since we were 15 and 16. We have an amazing little boy and know we are very blessed.

Although things are tight I am loving my life as an Army wife. Since I was 17 I have held down a full time job and gone to school full time. My life was crazy, hectic and I felt like I was 20 going on 60 with all the responsibility I had. My husband (boyfriend at the time) was supported by his father, he had NO concept of what I was going through or the stress I was under. He lived a very carefree lifestyle, full of friends and partying. I guess its true when they say opposites attract.

In June of 2007 our son was born and man did things change (mostly for him, lol). He became an excellent father and caretaker. He was on his way to becoming a firefighter. When that was put on hold, he pushed on. He over came HUGE obstacles and did what he had to for our family. On January 3, 2008 he went to Ft. Knox for OSUT (one station unit training). He has worked extremely hard and it is showing.

After months of only being able to verbally speak for a few moments on Sundays and a ton of written letters, I was able to visit him after the completion of his BCT. He is still at Knox and I won’t see him again until May, but I have so much adoration and love for him. When I think of what he is doing for our family and everyone else’s I am filled with so much pride
It’s true being away does have it’s down fall, like lonely nights and some wishful thinking or what if moments. The best thing to do is really keep busy, with a 9 month old that’s not too hard to do, thank God. But when it comes down to it no matter how lonely my nights feel or all the future what-if’s I can’t help but thank my husband for all he has done. I now get to stay home with our baby, its like we traded places.

The Army has turned him into a man with integrity, morals, and a man with a sense of self worth. No matter how many moves we make or how frustrating the whole process can be (and trust me it has been, don’t get me wrong) in my heart and mind I know we can make it through anything together and we will, Home is where the Army sends us.

Take care and stay positive.

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by Mary

So glad you asked. It means happily being next in line, because you stand behind your Soldier and his way of life.

My parents taught me to go to bed on time, and Army life changed that to I’ll hit the rack ASAP, but right now I need to get the house squared away for the movers to come in tomorrow.

You have people telling you how wrong ”this war” is and they expect you to agree. After all, your sweetheart is gone on Valentines day most of the time. When you smile and say you believe in what your husband does, you get the eye-roll, even from family. We are not the first generation of military wives to experience it and we won’t be the last. So tell your sister in law to quit the worrying and get to praying if she’s upset. We don’t have the option of grumbling and hand wringing with those nay-sayers.
You teach your children about the children of the other countries who need their daddy over there to help build a life like we know here. You fill up with pride when your kids get it and they realize that it’s worth the temporary absence. It teaches them to share the most important things in their world, with the world.

It means seeing a uniform and feeling connected to that stranger, because he or she is a part of your life in some way. When I drove past a graduation and saw families lined up from the door to the road while Bryan Adams’ Everything I do (I do it for you) played on the radio, tears absolutely poured down my face. Tears of pride and joy, for the new Soldiers and their supportive families. I may not meet even one but odds are I will, and never even know it.

It also means that maybe for the first time in your life, you will make friends with someone of another race, nationality or religion because military life is an infusion of people from all over the world. You will go to a company picnic on a mandatory fun day, and discover foods that you never would have imagined in your old neighborhood because potential new friends from Georgia or Germany are there to share the day and a meal with you.

It means running into someone you used to know at another post and being amazed that their 6 month old is actually 12 years old now. Has it really been that long when it feels like yesterday? Ah honey, that was four moves ago.

Being a military wife means holding panic and tears at bay until he finally makes it back home, then breaking down while he’s sleeping next to you again.

It is my life and I’m glad I get to share it with women like you who understand what I’m feeling even if nobody else does.

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by Alyse

Being an army wife means having to keep a strong open mind about everything your soldier says and does, being an army wife means never being able to plan a vacation because you don’t have enough leave yet, being an army wife means having to wait until the 1st and 15th of everything month in order to run over to the closest WalMart and buy some new clothes for yourself or get those groceries you have been waiting for since the 10th of the month, being an army wife means some long nights away from each other and a baby that’s all yours, being an army wife is telling your child when they ask where daddy is to always say he is at work, being an army wife is meeting some of the best women in the world who will become the best friends you have ever had, being an army wife is waiting out those long deployments but in the end when he walks off that plane and in to your arms, you know everything was worth it, deployments are hard on all of us and that long training before is even harder but we are some of the strongest women in the world and because of that GOD made us ARMY WIVES.

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by JoAnna

What does it mean to me to be a military wife? My husband and I have been married for almost three years now. He had already been in the service for 4 years when we first began to date. He knew what it meant to be separated, to be lonely, to be strong, and to be hopeful about the next reunion. I on the other hand had never even stepped foot on a military base. All I knew was that these guys sure did look cute in their uniforms. But now I find myself in this relationship with a full time solider and part time husband. Every single day is a new learning experience for me. Not only have I figured out what it means to be a supportive army wife I am able to see the silver lining around our separation. I went the first 2 and half years of our marriage being spoiled by our nights of endless cuddling, talking, and the over all connection we were able to form. Never once did I have to roll over in bed and remind myself that he was gone and hug a pillow in his absences. Here I am now blinded by separation and the pain it wedges into your heart and marriage.

My job and role as a military wife has taken on a new meaning. I went so long living in the civilian world with such an inaccurate view of what the military really does for and to a family and marriage. I went about my day without ever having to worry about whether or not my husband was in harms way. We ate dinner together, had our Sunday mornings together and some days I even took our time together for granted in those first 2 years. I was married to a solider but didn’t have an understanding of what being an Army wife meant just yet. Well, now I know, it means holding together the world you created with your husband together without him. It means being comfortable enough in your world to take on the multiple roles that are automatically placed on when they leave while remaining grateful for all you have. Being happy and staying positive when all you want to do is stay in bed with the shades drawn and pretend the world couldn’t possibly still be spinning when your other half is MIA.

NO being a military spouse is something so big you can’t even recognize how large the task at hand is until it is complete. I know the world does go round even when my husbands gone and that his physical absence doesn’t mean his love is absent. Even though a lot has been done and said that could suggest other wise, but when the day is over I know the stress of the military will not break this bond at least not today and I will do my damndest to ensure that we survive it again tomorrow and the next day and for all our years to come even after we wave the Army good bye and go about our marriage with our long nights of endless longing for one another are over.

I am proud to me a military wife and even prouder to know that God has chosen me to endure this task. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything because it makes me who I am today – a strong, supportive, and optimistic woman with a strong exterior and soft heart for all those who share this life.

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by Kristin

Most of us have our lives on hold as we follow our husbands around the country and stand behind them 100%, even if sometimes it means we have to be unhappy so he can continue to do the one thing he has decided to dedicate his life too (besides us). Of course you need to be independent, patient, spontaneous, giving, caring, understanding, willing to move at the drop of a hat…etc. That’s all true, but all too often complained about. When it all comes down I think that there is one key to being a successful military wife, the ability to love your soldier more then you love yourself. It’s the only quality you need to possess. Because if that’s truly how you feel in your heart, the rest will come easy.

These stories were all submitted by site visitors. Enjoy!

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by Penny

My name is Penny.  My husband and I dated on and off in high school and the year following graduation.  That’s when we went our separate ways.  When we found each other again, I was a single mom of three, and he was going through a messy divorce and had two children.   He lived in another state (we’d run into each other on a visit he had made to our hometown).  He moved back to our hometown in small town TN, and he did work as a plumber.

Well, the pay was ok, but he pays more than any man I personally know does in child support.  So that hurt us financially.  Then work started slowing down.  Slowing way down.  There were weeks where he would go all the way in (about a half tank of gas-which was waaaayyyy too expensive) just to find out he wouldn’t be working that day for whatever reason.  That also hurt us financially.  We were expecting a child, and I was worried about not having everything I needed (I stupidly hadn’t planned on having more children and gave a lot of my baby things away)..

Finally my husband discussed the reserves with me.  He explained that he’d always wanted to join up, but there had always been a reason not to.  More recently was that his ex when they were married wasn’t supportive of the idea.  He figured at the very least we could use the extra income coming in, and that alone would be worth it.

We talked alot to our recruiter.  He was a really good man.  He was very open with us both, and explained that this wasn’t Josh’s (my husband) decision alone. This was a decision we needed to make together.  Ultimately we decided this was the best bet for our family.  We would have medical benefits, he could get some higher education while in the service, and he decided to go active instead of reserves so we would have a steady income not just a supplement one.  WE MADE THE DECISION TOGETHER..  I stress that because of course there are times when I hate this life and could kick myself just as often as there are times that I’m so happy we did this.

It has been hard on us both.  It’s not like my husband joined at 18 or 19.  My husband was older than his drill sgt at basic.  How crazy is that?  He turned 27 a couple of weeks after he got to basic, and he isn’t old by any means…but he was referred to as old man.  Our son was born May 1st and Josh left for basic May 14th.  That was really hard for me.  We had been living an hour and half from our hometown and all our friends and family.  I know it sounds silly (for those who have had to move across country or out of the country), but I decided to move closer to home.

My father in law allowed me and my children to stay in his mother’s old house.  It was very old and had a small washer with no hook up for a dryer (that was fun), and although it was closer it was still a good drive to see anyone.  I stayed home all through the week and found myself camping out in my mother’s living room every weekend.  It was nice to be somewhere more comfortable to me (even if she wasn’t home).

I got phone calls from him on a very random basis, and he didn’t like to hog the phone because there were so many other soldiers who needed to call home too.  We talked as often as possible which was usually once a week.  I lived for those phone calls.  I scolded naughty children for being a pain when all I wanted to do was hear his voice over the phone.. It’s like they “know” when it’s the most important phone calls, and they get ten times louder than usual.  He sent letters regularly.  I sent as many as I could.    My step children came for a month while he was gone to stay with his mom (that’s a whole can of worms that isn’t related so sorry), and I took a ton of pictures.  I sent him packages with things he needed (not knowing at the time he could get them himself at the px.  I sent him pictures of his babies and stepbabies. He yelled at me for not sending some of myself…so I begrudgingly did so.

Finally he graduated Basic!  My father in law and our youngest son (nearly three months at that point) went with me to his graduation.  It was more than I could have asked for just to see him.  My father in law would take the baby for “a walk” to give us as much alone time as possible (since the guys got a pass for the weekend).  It was bittersweet.  He seemed a little distant.  I think he was just upset because he knew he still had several weeks of AIT before we could be together again..  Dropping him back off on the base was more difficult than I thought it would be.  I cried most of the way home.

AIT was a whole new ball game though.  My hubby was doing super great.  It was like his MOS was made with him in mind.  Then he got pneumonia and went to sick hall and they misdiagnosed him twice.  Finally they caught it, but felt it was severe enough that he needed to come home to recuperate.  He was home for two weeks, and I tried to make the best of it.  Then he was gone again.  Stupid pneumonia and the leave they gave him really messed everything up.  He had to wait a few days before he could start classes when he got back…pushing his AIT graduation further back.  Then while most of the guys found out their duty stations a week prior to graduating, he didn’t find out until several days after.  Which meant he had to stay in Ft Sill, Ok until they told him where he was going.  That really ( for lack of a better word) sucked..

Finally he got his duty station.  1300 miles from where we live, but it could be worse I suppose.  We got here and couldn’t stay in on post lodging because they were all full up.  It took awhile to get an apartment out here, and we were hold up in a hotel.  I hope next time we’re able to prepare a little better, but the army can be unpredictable.  We got here at the end of October, and found out that in February he’d be in the field for about four weeks, and then sometime this spring he would be deployed.  All that time apart to find out we wouldn’t have long before we’d be apart again.  It’s very surreal.

I’m not an outgoing person anymore.  It’s been difficult for me to make friends. Not to mention we’re older than most the guys and families we’ve come in contact with.  And we have four children who live in our home (while my step children live in another state with their “difficult” mother).  Sometimes I feel like the army is the only thing I have in common with the other wives.  It’s sort of my fault for not putting myself out there I guess, but I have four children and a soldier….I don’t feel like I have time for making new friends.

When my husband went in the field for four weeks, I realized my plan for staying here while he was deployed would be totally out of the question.  I just don’t know anyone.  I just finally met the neighbors, and it’s been months.  I can’t even go to FRG meetings.  They can get free childcare in advance, but they rarely ever do because “some” soldiers don’t let them know they need it, so they don’t get it …then I’m stuck in a room with a bunch of soldiers and four unruly children.  Ha.  It’s laughable.  I feel sort of stuck.  So I decided to go back home while he’s gone to make life easier on myself.  I’ll have friends and family to go to for whatever I might need.  That is a huge load off my shoulders.

I am extremely proud and supportive of my husband.  When people ask stupid questions like, “How are you going to handle it when he’s gone?”  or  ”Aren’t you scared for him to go over there?” or “How do you do it?”  I tell them what my husband says.  He says, “Well I didn’t join the boy scouts.”  And he didn’t and WE MADE THIS DECISION TOGETHER.   Whatever happens he always has my support and unchanging love.  I am proud of him everyday, and when I hear about that crap that some of these groups ( you know the ones…the anti-war or anti-soldier groups) do, it makes me sick, but my husband is out there protecting their rights.  He is a great soldier, an awesome dad, and the best husband a girl could ask for.

Being an army wife is about many things.  Here’s my list.

1.  Being both tough as nails and soft as a down pillow all at the same time.

2.  Loving your husband even with more space imaginable between you.

3.  Being patient.   It’s short sweet and to the point.

At the end of the day I’m just proud of him, and everything he does for his kids, me, and this country.  It’s all worth it.   I hope this helps someone even if some poor woman reads it and thinks, “Wow.  I’m not alone.”  And in an effort to “put myself out there”  this is my url.  If you have a myspace page and would like to have a military wife for a friend request me as a friend. www.myspace.com/pennylm

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by Anna

My name is Anna I am not an army wife yet so I guess my story is
going to be a little different. I met Wil in January of 2009. I knew
from the start he was different but because I knew he was leaving
shortly for BCT and AIT combined I knew I was not going to deal with
it. After a few weeks it was undeniable. I could NOT be apart from
him. He left January 28 and went to Fort Leonard Wood, Mo for
training. His training was combined so instead of not seeing him for
9 weeks it will be about 15 because of the week he spent in
reception. So far is been 6 weeks. Its tough….tougher than I
thought it would be. Reception was not bad. I got a few phone calls
one of which was about 25 minutes. Then I got a 2 minute phone call
when he got to his base for basic training and after that I did not
get a phone call for 3 weeks. I got letters but no return address.
After a few weeks I finally got a return address and I was able to
send all the letters I wrote him. The letters are what gets me day to
day.

Its been 6 weeks now and he is just starting blue phase. He
graduates BCT and AIT on May 15, and we’re getting married May 22. I
am going to see from the start what this life is going to me like. I
am not happy right now but knowing that William is making such a
difference in his life helps me. I know someday not anytime soon but
someday we’ll be able to live normal lives, look back at the army,
and say thank you for making us and our relationship so strong from
the start. It teaches independence, worry, love, and just relying on
yourself when you can’t rely on the one you can’t live without.

*****

by Jessica

Being an ARMY wife to me stands for trust pride and honor. I was with my husband for 5 years before he joined the army, we discussed it over and over again i knew it would completely change our lives forever but I was so proud of him. Before he left for basic training he asked me to marry him it was so amazing, but at the same time made the 16 weeks that he was gone for basic that much harder… I drove out to see him for family weekend at basic and again for his graduation. We now a year later have our first child together and are awaiting his deployment to Afghanistan. Being a Army wife to me means teaching our son that no matter how far away his father is he always going to be around for him and the value of what he is doing for our country. It means managing a household for husband and wife being a father and mother and being a daughter to my parents and standing in as a son for his parents. I would never trade the life I live. People always tell you how much they wish the war was over and how it isn’t worth it for our soldiers to be deployed and I always tell them there is a reason for everything that happens and then I get a look as though I am crazy. I worry all the time but I have to be strong for myself for my soldier and for my family. Its not just life its life as an army wife…

*****

by Margie

Although it has only been 8 months that I have been an Army Wife, it is not something I am unfamiliar with. My Dad was also a Military man, and I watched countless times as he had to go off to duty, whether it was a month, 2 weeks, or 3 months at a time. It was his way of life, it was in his blood. I observed my Mom and I learned of the sacrifices made when you are part of the Military Family. I remember my Dad being away and my Brother and I used to take turns sleeping with my Mom. We were just little then, and let me tell you, a lot of the time we both ended up in the bed with her because she could no longer take the knocking on her door and crying so that we could both be with her. We would get so excited when he would walk through the door, always with gifts in hand. I always looked up to my Dad and his countless acts of bravery. He was as gentle as could be, but if you made him mad, that’s when the Sgt. came out! He and I bumped heads quite a few times as I was growing up. I guess that’s because we were always bullheaded. Neither of us wanted to give in, me probably being more stubborn of the two. He taught me how to be tough. Always chasing us around with rubber bands, having tickle battles, playing war. In the end, I was always Daddy’s little girl. I have many qualities of both my Mom and Dad, and for that, I am very proud.

I have always had a great appreciation for the Military and what they do for our Country. Now that I am a Proud Army Wife, that appreciation has grown much deeper. I am married to a Wonderful Man, who is also my Best Friend. I am beginning to realize more every day how selfless of a Man he really is. I take great pride in knowing that God has blessed me with a Man who has such a kind, generous heart. There are many challenges associated with being an Army Wife and I get my strength from many resources. Knowing I always have the support and unconditional Love from my Husband. Watching my Mom and Dad rise above those challenges, family, friends, and most importantly knowing that we have God on our side.

Those challenges aren’t always easy, however, I would have to say the hardest challenge of all are the deployments. I met my husband online while he was on a one year tour in Korea. It has been a wonderful journey, thus far, and I know it is only going to continue to get better. He came home from Korea and we were married 6 days later. This is my first deployment as an Army Wife. I don’t think you can prepare yourself enough when the actual day arrives. Having to say your “C-You Laters” and drive away. Wondering when you will get that phone call, and when you do, nothing else matters but hearing the voice of the Man you Love on the other end of the line. The reassurance of knowing that no matter what, and no matter how far away they are from you at the time, whether it is 15 mins. or half way across the World, they are always with you. It is different from the Civilian world on many aspects, in this case, we don’t always get the comfort of knowing where our spouse is. How they are doing, if they are or are not OK. This is when we have to look out for each other, we, being all the military spouses. We take care of each other if need be, we take care of the household while our husbands’ are away, and all the while, we don’t complain. We aren’t selfish, nor should we be. I am a woman of strength, and a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become even more strong.

I have enjoyed reading the stories submitted by other Military Wives and I can relate to almost every one of them. A lot I feel like they read my mind, and I could have just simply changed their name to mine and hit the submit button. I especially like the “scuffs in the carpet from the combat boots”. It is just a simple reminder that we are all in this together. Someone recently told me a year away from the one you Love is nothing compared to a Lifetime together. That saying holds so true.

This is our life and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the World. I am very proud of my Husband and his accomplishments. He puts 100% into everything he does, and it shows. Many of the sacrifices he and our soldiers make go unspoken. They are harder than anyone can imagine. I am understanding more every day the dedication and depths of patriotism felt by our military. I pray for the safe returns of all the service men and women who are deployed.

God Bless Our Troops!

*****

as submitted by Stella Post

Being a military wife gives me a double sense of great pride and honor.  I first feel proud to have married such a wonderful, gorgeous man with such a good heart and values who understands and accepts the responsibility of a family so readily.  These qualities alone would be enough to stay in his corner for the rest of my life, but adding to this is the sense of pride I have in him for being altruistic. It takes someone very, very special willing to make the kind of every day sacrifices for his country, particularly when many have no idea just how far reaching those sacrifices can be.

Who in America wants to live across the world in 120 degree heat wearing combat gear while bullets are whizzing by their head? Who among all of the men we’ve know in our lives would be willing to go without the tender touch of their wife, the smile of their children, the creature comforts of the colorful landscape of America and live among camel spiders and sand?  How many of your friends are married to a man who’s deployed twice or more to the same region for a tour of duty without having been drafted? What politician could fathom jumping out of an airplane and then going home to his wife at the end of the day as if nothing unusual happened or driving along a road and hoping that pile of trash or empty car isn’t hiding an explosive device?  What kind of man would be willing to slip in undetected to the territory of an enemy so brutalized by violence that beheading an adversary means nothing?  Who will go?

The sad answer today is “very few.”  Relatively very few men in America have the kind of courage and strength to withstand the pressure of these kinds of sacrifices.  And I, wow, I married one of them.   I don’t really want to talk about what it feels like to be away from a person that I want to hug and kiss and laugh with every day.  I don’t want to complain about wanting to have his little baby RIGHT NOW but knowing if I did, the timing of his deployment would deprive him of the chance to hear his baby’s first cry.  I don’t want to really even think about having a husband but not having him with me or going everywhere alone.

You know why?

When I think of him and what he does and see what other people’s husbands do, I’m so proud that I married the guy that I did. And I know that while he’s out there, he’s missing all the same things as I am, but even worse, he’s stuck in the middle of a dust storm opening the beef jerky I sent and doing his job.  I will always feel that I married a better man than my friends just because I know he has this rare ability to make a sacrifice so that America can live freely, safely, comfortably.  That’s the kind of man I married.

When you ask what it means for me to be a military wife, I would  tell you that it means I am a part of something greater than myself and even bigger than my marriage. I am absolutely honored by the exclusivity of being a woman God thought could handle being an Army wife and amazed that He would see fit to pair me with a man of honor.

*****

by anonymous

I’m a military wife and at first I was proud and honored. But now I
find it a little harder to keep my chin up. When I met my husband he was
already in the Army and it wasn’t very hard. Then things got a little bad,
when he got sent to Iraq I found out I was pregnant and ended up having a
miscarriage and I felt so alone. No matter how I ever felt I loved him more
so I stand strong right next to this wonderful man. When I had finally
gotten over my miscarriage I got pregnant again and a month after she was
born he got sent to Afghanistan for15 months leaving me alone in a
different place with no family or friends to be of any support to me as a
first time mother and trying to cope with him leaving again so soon.

He got back 3 months ago, but a week ago he had to go back to
school in South Carolina so now I’m alone again and I find it hard to make
friends as a stay at home mom. I know I’m not the only one that goes
through this, I just wish sometimes to be a little stronger. I don’t know
how not to let it show when I’m a little down. I’ve always been very
strong and supportive, I didn’t want him to feel bad about me feeling any
kind of way because they go through quite a bit already. But reading the
stories you have posted up helped me very much to relate on a more personal
level.

No matter how down I feel at times there is a lot more wonderful
things and memories that outweigh the bad, I love this man so much more
then any feeling of loneliness I’ve ever had and I’m very proud of him and
proud to be an army wife. I just wanted to write to you and tell you that
if I could start all over again I wouldn’t change anything. And I wanted
to say Thank you to all military men and women. May god shine his light on
you, your families and friends.

These stories were all submitted by site visitors. Enjoy!

*****

as submitted by Misty

Being a military wife is EVERYTHING to me. It is not just the job my husband has, it is the way of life we have chosen to lead. My husband and I were married for 4 years and had 2 children before we decided that he was going to enlist. I have never regretted that decision. My husband is not the only one who enlisted, the whole family did. We put our hearts and soul into everything we do.

I now look at things differently. There are things that others take for granted but I don’t because I know of the many sacrifices the soldiers and their families have made over the years in order for all of us to be free. I am filled with a pride that I never knew before because of what my husband does. Being a military wife means that I stand tall and proud with tears rolling down my face as the Star Spangled Banner or any other patriotic song plays. I feel my heart break every time I hear of a soldier somewhere getting hurt or being treated poorly, regardless if I know them or not.

Being a military wife means I will spend countless hours washing uniforms, cleaning scuffs out of carpet from boots, baking things for FRGs, attending meetings, and that is only when he is able to be here with us. It means I will spend countless days and nights alone raising our children, but I will never complain. It means that I cannot be selfish. I know that he is out there fighting so that others can be free just like us. What better role model could I ask for for my children? I have experienced a kinship like no other because of the military. Military wives have a bond that hold us together. We may have never met, but five minutes after we do, we feel as if we have known each other forever.

Being a military wife means that we will move around a lot. I will have to find new houses, schools, grocery stores, daycares, etc. However, in my eyes, my life is an adventure. I would never have gotten to live in the places I have without the military. So when you say, “What does it mean to be a military wife”, it’s hard to answer. It’s like asking me what it means to live. I tell you that I could not ask for my life to be any different. I love my husband! I love my country! I love being a military wife!

*****

by Angelina Stallings
For me, it meant getting married halfway through my senior year of high school.  He was still in Basic Training but we didn’t know where he would be in June (which was when we wanted to get married.) So, we planned a small but perfect wedding in three days. It was two days before Christmas (so we could spend the holiday together.) I wouldn’t change a thing.  But I definitely got some raised eyebrows.

For me, it meant choosing a life full of the unknown but knowing that I didn’t want any other life.  Nothing else would make me this happy.  Yes, there are lonely nights.  Yes, there are times when I sleep on the couch because I can’t stand sleeping in our bed without him.  But I know at the end of the day that I am where I need to be.  He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and that could ever have happened to me.  I didn’t sell myself short by marrying into the military but gained a whole new experience and met people I wouldn’t know otherwise.  God has a time and place for everything.  So, getting stationed somewhere that’s not perfect just is a part of the whole process.  We grow closer knowing we are the only family we have at our post.

For me, it means being thankful because I know my husband stands for something.  I know he’ll always provide.  I know he’s always thinking of me.  And we both know to treasure the moments now because you never know what the future holds.  The military gave us a heightened sense of awareness.  It helps us treasure each other so much more.   It’s not always easy, but it’s where I’m meant to be.  Right next to my soldier.

*****

by Penelope

Before I met my husband, I had studied and lived abroad for over 8 years. I was used to doing everything by myself, moving around and starting all over again. But my life was pretty simple. I did not have a lot of worries, let alone having to cope with real fears and anxieties. Once you get married to a soldier, things are quite different. You have to face reality. Deployment involves risks, and brings along a mixed bag of emotions. When we found out my husband had to leave for his first tour of duty, we did not waste a lot of time. We had new wills written, updated our life insurance policy and got a power of attorney for me. I have to admit, I did cry a few times. It can be very overwhelming.

Once my husband had left, I decided to focus on the “perks” of deployment. Each deployment was a perfect opportunity to reconnect with my family in Belgium and catch up with long lost friends. The trips were a real treat – something to look forward to, and most of all, a distraction from reality. Of course I did not spend all my time in Belgium. During my husband’s absence, I took several courses, acquired new skills and started volunteering. In 2005 I finally started working part-time. Sometimes I wonder if I would have done all those things if my husband had stayed home. I might have, but I doubt it. I am convinced that his deployments made me more independent, and accelerated my integration as a new immigrant.

Despite the trips and my busy schedule, I missed my husband very much. I missed my husband very much when he was not home for Christmas – again -, when I found out what the gender of our baby was, when I was diagnosed with pre-term labor, or when… simply too many occasions to mention. We stayed in touch through email and letters, and often talked over the phone. The only downside: I could not call my husband, I had to wait for his phone call. What a concept, in this day and age of instant communication! I found great comfort in several blogs and also in the book “A Year of Absence,” by Jessica Redmond. A must read for all military spouses.

In 2008 we moved to the metro D.C. area. The chance that my husband will deploy soon is very slim. I am so much looking forward to “A Year of NO Absence!”

*****

by Cristy B.

This experience has been a complete adventure and still continues to be. My soldier and I married young and have a 1 year old son. We both made the bold decision for him to join as he expressed his desire to have a career in the military. Its not picture perfect but nothing in life is. It very often becomes a challenge but there is no other place I would rather be but by his side. Whether we are physically together or not. The army does present us with challenges but it has also given us many opportunities. Individually I have discovered my own inner strength and my husband has gained so much from the army that I would never take that away from him. I’ve dealt with many lonely nights, played the role of mom and dad, I’ve struggled to find something to call my own but despite all that I continue to be a proud Army wife. I’m proud to stand by a man who protects our freedoms, who lives by his warrior ethos, a man of honor, integrity, courage, a man who stands with many others just like him who dedicate their life to selfless service. To me this is more than a military organization but a family a place where many memories were built. Even after the years following the service I know these memories will last forever.

*****

by Alexis

Hello Stacey and everyone else taking the time to read my story.

I met my husband in AIT, I am also in the military which, in the beginning made things very difficult. Shortly after we finished school, he was deployed to Iraq. It hurt alot, the long distance aspect of our relationship was tolerable when we could talk as often as we wanted and see each other every few weeks, but not knowing when I would hear from him again after I said goodbye to him at the airport was the hardest thing I’ve dealt with. After he was deployed for about 6 months he came home for R&R, which was a godsend! 2 weeks after he left again I found out I was pregnant. We were both scared out of our minds! We had always planned on getting married but the baby news rushed things along, we got married by proxy about a month later.

I’m now 4 and a half months pregnant and it’s hard doing it alone. It’s not the same describing feeling the baby move to your husband over the phone when you can barely hear each other. He’s not only missing the entire pregnancy but he’ll be gone for the birth as well. I would much rather have my husband home in my arms and making fast food runs for me at 4 in the morning, but I know that he has a responsibility. I knew what I was getting myself into from day one and I don’t regret any of it. He may be a soldier, and as tough as he may like to seem, to me he’s the sweet caring man that I fell in love with almost a year ago. Communication is strained, and things aren’t easy, but we make due, and as hard as it may get, I wouldn’t trade my life or my husband for anything in the world. He’s my best friend and my hero, and I take pride in knowing that him and men like him care enough to do what they do.

Being an Army wife isn’t easy, and it’s not for everyone, but it’s something I’m proud of. I make it my duty to make absolutely sure that my husband knows exactly how much I love him, and how much he’s missed! I would live through a thousand deployments as long as in the end I still had the love of my life to grow old with. I hope you got a little something out of my story and I wish the best to every Army Wife!

*****

by Charity

Hi my name is Charity Ginter.  I am 23 years old and this is my story of love, hardship, deployment, and working through it all.

I never knew that I would fall for someone in the army.  My grandparents had been apart of the army.  I even have a great great-uncle known very well as General Robert E. Lee.  But anyways, I was 20 years old when I met Adam.  He had already been in the army for about a year when he met me.  He knew that he was going to have to deploy in the next year or so, but when we met it was an instant connection.  We were living together at the time we heard he had to leave in 2008.  We talked about getting married, but didn’t know if we should wait till he got home or to do a quick wedding.  He had been going to training preparing him to go overseas.  He was gone for a month and was supposed to come back on a Thursday.  Well it was Tuesday, a day that I go to my usual Karaoke with my friends and it was unlike any day I had ever had in my entire life.  When I showed up I saw all my family and friends there.  Before I could think on why there were all there.  I heard Adam call me up to the stage and he proposed to me!!  I was so happy!!  So surprised because he wasn’t supposed to be there and he tricked me.  I of course said yes!  That Saturday we got married.  He left 3 days later to Afghanistan.

I wasn’t sure how to feel about it at first.  I had been through the training process of him being gone for a month so the first month was ok.  One thing that was really difficult was the fact I couldn’t call him when something would come up at work that was stressful or just to say I miss him or I love you.  It was hard!  I would keep myself busy with work and friends.  I would work out a lot to get a nice body for when he would come home.  We would argue quite a bit about things.  I hated arguing with him because when you barely get to talk to the person you love; you don’t want to spend that time being angry.  It hurts.  Another thing that was hard was that since I wasn’t around him or could call him about what my plans were.  I got independent on myself whereas before we would talk about things before we would do them.  I made my own decisions and planned things on my own terms.  I would think of Adam of course in all my plans.  Like I would not go to clubs or bars.  I would not hang out with any of my guy friends just in respect that I don’t want any jealous factors in our relationship.  I didn’t want to make anything harder than it already was.

When he came back for his two week leave.  I pictured everything different than what it was.  Where I thought we would be more affectionate and kissing all the time.  There was a distance, because for Adam he knew he had to go back over there.  It’s hard to all of a sudden go 7 months without touching to all of a sudden turning that affection back on.  So most of the time he was here we had friends over, drank with family, and played games.  By the end of the second week we were affectionate and comfortable, but then we had to say goodbye.

I have two more months left until he comes home and we plan on going on a week getaway to rent a log cabin to spend alone time together.  It will be better because he is home for good then.  We can be at ease together and start our lives as being a married couple.  Which because he left three days after getting married we hadn’t really got to experience it.  I’m so excited to get to see him again and kiss the man I fell in love with.

Being an army wife is hard, but I wouldn’t change it for the world because I have a soldier.  I have someone who is brave and willing to fight the fight not too many our willing to fight.  I think that is extremely sexy!  I am strong and so are all the other army wives out there.  Thanks to all the soldiers out there keeping us safe.

*****

by Sarah

My name is Sarah.  My husband has been in the army since he was 21 (I was 20).  We met when we were Juniors in High School, and we fell completely in love with one another.  We got married when he was 19 (I was 18), and we had no idea how we were going to make it.  We already had one daughter together (she had been born just a few weeks prior), and although we had both graduated high school, we had no idea where our lives were going to take us.  When my husband decided to join the Army, I was completely against it, but I told him in my vows that I would support him in anything that he wanted to do, so he joined and left a few weeks later for Boot Camp at Fort Leonard Wood.  I thought I was going to die when he left because I missed him so badly!  Then we got to see him for a short while before he was stationed at Fort Carson in Colorado.  We decided that it would be best for our family to go with him.  So, leaving my friends, family, college (I was almost finished with my degree), and everything we had ever known behind, we moved to Colorado.  Almost immediately I got involved with the FRG.  I did a TON of volunteering including baking, becoming an officer in the FRG, doing a lot of research, becoming a POC, taking classes, and the like.  We lived with him in Colorado, and while we didn’t care much for the state itself, being together was enough to keep me happy.  Now, I am back in my home state, with my two little girls, unable to do anything but wait for this deployment to start because the sooner it gets here, the sooner it can be over and the sooner my husband gets to come home.

Some days are easy to get through, and then there are the times when I feel completely alone.  I miss my husband like crazy, and all those well meaning people who keep asking how I’m doing are not helping me at all.  Some days I want to scream, “How do you THINK I’m doing?  My husband is getting deployed!!!  I’m scared, I’m lonely, I have no idea what to think or feel!” but I refrain because I know that they mean well.  I can’t say to you that it’s easy, because it’s not.  I can’t tell you that it will get easier, because I don’t think it will.   And no matter how much you try to “prepare yourself” for deployment, you still feel the jab to your heart when he tells you that he is getting deployed.  I am one of those wives who always tries not to cry in front of her husband (it usually doesn’t work), and yes I have cried every time he had to leave, even when it was only for some class.  I’ve dealt with 2 NTC rotations, Eoka, WLC, R2C2O, and other classes that I can’t remember as well as numerous FTX’s and Staff Duty days.  It doesn’t get easier.  My husband has missed birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays.  It really stinks!

But, I can say that it has not only brought us closer as a couple, but it has molded us into a team—especially when it comes to our kids!  My husband is a Combat Engineer—a bomb blower-upper (for lack of a better term), and I couldn’t be more proud of him.

He is my hero and he has my absolute respect!  I don’t have the intestinal fortitude to do what he does, to face what he faces, but I know that he does the things that are needed to keep this country free!  Whenever I am feeling low, I think about how he and I are sacrificing our time together, so that our kids can have a better future.  I think about how people that don’t know my husband exists can go where they want and do what they want because my husband helps to make it possible, and I smile because I know in my heart that he will come home eventually.  Even though it might seem really hard, and you might want to give up, just remember that our soldiers are the ones that are fighting for the freedom of absolute strangers, and that not all men are willing to do that, but ours are the few, the brave, the American soldiers!  So I am proud to say that I belong to the elite club called the Silent Ranks, the Army Wives.    HOOAH!!!

Your attitude is so important to being a successful Army wife! The Army is always throwing curve balls – training that lasts twice as long as it is suppose to, deployments that get extended just when you thought he was coming home and that occasional paycheck that never appears in your bank account. As an Army wife, you will definitely deal with your share of obstacles. How you come out in the end depends on the attitude you had going in.

Some of those I know who have being an Army wife down pat are those who see this as an adventure. And really when you think about it, it is just that! It is all in the way you look at things. Take the whole moving experience for example. You can look at it in two ways….

I cannot believe we just got PCS orders to move AGAIN! We haven’t even been here very long at all. Now I have to pack all of our things, say goodbye to another set of friends and move to this strange place. I heard the base is horrible and on base housing should be condemned even though there’s a 12 month waiting list. This is going to be the worst two years of my life.

Or….

Well, in the civilian world, you would have to take all this time off to research cities to see which one would be the best fit for your family. You have to spend precious time agonizing over the right decision, the right job, the right place. Not us! We get our direction on a little piece of paper called orders. They tell us where to go so we don’t have to decide. I get to meet new people every few years and now have a network of friends around the world. In all likelihood, I’ll never have to pay for a hotel room again because there’s not too many places we could go where there isn’t someone we know. My kids will learn to adapt to change well which will only help them when they graduate from college and enter the real world with their first job.

Ok, so maybe that one is a little too upbeat but you get the picture. Your mind and your attitude are very strong. If you tell yourself things are going to be horrible, then you will subconsciously search out things that will validate those beliefs. You will overlook the good and only search for the bad. But the same is also true in reverse. When you expect things to be exciting, you will search out things that will validate those beliefs as well.

There is an old story from a Chicken Soup for the Soul book that talks about a wife wrecking their car. When she tells her husband about it, she says there’s no need to be upset. We can have a wrecked car and be angry about it or we can have a wrecked car and be happy about it – either way we have a wrecked car.

So next time, you get that unexpected surprise from the Army….just tell yourself, we can be angry about this or happy about this but either way we still have our surprise. Wouldn’t you rather be happy?

If you would like to submit your own experience, please email me at stacey AT marriedtothearmy DOT com.

*****

As submitted by Michelle

My name is Michelle and I am a Military mama as we all are I would assume if you are reading this. I told Stacey I wanted to be involved and share what our experience has been so far. I am kind of a newbie to this arena of Military life, when we first met my husband had been out of the Navy for a year after being in for 6, then a year later he was in the Guard and a year after that he is back in full active in the Army. I knew this was going to be a struggle for me on my own with two kids working full time and going to school part time, while he was gone for training for 6 months. In the beginning communication was easy to come by he had school all day and finished right when I got done with work, so we could talk anytime, even with an hour time difference between us. However last month they switched him to night school so now the talking is few and far between breaks in school and when one or the both of us is not sleeping. This is added stress to our relationship.

Then there is the jealousy of his freedom during Training. I never realized how upset I could get at him for being able to go out every weekend and go bowling or playing cards with the guys, when I am stuck at home with the two kids lovely as they are, but have no way of going out myself and blowing off some steam because I have no family or friends directly around me to give me some time off. Its hard to not get hurt and upset when I am very lonely and need to talk and I call him only to catch him drinking and having a great time at a BBQ with his roomies. I just have to remind myself he deserves this time because it will change soon enough for him.

However, I got over myself pretty quickly when my husband told me how painful it was for him being away, that despite the fact he can go out now and then, that its never as much fun as it would be when we are together, and that when he does go out he often thinks about me knowing I don’t get the time away that I deserve. That it is very hurtful for him to picture me sitting at home alone on a Saturday night when he should be there with me, and then there is the daily life I never realized how much he missed us on a daily basis. He had been hurt and angry for me being able to be with the kids and see the kids everyday when he is away from all of us and wants to be there with us. Its this kind of communication that really puts life into perspective, and despite the lack of communication there has been lately when we do talk it is golden.

Last month we found out that in 5 months he is deploying to Korea for a year Unaccompanied, well that blew the daydreams of being back together soon and moving to a U.S. duty station out of the water! All the planning I had done. All the day dreams of quitting my job to be with my kids and moving on base were pushed back about a year or more depending on what the housing situation is when he returns. I was shocked and stunned and hurt.

This is when I realized as a newbie in the military world that I just have to learn to go with the flow, I can plan all I want but in the end it’s ultimately up to the Military. This revelation for a control freak, list person that I am is a very hard pill to swallow. HOWEVER after mourning this news of his deployment and getting a spoon full of sugar to swallow this very hard pill down I realized, This is the choice both my husband and I made together. As a wife, mother and an American I Stand by this choice with loyalty and honor and will make the best out of whatever situation should arise for my family.

I hope you have all enjoyed reading and maybe relating to our experiences so far. I am hoping to write again soon with our new path that we are taking as time goes on.

Thanks for your time and write to you all soon.

*****

As submitted by Yulia

Good day to all of army wives!

Who not just wives, but also heroes, on who frail shoulders one of the hardest work-maintenance of worthy rear theirs husbands-soldiers lays!

And its not just loud words, the contract with the U.S. Army, wives have automatic concluded   by getting married with the soldier.

And all from them is in total not knew, that behind a romantic epithet “army wife”-there is a selfless work, constants moving plays to plays, self-sacrifice and sending off the husband on war, and then , long and disturbing days of expectation him returning home!

I wish to name twice heroes all of wives, who come from another country, who besides all that, also have leaved behind them country, family and friends.

Wives, which having arrived in the states, don’t having the main advantage-they were not born in America, and English- it is the second language, which they hardly learning so they can to manage independently to pay the bills and shop for grocery if their husbands get deployment.

Wives, who are compelled to watch TV, listen to radio and talking on another’s language, waves, who some times cannot to express all feelings because of insufficient knowledge of English language.

But all wives working hard and learning more from day to day, because they very much love they husbands –U.S. army solders, and they ready to work harder to provide reliable rear for solders-loving husbands.

God bless you and give you forces, you-who have made a choice to be the army wife!

*****

Hello Everyone and Stacey,

As you all would know I am an Army wife and I’m very new at it. My whole life I was told the army was a bad thing and all it did for the world is cause death, depression, and hurt. So as any child would, I grew up hating the Army and the ways of the military. I always thought that people who chose war and battle were the only reason why the world had turned out to be so brutal and violent.

I am only 18 years old and I had falling in love with a man who had dreams to be in the army. After finding out his dreams I pleaded with him not to join. But his mind was made up and there was no talking him out of it. After knowing he was the man for me I ended getting pregnant with a baby boy. It was not planned and it was looked down upon greatly by his parents. Even though I had gotten pregnant he could not turn back on his decision, he had already signed up for the military and taken his vows. It was a horrifying feeling knowing he was leaving soon and I would be on my own as a first time mother. To add to the fear I was unable to finish my last year of school due to lack of money for a babysitter, so stress and depression was pressing down on me.

He had left for basic training and that was one of the worsted times of my entire life to be separated by the only one who kept me true company. Being pregnant at the time and not being pampered like most mothers to be was very depressing. I had gone into labor while he was in basic and only had my mom to help me through the delivery. But I was lucky enough that it was a scheduled delivery and he was able to be on the phone while I was in labor. If I hadn’t had been in such pain I would have been uncomfortable with him listening and not knowing what’s going on.

Once he had finished basic I had gone down the GA for his graduation. It was very uncomfortable for me. My parents came with me to keep me company, but I was still very uncomfortable being on the training base. But seeing him for the first time after so long was like taking that breath above water after being held under for so long. He looked SO different though. He had lost so much weight that I felt uncomfortable even letting him touch me. He did not look like the man I fell in love with. But when I handed him his son for the first time and seeing him smile was how I knew that it was still him.

After seeing him for the first time, two days later we were to get married, and I wasn’t even given the chance to get to know him again. But getting married was the only way for him to watch his son grow up. We always talked about getting married but so soon on the schedule was not our plan. Our wedding was small and short and very to the point. But the people who mattered were there. He was given a month to be at home before he was shipped out to Germany to start his PT. But during the time he was home he had to do home town recruiting. So our Honeymoon was nothing like I had imagined.

After he had gotten to Germany while I was stuck at home as a first time mom all alone and have post partum depression was almost life threatening to me. I had stopped eating and lost more weight then I was suppose to. I was 10lbs under weight and I’m still under weight even now. And the stress levels were unbearable for me. We had medical bills we had to pay and still do. We owe over 700 dollars to the hospital I gave birth in. Every month that we are unable to pay it makes the amount even higher. Court was looking like something in the near future for me. Having all this stress build up on me and the depression effecting my health, calling him to find out he’s drunk and out with friends every weekend and even some week nights was a HUGE deal. I had gotten so angry with him. I have all these problems and situations on my mind and having to deal with it on my own and knowing he doesn’t have a care in the world was more then angering for me.

To add to all our financial problems he was putting our checking account in the hole more often then non. Every time a check was sent in I never got the whole thing due to paying what we owed all the time. And even now I’m not getting the support I need. But with all this happening I had a friend who was there for me and even let me scream at them to relieve my anger about his actions. Having friends was the ONLY reason why I was not sent to an insane asylum.

Even though he was out and having fun, hearing him tell me that he drinks because of depression of missing me was settling to me. But I did not like that he was drinking, I did not want it to become a habit. Though I still do not think he realizes how bad of a financial situation we are in, it was nice to know he misses me just as much as I miss him. I rarely talk to him and never see him so having the mental connection was all I had and I protected that connection with my life and fear of losing it.

Now I am waiting to join him in Germany so I can be with him once again and see my new home for the next few years. I’ve been doing nothing but waiting and I am still doing nothing but that. Patience is something I lack but I’m having to learn to have it very quickly and without any say in it. I have learned that being apart of an Army life, it is nothing but lines to stand and wait in, and depression is going to be with me the whole time. But even though my life in the army is nothing but depression and frustration for me I will always stay with him and my heart will always be his. I will never give up no matter how close to the edge I get. There is not many people in my type of situation and very few people who know what I’m going through. But I try to look at the positive side of things.

I get to see places I would have never been able to, meet people I wouldn’t have, do things I never would have, and have this type of adventure. If I wasn’t being made to have this life, I would have still been just another average Joe.

My life as an army wife is hard but if you know the right people and have the right friends it can be made easy and adventurous. The one thing about the Army that I do actually like is the fact that I’m closer to my husband then I will ever be in our relationship. If we can handle this then we can handle anything…

I received this email and wanted to pass along the information about an additional source of support.

I am from the VA Medical Center in Memphis TN, and part of the research department.  We have begun  Telephone support groups for the spouses/significant others of service members who have gone to Iraq and Afghanistan.  Looking over your website and the large amount of great information you have available, I wanted to know if you would be willing to help get the word out to anyone who may benefit from this program.  It is free to those who are eligible and although we are located in Memphis the support groups are all done over the phone so there is no limit to who can be a part of this as long as they have a telephone.  The program runs for a year and the support groups are once a month.  They provide information on; post deployment concerns, stress symptoms and reactions, and coping skills (such as communication, stress reduction, and anger management).

Our website is  www.memphis.va.gov/spousebattlemind if you would like more information.

1. As an Army wife, your social security number is no longer valid as far as the Army is concerned. If they ask you for your social or your last four, they are asking you for HIS not yours.

2. Get your military ID as soon as possible. You can go to the closest military base (it does not have to be the same branch as your soldier) to have it made. Your soldier will send you the necessary paperwork to have this done.

3. Be sure to get a Power of Attorney so you can handle your husband’s affairs whenever he is gone. You’ll be surprised how often it comes in handy.

4. Know about all of your bills – how much, when they’re due, who they’re payable to, etc.

5. Know about all of your checking and savings accounts. Know how to balance a checkbook, where the extra checkbooks are kept, etc. Be sure your name is on all accounts.

6. Be sure you always let your key caller in your FRG know where you are when you will be out of town. At the very least, they will need a phone number so you can be contacted if needed. Units vary on who is allowed as the contact person with the FRG. Some allow any Army family member and some only allow Army wives.

7. In all likelihood, you will have to register yourself with Tricare each time you move to a new base.

8. If you are renting, be sure you have a military clause in your lease!

9. Put money away each paycheck for the little things that will come up related to his job – sewing on patches, dry cleaning, buying patches and equipment.

10. Do not talk about your husband’s deployments or training exercises publicly. You never know who may overhear you. For your own safety, you should try to prevent others from knowing when he is gone. This means driving both vehicles, etc.

This is an evolving list…..do you have other tips? Email me at stacey@marriedtothearmy.com