It is true that the Army does not officially recognize the girlfriends of Army soldiers. However, you only have to be “just” a girlfriend if you want to be.

Official Support Groups

Even as a girlfriend, you can generally still participate in the family readiness group and receive updates as long as your soldier passes along your contact information to the group. You can usually attend meetings and events the same as any wife of a soldier would. Note that there are some exceptions such as special operation units but most units welcome anyone who supports the soldier.

Online Support Groups

Reach out to other Army girlfriends online to form your own support group. On my Army message board, as well as many others, there are girlfriends of soldiers. You can come to the group to get information and support. Not to mention, there is plenty of information to be learned about the Army lifestyle. Just approach it from the basis that you will be ahead of the curve when you do marry your soldier.

Living with Your Soldier

It is true that you will not be allowed to live on post as an Army girlfriend. Until you are married, your soldier will not be authorized to have on post housing. However, there is nothing that stops you from moving to the area where he is stationed. You can just as easily rent an apartment in the same city as you can where you currently live. You don’t have to have a long distance relationship unless you choose to have one.

Even though the Army may not officially recognize your relationship, your soldier does. And that is all that really matters in the end, right? Be proud to be dating a soldier who is serving our country and don’t let your legal status keep you from providing support to him and reaching out for your own support from other Army family members.

In May, the Department of Defense through a partnership with the USO and Trevor Romaine company will be releasing a DVD kit entitled “With You All The Way”. The kit will include a DVD that helps school-aged children deal with deployment along with a stuffed teddy bear (named “Cuzzie”), a journal, postcards and a set of dog tags. The free kit will be distributed through USO offices and Military One Source. Get your free kit now.

from the May 2010 MTTA Newsletter

Each summer, the National Military Family Association’s Operation Purple® program provides a free week of camp for thousands of military youth who have a parent serving in the Uniformed Services. We ask them to tell us the best and hardest parts about military life in a popular activity called the Top Ten list. The messages in this toolkit summarize what they’ve said over the past few years.

The National Military Family Association created this kit to give the people in military teens’ lives- teachers, school counselors, coaches, community or religious youth group leaders, neighbors, family friends, or relatives-a way to help them manage stress and affirm the positive aspects of military life.

What we hear repeatedly from military teens is that they need people in their community to know what they’re going through.

Find out more!

Since starting the website in 2004, I have received emails at least once a month from someone who believes they are dating a soldier when, in most cases, they actually are not. Nine times out of ten, they “met” their soldier on a social networking site, such as Facebook, or an online dating site.

Upon hearing their story, it is usually pretty obvious that the “soldier” is lying about serving in the military. At the very least, he is lying about his unit affiliations. But to someone who is not familiar with the military, it is usually a little harder to distinguish the truth. Though I must say that everyone who emailed me did so because they had a feeling something was not quite right.

Some statements that should at least make you question his affiliation:

He is in a special operations unit and therefore cannot share any information with you. I would say that 95% of the ones we have proved to be fakes were claiming to be in a special operations unit. This is usually easy to figure out as they claim awards, schools or beret colors that just don’t make sense.

He has been deployed for two years, has been denied leave time and will not be coming home any time soon therefore you won’t be able to meet. Just not plausible at all.

He is on a top secret mission in a country other than Iraq or Afghanistan. Now, we certainly do have troops in other countries. However, they don’t talk about it and they certainly don’t tell you they are on a “top secret mission”.

He says he is not allowed to talk about what he does, however, he has cleared it with his CO that he can tell you enough to make you believe he is who he says. This is usually followed by outrageous lies. If he truly is not allowed to share any details about his job, his CO doesn’t even allow him to talk about it with family, much less someone he met on the internet.

He says he doesn’t have a mailing address because either he is in a classified unit or his position changes so often. It is RARE for a soldier not to have a mailing address overseas, even if he is in special operations.

He says he needs you to pay for his R&R leave because the Army doesn’t pay for it. This is absolutely false! A real soldier will not request money to travel home as he doesn’t need it!

So how can you attempt to find out if he’s telling the truth?

1. Ask for his mailing address overseas. If he can’t provide one, he is likely lying.
2. Ask him to give you his AKO email address rather than his yahoo, hotmail, etc. This will be his name @us.army.mil. All soldiers have an AKO account.
3. Ask him about the unit he is assigned to and where he is stationed. Usually, though not always, they will trip up and give the wrong duty station for a unit. Ask for specifics about the unit. So rather than just 3ID, have him tell you his company, etc.
4. Ask him what his MOS is and then ask him for the identifier. For example, infantry is 11Bravo. If he passes that test, then ask him about the training for his MOS. How long was it? Where did he go for it? You can easily find this information online to fact check him.

You can easily do this by playing the “I don’t know anything about the military, teach me!” card without raising suspicions. If you need further help to find out the truth, email me the story you’ve been given and I can give you more specific questions based on your situation.

If you don’t believe me, please read this article from the Army – Soldier Scams

These stories were submitted by site visitors. Enjoy!

*****

submitted by Lucky

My boyfriend is a soldier in the United States Army. Though I’m no stranger to military men (my grandfather, father and brother were all enlisted), this is the first time I have dated a soldier. Curious as to what I was in for, and wanting some solid guidance, I went looking for advice on how to be a good Army girlfriend. From the web. Not sure how wise that was.

I’ve seen a lot of websites that list ten things an Army girlfriend should remember and do, and some of them made great points. However, in my own time as an Army girlfriend, I’ve come upon a few revelations of my own. What follows is some humble advice on how to cope with being the significant other of soldier.

1. Get serious, and I don’t mean the relationship. Dating a soldier is a commitment, and not one to be taken lightly. If you and your soldier are ready to enter a relationship, make sure you know exactly what you’re getting into. Do some research. Read those web pages and top ten lists. Above all, talk to people who’ve lived it and ask them to be honest. Then do some soul-searching. If you’re not ready for to be an Army girlfriend and all that it entails, break it off. You’ll be doing a favor to the both of you. As soon as my guy used the g-word, I hit the keyboard and called my sister-in-law (retired Army wife extraordinaire). Both gave me a wealth of knowledge I otherwise would not have had.

2. Get used to being alone. Soldiers work long hours that they have absolutely no control over. They work weekends with little or no notice. Bases are often several towns or states away. And your honey could be shipped out at any time, for months or years. If you’re one of those girls who always needs a guy on her arm, get used to disappointment. The time he has for you will be dictated by someone else entirely. Learn to love a long distance relationship. It’s not a bad thing. You’ll have time for your friends, family, hobbies and work. Concentrate on these, and appreciate the time he’s allowed to have with you. My boyfriend is stationed an hour away, and we only see each other on weekends. So I spend my weekdays going out with my pals, catching up with my mom, and working on that promotion.

3. Don’t ask for the details. Soldiers have stories. A lot of them are funny and interesting. A lot of them are dull. And a lot of them are neither. Understand that these guys have to deal with things that the average person couldn’t imagine. Many of these are difficult and sometimes disturbing. And odds are, one of the reasons his time with you means so much to him is because it’s one of the few times he can get away from that life. So my advice? Don’t bring it up. If he wants to talk about his life in the Army, be it the crazy times with the guys in his unit, the tedium of the everyday, or even the tougher times, let him be the one to broach the subject. My boyfriend and I have plenty to talk about, from video games to the funny cashier at the grocery store, and I never bring up the Army to any extent greater than asking him how his day went. And when he does let me in on the other things, I try to listen and not pry.

4. Be cool with his friends. If your man is ready to introduce you to the guys in his unit and/or regiment, it’s a big step. Men who are stationed together are often closer than brothers. So if you get the big invite to meet them, treat it as though you were meeting his family. Dress to impress. Be polite and respectful. Don’t cling to your man like a backpack, and don’t emasculate him in front of his guys. Don’t drink to much, don’t discuss politics or religion. And most of all, be friendly. Your man’s showing you off to some of the most important people in his life; do him proud. This served me well. Making friends with the guys who serve with my boyfriend made Army gatherings twice the fun. Bonus: Meeting their girlfriends and wives provided me with a whole new support group.

5. Don’t be afraid to take the lead. Yes, we all know that a man who takes charge is appealing. But a military man spends most of his time having other people telling him where to go, when to be there, and how to be dressed. Truth be told, it’s hard for them to turn this off. That coupled with the stress and exhaustion that comes with Army life can make it hard for him to spend lots of time planning things for the two of you to do together. Now, this does NOT mean you should boss him around. But he’ll probably appreciate it if you do a share of the date-planning. Choose the restaurant, make the reservations, pre-order the tickets. If you make the effort once in a while, then he can sit back, relax, and enjoy the evening you planned.

6. Your friends won’t get it. I’m sure you have wonderful friends, and this rule may not apply to all of them. However, in my experience, finding people who understand the trials and tribulations of being in a relationship with a soldier is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Among my friends, I’ve had girlfriends who want to hook them up with soldiers in my guy’s regiment, guyfriends who ask me if he’s going to kill them if they flirt with me, and even coworkers who, shall we say, were less than supportive of the military in general. As a soldier’s girlfriend, you’ll have to field a lot of the same questions, and frequently clear up misnomers about the Army. Your girls may not get why you don’t want to go out because you’re waiting on an overseas phone call. Your guys may not get why you can’t hang until three in the morning anymore. Hopefully, you have a few close friends who’ll try to understand your new lifestyle. But be prepared: some of them just. Won’t. Get. It.

7. Don’t cheat on him. This should be a no-brainer. In fact, if being unfaithful is a possibility at all for you, I’ll have to recommend you head back on up to number one and give this relationship some serious consideration in the first place. Needless to say, soldiers place a LOT of value on loyalty. So if your guy has committed himself to an serious relationship with you, he’s most likely going to stick to that commitment, and he expects you to do the same. Far too many of my soldier friends have had “Jodi” get their girl (you may want to look that up), and it’s especially hurtful to them. They live their lives by the ideals of responsibility and faithfulness. For someone they care about to dump on those ideals is like a kick in the gut with a steel-toed boot. So if you can’t remain true, forget the whole thing and move on with your lives.

8. Censor your life. This one’s complicated. You may not think it now, but while you’re dating an Army man, weird things can get to you. I used to love the miniseries Band of Brothers, and would occasionally turn it on in the background if I I was working. Then, after falling in love with a medic, this changed, and it really caught me off gaurd. I was watching an episode, and suddenly, it hit me harder than it ever had before. I went to sleep with the screams of “MEDIC!” still in my ears. And I could never watch it again. This will probably be true for you, and even your guy, as well. Certain movies, television shows and video games were suddenly off limits in my house, because they disturbed him or gave me nightmares. Get ready to make concessions in this department, for his comfort and for your own mental well-being.

9. It’s the little things that say the most. This is true of any relationship, but it can mean so much more to a soldier. Be it baking him a batch of cookies to take back to base, writing him a letter (snail-mail) every week or even every day he’s overseas, or simply shrugging it off when he has to cancel a date last minute because he just found out he’s got an early call the next morning, doing little things that may seem insignificant to you will matter so much to him. It’s making sure to text him good night before he bunks in. It’s sending him a funny picture that will brighten his long, hard day. It’s giving him a backrub if he’s been doing hard PT all week. These little slices of normality and tenderness can mean the world. My boyfriend does his laundry at my house, and before he leaves for the week, I like to tuck love notes into the pockets of his feild gear that he can find later. The first week I did it, he came home with a grin on his face, and it brightened my world.

10. Be proud of him, and make sure he knows it. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Army life is hard. It’s demanding, it’s scary, it’s painful. It’s also, according to my Army friends, one of the most rewarding careers a person can have, and one of the greatest things one can be a part of. This conflict runs through a soldier’s mind every day. So when it comes to your feelings, make it easy for him. Be proud of what he does. Don’t pretend to be; be. It’s easy to do. A soldier is brave, he’s smart, and he’s a tough son of a gun. So what’s not to be proud of? Feel free to show your pride in the conventional ways: a bumper sticker, a t-shirt, etc. But simply telling him you’re proud of him, and meaning it, will say so much more. For my first birthday we were a couple, my boyfriend gave me a set of his dogtags. I haven’t taken them off since. And when people ask me about them, I puff out my chest and tell them the truth. They belong to the greatest man I know.

So there you have it. If you’ve decided to enter a relationship with a soldier, congratulations. But be warned: it’s not going to be anything like a “normal” relationship. Sharing your man with the Army can be a challenge. Strike that: it will be a challenge. As my soldier recently put it, some the toughest jobs in the Army belong to the women who date, or marry into, it. Soldiers act. We wait. So prepare yourself, you’re about to embark on what can often be a trying adventure.

Is it worth it? Every minute, in every way. Each second I spent apart from my boyfriend makes each moment together twice as sweet. Each time I can make his life easier, his simple gratitude fills my heart. Love the man, and you’ll love the soldier. And truth be told, that’s all you need to know.

*****

submitted by Paige

Hello,
My name is Paige. I am currently dating a soldier. His name is Eric, we’ve been together for almost 2 years and I’ve known he wanted to become a solder since the day we started dating. When we first got together, I was very skeptical about dating a guy who was going to leave me to start his career. I always imagined dating someone who would go to college and I would see on some weekends and over the holidays. But I fell in love with this great guy who wanted to serve his country. I knew going into this that I wouldn’t see him for long periods of time. But I didn’t realize how hard this would be.

He has only been gone for 4 weeks and its already starting to tear me apart. I haven’t received any letters. And I’ve only spoken to him once, for 2 minutes. I finally got his address from his parents the week before and I’ve written him 5 letters. And still nothing. I know that its not his fault. Maybe the mail screwed it up, or the Army hasn’t sent them out yet. I’m unsure and that’s the hardest part. Not knowing is the hardest part.

I love my soldier. But I feel like the Army doesn’t care about the girlfriends, only the wives and children of the soldiers. It is my understanding that if something were to happen to me (heaven forbid), he wouldn’t even know about it until someone wrote to him. He won’t get to come home or at least call. I’m nothing to him concerning the Military. It hurts.

But I’m in this for the long haul. I want to eventually marry my soldier and he is my world. I will not see him again until January when his Basic and his AIT is finished. But I will wait. My car is now decked out in Army logos and I’ve written on my car windows that I’m a proud Army Girlfriend. I’m proud of my soldier and I tell him that in every letter. I joined this site because no one I know understands how hard this is. I’m thankful for the support!

*****

submitted by Perrie

Hey to everyone my name is Perrie or Perrie Leigh which ever u prefer, people call me both. I am 22 yrs old and from the great state of Alabama. I am an Army Girlfriend and very proud to be one. We’ve been together for 7 months now, so you could say that I’m still green at being an army girlfriend. The way Bubba and I met (and lol no he’s not some kind of backwoods redneck haha I promise ladies but that’s his nickname he’s had since he was little and its just suck for the past 25 years) is a really great story, I think its kind of like a lifetime movie type of story. Well anyways we met a long long time ago, the very first time that we met I was a freshman in h.s. two good girlfriends of mine and myself went to this guy’s house to pick up one of our other girlfriends to go out that night. When we pulled up we got out of the car to go inside the house to say hey to everyone and as we were going upstairs to the front porch Nicole and Jami (the 2 girls I was with in the beginning) started talking to this guy that was talking to Kalea, the other girl we were picking up. I didn’t know the dude and they were walking inside so I was following them in as I was going inside I stopped to talk to Kalea well say hello because, she looked busy with this guy, I said hey and then she introduce me “Perrie this is Bubba, Bubba this is Perrie.” you know the usually, I said “nice to meet u” being the nice southern belle that I am and having been brought up the more traditional southern way, I had manners unlike him. He was an ass, didn’t say anything, he said what up then turned back around to face Kalea, so I continued to walk in and was like what a asshole and never thought about him until like 2 years later. He says he doesn’t remember this and I actually didn’t remember this until we were at his parents house one time and he showed me his driver’s license from back then and suddenly that memory came flying back to me. Crazy.

Now honestly I couldn’t rightly tell you just exactly how we met for the second time, the time that was a better experience haha. But you have to take note that my junior and senior year was a whirlwind kind of a blur but a GREAT blur if you catch my drift hahaha. He says the first time that he met me it was at a party that he came to and I happened to be there. He says that we met inside the house and after that we stayed outside just me and him talking the entire time and we had a fun time just talking and he today tells me that from that night on he had to have me that he had to make me his, well, he didn’t quite make that happen. I guess I just wasn’t interested at the time or it just wasn’t time for us to happen yet you know. But there was one time I went to see him at a friend’s place he was at and  had called me to come over and I was SO nervous I dragged one of my friends with me and when we got there I think I may had said 2 whole words to him the whole time. haha but we did talked on the phone ALOT! that’s one thing bubba and I can do is talk and talk and talk. But when it came to face to face talking I would chicken out get real shy I dunno why though, but then soon after that he moved up to South Carolina with his parents and really one of the last times we talked on the phone he wanted me to come up to one of the beaches up there for spring break with all his friends but I declined. I’m sorry I wasn’t going to somewhere far away with no car of my own not really knowing anybody for some guy that I just really talk to on the phone and plus I wasn’t that interested for real so I didn’t go. Right after that he enlisted into the Army and we lost touch. I would get a phone call sometimes in the beginning and then instead of a phone call I would get a MySpace message ever so often and then a MySpace message like once a year not really saying much just “Hey, how u doing?” that’s about it. He says that I never would write back but I’m sure I did. About 4 1/2 – 5 years pass and through out those years I thought about him sometimes like wondering where he’s at, what’s he doing, if there could have actually been something between us, but I never dwelled on anything I blamed it on being bored on MySpace looking at people’s profile lol.

Well anyways about 41/2-5 years go by and my best friend Rachel and I started hanging out with people that we hung out with back in the day and at this time I’m 21 yrs old and able to actually go out like really go out u know. So the people we started hanging out with and do stuff with were still older than us and they were all really good friends with Bubba they kept in touch with him and what not. I had heard them all talk about him here and there telling stories that they shared with him, but still I never gave it a second thought. His best friend kept telling Bubba about me and what we were doing, what I was doing, how I was doing and this started and December (I found all this a lot later) and then that Feb we were all over at Rachel’s place having game night and one of his friends was talking to Bubba on the phone and then his friend called me over there and said that there was someone on the phone that wanted to talk to me so I was like ok. I said hello and it was him. It was the first time I had talked to him in years! The conversation didn’t last long at all, I was actually dating someone else at the time so still yet I again didn’t think twice about it. But it was good to talk to him and to know he was doing ok. He was all the way over in Kuwait where he had been for 13 months out of the 15 months he had to be there, so calling was a big deal. And I realized that and I had respect for the situation for a soldier calling from where he was deployed. After that night we had talked he started calling. He called me everyday while he was over in Kuwait and like the old times we talked forever on the phone or well as long as he could on the phone when he called me. And ever since then we’ve never gone a day without talking to each other.

He finally came back home in April and he had a four day pass so he took it to come to Alabama to see me for one day lol and it was the best day of my life! He went back to El Paso for the rest of the month and I counted down the days when he was coming back for a 30 day leave in May it finally came and it was wonderful! We went to Florida for 7 days and went up to his parents in South Carolina for a weekend and the rest of the time he stayed with me at my house. We never left each other’s side and from there on I knew that I was and am so deeply in love with this boy and I knew and felt that he felt the same way about me, I’ve never doubted that. Since then we’ve been very fortunate to be able to at least see each other once a month for usually about 3 days at a time. We make the most out of the time we are able to have together, it brings us closer and makes us realize just how much we mean to each other and how much we want us to work and how much we one day want to be able to fall asleep with each other and wake with each other every night and everyday. That’s my one wish and hope that it’ll happen one day. He asked me to marry him on Sept 19 while I as was at work lol I was like what in the world haha he told me that he couldn’t hold it in anymore and it just busted out of him and of course I said yes but there is no date just yet I’d like to be together for about year before we get married. I am very very excited though I cant wait! While he was in Kuwait he reenlisted for another 4 years so I know ill be getting very acquainted with the Army and how everything works. To tell the truth I’m actually looking forward to moving to El Paso being with my honey of course but I’m looking forward to meeting new people, making friends with all the Army wives and girlfriends, meeting all his buddies he talks about, and having this whole new life to experience and being able to experience it and start a new life with the love of my life.

Things that I have learned and figured out so far about being an Army Girlfriend:
~Trust him…trust him that when he says he loves you and only you believe that he means it.When he goes out with his buddies don’t think about how all these girls maybe throwing themselves at him or hitting on him, trust him to know that if that happens he will walk away or call you or say that he is taken and not interested because he is thinking the same thing when you go out with your friends

~Be understanding…. understand why he has to do certain things sometimes and cannot make time for you I’ve learned that the Army comes first and I come second. Be understanding when he talks to you and he’s being short and not very talkative like usual keep in mind that he has a lot on his plate and people are expecting and depending on him to complete certain tasks and it can be very very very stressful but
remember he doesn’t mean it and its nothing towards you.

~Make the most of what you have….. make the best out of what you can have with him when he’s not with you come up with ways of how you two can be close without being able to actually be with each other. What we came up with is movie night like it may sound a bit retarded to you but it’s great really. we’ll rent the movie and watch it together and stay on the phone the entire time during it we’ve just kinda recently started this and we really enjoy it because it gives us the feeling of really being together I recommend this idea to anyone with a loved one that is far away.

~ Keep yourself busy….if you keep yourself busy you’re not going to think about it so much. Start a hobby like start working out so when he comes back you’ll have a bangin’ body! lol That’s what I’m doing lol work on a project at the house or for your career do something positive for yourself that will benefit you so your focus is elsewhere and you can gain from it and it will also show him that you are ok be by yourself and he doesn’t have to worry that much about leaving you alone because he will know that you have your own thing and you can handle yourself too.

~ The most important is LOVE!……love conquers everything! Love can endure anything whatever the situation may be. If you truly love one another and want to be with each other there is no doubt that ya’ll will be able to make it through this. Love is patient, love is kind, love not jealous, love is  understanding, love forgives, love is him and to him you are love.

It’s very hard to be an army girlfriend I didn’t quite know exactly what I was getting myself into until I was put into situations and then I had to go on how I felt and believed I should react and handle myself. I haven’t really had anyone to really talk to except my mom and I believe she does know somewhat of what I am feeling because my dad is a firefighter so I’m very grateful to have her and to able to talk to her. I’ve only broken down once to bubba before about how hard it has been on me and being so far away from each other and I feel terrible about it because I know it just made everything worse for him, because I remember how his voice changed his tone changed into something I’ve never heard, like a scared worried tone I guess it would be something like that if you had to describe it but really you can’t. I didn’t mean to do it it just happened but I make sure now that I keep my crying and my weaknesses to myself now, putting them to the side and reminding myself that I will be fine and God wouldn’t give me anything that I can not handle and I think this is the greatest test he has put me through because the reward is so worth it. I wish to all you army girlfriends the best and remember this experience just makes the bond and relationship between you and your man stronger. You should feel privileged, that he chose you and that he believes and has faith in you that you are that rare breed of a woman. It takes an certain type of woman to be able to handle this; a very strong independent assured woman and that is what your man thinks of you. I think it’s great that Bubba sees that in me it makes me feel better about myself and makes me want to go farther in my life and in our life together. Thank you for letting me share my story with ya’ll sorry I didn’t figure it would be this long I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought I did.
Good luck to all ya’ll Army Girlfriends thanks again
With Love,
~Perrie Leigh~
P.S.
I’m so glad to find site that not only supports the wives but supports the girlfriends and fiancées too!

*****

submitted by Sam
I started dating my soldier Kyle when I was 17 & he was 19. Joining
the army was something he occasionally thought of. We were together 2
1/2 years when one day he said he was seriously thinking about it. I
instantly started crying. That night we went to dinner to further
discuss it & I cried in the restaurant the whole time! We talked about
waiting a year after he joined to get married. He took a practice test
the next day & was swore in the next month. It happened fast!!

At first I will admit, I was not the most supportive. I cried everyday &
worried what would happen to us. He’s my first real love & the thought
of him being gone seemed more then I could handle some days. He did
delayed entry because he promised me he’d spend my birthday with me.
So I had from January to July to get use to the thought of him being
gone. (he was supposed to leave in April but his recruiter wasn’t the
best!) the morning he left was surreal. He called me one last time
from his cell to wake me up & tell me he loved me. I met his family at
the recruiting station. His bus was scheduled to pick him up at 11. He
brought me a stuffed tiger he’d had forever to keep. I tried to be as
strong as I could, but broke down. I promised I’d go to his BCT
graduation to help break up the time until Christmas exodous.

He left fast! The bus came & they were off! I’d thought for months of what I
would say to him before he left, but the recruiters were yelling at
them to get on. He called me before he got on the plane to tell me he
loved me. 10 days later he called me for the first time to tell me he
arrived at FLW & wanted to know if I’d marry him!! Of course I said
yes! After that I got a call every Sunday for about 15-20 mins. (he
got longer but also called his family) I sent him letters everyday & I
got about 3-4 a week. Basic went by fast! The week before his
graduation I got his name tag from his ACU’s! That meant the world to
me! Me & his sister flew from California to Missouri for 1day! His
graduation ceremony was amazing. I told his sister, “you’ll never
forget the moment you first see him in his uniform!” I was right! He
looked so handsome! We got from 10-8 for family time. I was nervous he
might be different, but nope! It was the same Kyle! Just more
respectful. Saying goodbye after not seeing him for 10 weeks & seeing
him for a day was rough!! Once he got to GA for AIT they were allowed
cell phones so that helps! I get to talk to him everyday & their
pretty much free on weekends. I love getting picture mail with him in
his uniform! It makes me so proud!

A few tips from my experience!

Trust!!! Trust that your soldier is way too busy/exhausted to be
cheating. So don’t worry!

Be supportive!! He’s about to do something that few people have the
courage & the selflessness to do!

Stay close with his family! I hung out with his mom & sister a lot.
It’s great to hear embarrassing stories!!

Know that depending on his MOS, he can’t tell you a lot. Here’s what
your conversation might sound like, “how was tour day?” “fine”. “what’d you
learn?” “nothing”

Hope those helped some of you! Stay strong!!

*****

submitted by Sarah

As you can tell my soldier just left for OSUT so my story is more about staying sane when he leaves and your only dating him.:)   – Tips for dating a soldier: Encouragement, encouragement, encouragement! Deciding to join the army can be a difficult decision (especially if he has a significant other). He wants to hear that you support him. He knows how hard its going to be when your away from each other, so I tried to stay off of that subject until it got to within a week of him leaving.

- Challenges in dating a soldier: Obviously not always being together. People seem to always bring that up and no, its not fun but that’s part of the army! Before he leaves he’s probably going to be really anxious, mine was, but just remind him that it will go by fast once he’s gone.

- Tips for staying connected: ALWAYS keep your phone with you and on the highest volume possible! He will call at random unexpected times. And trust me, its awful when you miss a phone call.

- How to deal with people who say you shouldn’t deal with the separation: I get this one a lot, not in those words necessarily. I get the “I could never deal with that.” or “How can you deal with that if you aren’t even married yet”. Those suck, I’m not going to lie, but its easy to explain to people that you do what you have to do if you love that person!

- How you met your soldier: I met my soldier senior year of high school. We’ve been together a little over 9 months.

- How you show your support when you don’t live together: Personally, I decked my car out in army stuff. I have seat covers, decals, a steering wheel cover. I also got a little tattoo on my foot of dogtags with a heart on it to symbolize that I love my soldier forever.

- Any other relevant topic!: I wasn’t afraid to cry on his shoulder before he left. He’s sad and has emotions too! It’s better to get them out together. Also, if he’s gone, stay as busy as you possibly can. It makes time go so much faster!

*****

submitted by Sharquarius
Hey my name is Sharquarius. I’m 20 years old. My fiancée and I have been
together since I was 16. This June will make 5 years we have been together.
As soon as I turned 18, we got a place together. He was 2 years older and had already finished school. He was always there to help me when I needed him. We were real young and little did we know that all the hill we had to come over would lead us to the love that we share to day.

My fiancée knew when we started talking that I hate the army, and that I didn’t want to deal with the stress that the army puts on a family. But most of all I knew I wanted kids and didn’t want them to deal with the stress of just having one parent around. He’s a great person and I know that he would be a great father and I wouldn’t want them to miss that. When he told me that he was going in the army I felt like he didn’t care about me at all. I asked myself how could he deal with being away from me like that. When I knew I missed him even if he was just next door. It took me along time to forgive him. Even when deep down I know he did it so we could have the family we want with out worrying about money. It was just so hard when I was so used to doing everything with him or just having my best friend there to talk to. I felt like my man was cheating on me with Uncle Sam and I had no way of getting him back.

But no matter how lonely I was or how much I was hurting, I knew that I had to deal with it. Because I knew that he was the only man that could make my heart beat nothing but joy. As long as I knew that I had his heart and love I could let Uncle Sam borrow the rest of him. It not a easy thing to do but if you know that your heart desires to be next to no one’s heart but your solider then its more than worth the wait.

These stories were submitted by site visitors. Enjoy!

*****

submitted by Alisha

I started dating my boyfriend when I was 15 he was 17.
We fell in love quickly, after dating for about a year, and he was 18 he
told me some army recruiters had stopped by during lunch at school and
they said he had potential physically after completing a pt test with
him. he immediately began processing into the military. I didn’t really
know what to expect. I was supportive, but I didn’t really know what I
was in for either.

The day he left was hard but it still hadn’t hit me, but a few weeks
later I became really depressed. I missed him, a lot. Things became
easier as I received many letters over the course of the 16 weeks of btc
and ait, until we found out he would be stationed in Germany.
Initially I freaked out. I didn’t know what to do, how to feel, and I
didn’t know what to say. I wanted to be supportive but at the same time,
I was still in high school, it was a really rough piece of news to
receive.

Eventually I decided that id stay with him, I went to his graduation, it
was so nice to see him again. He was a new person, filled with pride. We
spent a few weeks of leave together, and off he went to Germany. The day
he left was so hard for me, and him as well.

He was infantry and trained a lot but he made time to call me every
night when he wasn’t in the field. We maintained what relationship we
could.

We remained in love and missed each other very much. He came home every 6 months for about 2 weeks at a time. We went through a lot of hard times. I hated the army, I wanted him to quit, he wanted to quit, we fought a lot, but we never ever broke up (we wanted to get married but I had failed my senior year because I missed to much school, because I was extremely depressed)

About 2 years into his career he got deployed, I was devastated, but I
remained strong over the phone, I tried to be as supportive as
possible.

Thankfully he went back to Germany safely. Soon after he injured his
ankle during training, he broke his ankle, ultimately he got med
boarded, and came home in 2007.

He misses army life. In 2008 I started thinking about joining, he
supported me, told me probably everything I need to know, answered all
of my questions and I joined the army as a dental specialist September
2009. I’m delayed entry until march. Isn’t it ironic? We are very
excited, and interested to literally walk in each others shoes.
We plan to get married after I join. January 11 2010 will be our five
year anniversary and after everything I wouldn’t change a thing.

If I could give any advice it would be to remain strong in yourself, and
remain strong for your soldier. They need your support the most.

*****

submitted by Angelina

Hi!! I’m Angelina. I’m 20 years old, and I’m the very proud girlfriend of a U.S. Army Soldier!! He and I always joke that our story would make such a good movie =]

I met my soldier 5 years ago while hanging out with his older brother – my best friend at the time. I was sitting in the den, watching everyone play video games while my soldier was on his computer listening to music next to me. Dirty Deeds by AC/DC came on. I looked over at him, and we both broke out singing. As cliche as it sounds, it was then that we fell in love with each other. He thought I was the coolest girl ever for knowing the words to a song few other girls would, and I simply thought he was amazing.

I could say that after that, the rest is history and we lived happily ever after from that moment on, but that would be lying. Things got in the way, and we both dated other people and went on with our lives for 4 years, though we always remained friends. In the Spring of ’08, he joined the Army and went off to Ft Knox for basic training soon after. I figured that was it for us. I’d lost my chance. Little did I know, that was just the start.

A few nights after he’d returned home from Basic Training, I had a dream that he’d come home where I ran up to him, surprised and ecstatic that he was back. I told him about the dream, we began talking on a regular basis, and soon after, we started dating. Everyone thought I was crazy for committing to someone who would be stationed halfway across the country, but he and I knew it was right. We’d waited for this for 4 years. We weren’t giving up our chance.

It’s been almost a year since then, and he’s been deployed in Iraq for the past 9 months, but I don’t regret my decision, and I wouldn’t have my life any other way. Sure, there are days that I’d rather not get out of bed, when I’m lonely and all I want to do is cry. Of course, I’m angry sometimes, and I get so sick of playing the waiting game and having no control while he’s deployed. Yes, there are times that I think I’m crazy for choosing this life, when I could have it so much easier if I’d wanted. But that’s not what life, or love, is about. It’s about going for what you want, taking chances, falling down just to get back up and do it again. And if that’s what it takes to be with my soldier, then throw anything you want at me - I’ll get through. I’m Army Strong, too.

I hope this helped out or gave hope or comfort to those of you who are also dating a soldier and/or are in a similar situation to mine. I know it gets rough, and sometimes, all we need to know is that we’re not alone, that someone else understands and is doing it too. We’ve all got to stick together and support each other in any way we can!!

*****

submitted by Jessica

Hi, my name is Jessica and I was the girlfriend and then the fiancé of an Army Ranger.

My husband enlisted in July of 2003, only months after we had invaded Iraq.  Needless to say, I was not thrilled with his decision.  We had already been dating for a year and a half and a good amount of that time was long distance.  I was attending the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, Virginia and he was in Northern California with his parents when he made the decision to enlist.  I was scared of the thought of him going to war, but even more scared that this new lifestyle would make us grow apart.  But I decided to give it a shot and hope that we could make it through this, and we did!

Basic Training began in October of that same year and I don’t remember it being terrible.  We both wrote a lot of letters and he called me whenever he could.  I was able to attend his Basic Training graduation, which conveniently fell on Valentine’s Day weekend.  I saw him again after his RIP graduation – this time he came to see me.  We spent an amazing week together but saying good-bye proved more difficult than before.  Although there were no deployment orders (yet) I knew in my heart that the minute he arrived at his duty station he would be gone.  Sure enough, about a week after he had arrived at 1^st Ranger Battalion, I got the call.  He was schedule to deploy to Iraq in a matter of days.  I was a junior in college and had no way of just picking up and leaving for Georgia.  So I had to say my good-byes over the phone.  That was probably one of the hardest things I ever had to do.  To make matters worse, when he arrived from that first deployment, I was not there to greet him.  Only wives were notified of the unit’s arrival and they were the only ones allowed on the airfield when their plane landed.

My husband proposed before his second deployment.  At that point, I became the sole beneficiary of his life insurance policy and he granted me power of attorney.  This proved to be a frustrating task as he was repeatedly asked if he was sure he wanted to leave that kind of power to someone he was not married to.  Although I had complete control over his finances and legal matters, I was still not an Army wife.  This meant I could not be included in phone trees or any kind of support system.  I truly felt like I was discriminated against by the larger Army community for not being married.  I was never able to see him off on any of his deployments (a total of 3) and was only able to be there for his homecoming once.

Even when my husband was state side, life was not much easier.  I was in Virginia and he was in Georgia, so I felt like I was constantly out of the loop.  My cell phone was my best friend during this time because it was my main link to him.  We tried to see each other as much as we could, but at best we were together once a month.  So did this lifestyle put a strain on our relationship?  Of course it did, but in the end, it brought us closer together.  We made the best out of the time we were together and got to know so much more about each other from the endless hours of cell phone talk.  This time apart established the strong trusting relationship we have now.

My husband and I got married in March of 2007, almost a year after he was honorably discharged from active duty.  When I think back to his Army days, the hardest part of being an Army Girlfriend/Fiancé was the fact that I had no support system of any kind.  During his deployments, I had no one who could remotely understand what I was going through.  Although my college friends tried to help, they just couldn’t understand what I was feeling during those difficult times.

The lack of a support system for Army Girlfriends/Fiancés is just one of the many reasons why this site is so useful.  I wish I would have know about Married to the Army and Army Wife Chat when my husband was in the Army and especially during his deployments.  It definitely would have helped a lot!  But at the end of the day, this experience made me a stronger person and has resulted in the addition of many great friends.

*****

submitted by Katie

I meet my fiance 7 months ago. yes that’s short but I know with every bone in my body its right. It all started one night when I couldn’t  sleep I was online and just in those stupid AOL chat rooms, when this guy IM’d me.

We started talking and he told me he was in the army and even sent me pictures, he was stationed in South Korea at the time for a year but only had 3 months left. We talked that night for 6 hours straight and every night after that for 6,7,8 hours on end. We connected so much it was like I knew him my whole life.

He asked me if I would be his girlfriend and I said yes. With today’s technology we talked every night, he called me when he could (because of the time difference) and we would video chat all the time as well. We dated his last 3 months in Korea and he had bought a ticket to come see me after he got home for a week, he’s from Boston and I live in PA. About 2-3 weeks before he was to leave Korea he broke up with me. My heart was broken, but we made an agreement to stay friends and that I would still visit him in Ft. Drum, where he was stationed next. When he got back to Boston we still talked everyday on the phone, online, thru texts everything. It was like we never broke up. Then he tried to date someone else, but still talked and flirted with me like crazy.

Needless to say the one day I couldn’t hold my feelings back anymore and told him that I still loved him, and he said he still loved me too. I asked him why he broke up with me and he said it was too good to be true, I am his perfect match and he can see me being his wife the rest of his life. We got back together, and last weekend he had a 4 day weekend so he came to see me, for the first time in person. Let’s just say that every girl has that dream where there prince sweeps them off there feet, this was my dream come true. The weekend was amazing and he asked me to marry him. We are planning to do a Justice of the Peace ceremony by July hopefully for now, because he wants to be married to me before he leaves for Afghanistan, which we are not sure yet when that will be.

All I can say is that yes, most people think I’m crazy for meeting my fiance online, and only knowing him for 7 months and then getting married so soon. But when you are in love and you know it, you have that feeling of absolute certainty you should never let it go. I have never been more certain about anything in my life, and I can’t wait to be his wife. The first year or so will be rough with his deployment but we’ve made it this far we can get through anything.

**I have an update. I got married the day after Easter, April 5, 2010. I couldn’t be more happy with the life I have been given and the man that makes my life complete. As of now I am not living with my husband due to the fact that I am going to finish school first but I talk to him everyday and night and we try to see each other on weekends. Well just wanted to let you all know.

*****

submitted by Keisha

My experience as dating a solider is way different than I first expected it to be. At first, I was begging him not to sign up and all I could think about is negative thoughts. But as time went out I learn to support his decision of joining the Army and over time I as so happy that he decided to go. We have been dating for three years but have known each other for six. At first during bootcamp was a little hard but then I got used to not expecting a call everyday. It was just hard going from seeing that person and talking to them everyday to only communication through mail. And then during AIT he had more chances to call me.

The big big tip is to be patient and do not expect anything. I feel like if you expect a phone call or something and then don’t get it then you are more likely to be disappointed. Also, be very supportive. They look for someone to stick by them even through the hard times and trust me being patient is so worth it and from my experience it has been a good thing (I just recently got engaged!!!). Trust is also a good thing to remember, most of the time you will be away from your solider so if you have a good trusting relationship that will help a lot. Me and my soldier live about 12 hours away and I only see him about four days every month and we try to cherish those few days we have with each other. In the end, I am so excited that I am going to be an Army wife!!

*****

submitted by Lindsey

Hi, my name is Lindsey and this is my story. It all started when I was six years old. My family and I had just moved to a new town and we had just settled in. I was such a sociable child so it was not hard for me to make new friends. My older brother, Nick, joined boy scouts, with my father as his troop leader. And that is when I met Raymond. At first we were like any other 6-7 year olds. I was a MAJOR tom-boy when I was younger. I tagged along when my father and brother went to boy scouts and soon became good friends with Ray.

As we grew older our relationship fluctuated. One moment we were friends, the next enemy’s, and finally we dated. It only lasted a week, in middle school, and we didn’t really get the whole “dating” thing. A few years later we grew closer. It was my junior year, his senior, and we were in the same class together. Every day we talked, laughed, and joked around like old friends do. At the end of the school year Ray and I fooled our friend, Tom, by making him think we were dating. This act went on for about two weeks. And then we broke up. It was the most HILARIOUS fake break up ever! A week or so went by and we were still laughing at our success. And that’s when we realized, dating each other was actually kind of fun.

I worked up the nerve to ask him to be my boyfriend, for real this time. He said yes but on one condition. “You know, I’ll probably break up with you before boot camp

right?” he said, I just shrugged it off. The first week or so it was awkward, like dating your brother. After a month or so I started falling for this boy. Two months in and then came the bad news. “Do you really have to go?” I asked him, come on you all know you’ve asked once or twice. So I packed his bags, because lets face it, the boy can’t pack, and I watched him say his goodbyes to his family. I was the last person he hugged. They got a picture of us hugging, me bawling my eyes out, he was impatient with a hint of excitement and worry, and his recruiter in the background….laughing.  I hate that picture. I couldn’t watch the car drive away.

After what seemed like the LONGEST three weeks of my life, he called. I cried. While at boot camp he called every Sunday for a half an hour. We wrote letters back and forth, me being a writer pouring my soul onto those papers, him being not much of a writer writing “Miss you too, yes I’m fine, Can you send me a picture I miss seeing your face.” Boot camp was finally over. I bought a plane ticket to South Carolina to go to his graduation. He was not the same person. We had dinner in the mess hall and every thing I did he was like “Stop that”, or “You look foolish”. This was not the boy I grew up with. I also felt very insecure when I went to SC. He was MUCH skinnier, though I never saw him as fat, and I, even though I lost 10 pounds, still looked like a cow compared to everyone else.

We parted, he was headed to Alabama for AIT, I was headed back home. He got his laptop and phone privileges and I thought I was in heaven. The months passed, and although we hadn’t physically spent a lot of time together, I was falling for him. He called me on my 18th birthday at midnight. He came home for Christmas and I was the happiest girl alive! Ray was back to his old self. A friend of mine, who is much older and wiser, has been through what I have been through and she says it happens to all of them. Boot camp breaks them down, but once they get their freedoms back they revert back to who they used to be….but not fully. He was still the boy I fell in love with, but now he was a man.

New Years changed my life. I had been telling myself I would stay a virgin until I was at least out of college, so I wouldn’t end up pregnant, even though I was on birth control. But new years eve…..something clicked. I won’t go into details but, it was the most awkward, magical, hilarious, romantic, freezing cold, experience of my life…And I loved every minute of it. And then he left me…again. As he was hugging me at the airport I held back tears and I whispered ”You know, this is the third time I’ve had to watch you walk away from me?”. All he could say was “I love you”.

The months passed and March rolled around. Ray’s aunt was dying. Instead of taking the two weeks leave he had to come to my prom and graduation, he used them on visiting her. I am so glad he did. Prom sucked anyways. I took him out to dinner, wore my prom dress a month before I was supposed to, and paid. He was happy about the dress and dinner (at his favorite restaurant) but he was mad that I wouldn’t let him pay. He left again, after his two weeks, back to Florida. July 4th weekend I flew down with his mom and uncle to visit him in Florida. That was the best vacation of my life. We were on the white sands of Destin beach when he leaned over, kissed my forehead, and whispered “I love you more than breathing.” I melted! For some time I thought he was going to ask me to marry him. I thought he would do it in Florida, I mean it was SO ROMANTIC. But it didn’t happen. The day I left Florida for home was also the day he left Florida for Oklahoma. That last night was magical. We spent all night talking, just lying in each others arms. And then I fell asleep.

When I woke, (we had a room to ourselves), he was no where to be found. I knew he was leaving that same day, but I thought he would have at least woken me up to say goodbye. I rolled over, disappointed, and I heard a crinkling noise. There was a note on my pillow. “Good morning babe. I didn’t want to wake you, but I had PT this morning. I should be back by 5:30. I love you.” I smiled and looked at the clock. It was 4:45 in the morning. I think I woke up because I felt the absence of his body next to mine. I fell back asleep, tired as hell. When I woke up I was facing the bedside table. The clock read 6:30. His plane left at 9:00. “Shit” I thought as I turned over, afraid I had missed him. And who did I see? Raymond, smiling down on me.

“How…What..Whe…” I babbled. He leaned down and kissed me. He told me he came back from PT and saw me still sleeping, note in hand, and decided to take a shower while he had the chance. He said he was watching me sleep, laughing every time I snored or made a funny face. I was so embarrassed, before Florida we had never slept in the same bed, let alone the same house! My cheeks flushed and he told me not to worry, It was “cute”. We parted ways and prayed that he would come home soon. His stay in OK only lasted a month or so. The day Raymond came home was the day his Aunt died. Everyone, including myself, were gathered at her house.

Judy had Down Syndrome. She was the sweetest woman I had ever met. Everyone was gathered at her house, and I know it sounds bad, but we were waiting for her to die, waiting for the suffering to end. We all thought she was waiting for him. She just wasn’t strong enough to wait any longer. Judy died about an hour before Ray got home. He was a wreck. I accompanied him to the wake and funeral.

Believe it or not, life went on a little while after that. Ray was home for a month. That’s when I heard the bad news. He was being deployed to Korea. It seemed like that year had gone by so fast. He couldn’t be leaving me. September 4th he asked me to marry him. After July I had given up on hoping for things, because when they didn’t happen I was even more upset. I was in total shock. I don’t remember my exact answer, but obviously it was a yes. He left for Korea September 20th, 2009. Now I sit here, typing this letter, waiting for my soldier to come home, so we can get married!

My advice:

1) be patient, regular relationships are hard enough as it is, but adding the military, boot camp, being in the field, and deployment…..it takes a big toll on the heart. If you are patient enough, love will find a way.

2) be supportive. you may not love the idea of your loved one going off, but the fact is, they are government property, they cant control their actions anymore, The Army says jump, they jump. If he jumps, you jump too. You may not like it, but tis life, and all he really needs right now is your love and support.

3)have fun! Respect the rules, but still be yourself, remind him/her of who you are, who they are, and what it was like before the Army. Its always good to laugh.

4) Stay strong. Keeping a strong image in front of your soldier lets them know you’re alright, even when you’re not. When they’re gone is the time to let it all out, but

5) NEVER break down in front of your soldier. yes it is ok to cry, or show concern, but if you can’t handle it, neither can they, They have as much stress as you, if not more. Breaking down just adds to their stress, and then they worry about you, and not about their job.

6) don’t distract your soldier. They are married to the Army first, you second. If you distract your soldier, even in the slightest, they may lose focus and hurt someone because they are not doing their job right.

7) You are married to the Army. Respect it. Learn it, Live it. Love it. There is really not much else to say about that.

I have run into this so much lately in both real life and online. Why do military wives (actually this is anyone connected to a soldier but I’m going to just say wives to keep it simple!) feel the need to one up each other for who has the worst situation? Let me give you a few examples of what I’m referring to.

Comments I’ve overheard around other military wives or witnessed on message boards:

1. “You sure are lucky your husband only deploys for 3-4 months at a time. My life is much harder than yours because my soldier deploys for xx months.” Please keep in mind that soldiers with shorter deployment schedules also usually have more frequent deployment schedules.

2. “My husband is in the field for two weeks. We’ve never been apart before and I don’t know how to cope. Any tips?” This could just as easily read basic training, any school, etc. The reactions from others: “Be happy he’s not in a war zone.” or “Get over it, you signed on for this life.” or “My husband’s been deployed for XX months. You have it so easy, quit complaining.”

3. “I miss my husband so much! I can’t wait until this deployment is over. These last few months are dragging by.” The reactions? “You should just be happy it is almost over. I’m just beginning this deployment. Want to trade places with me?” or “My friend’s husband just left for nine months, you only have a few months to go? What a piece of cake.”

Do you notice anything here? Now of course not all of the comments received are so spiteful but it amazes me that these women are replied to with any of these types of comments. As military wives, we are suppose to be SUPPORTIVE of each other. We should do what we can to help a fellow military spouse through whatever it is she is enduring especially if we can offer been there, done that advice. Why do we feel the need to play the “who’s got it worse” game?

Separations from our loved ones are separations period. It doesn’t matter if it’s for two weeks or two years, if its for basic training, deployment or an overseas duty assignment, it is still a separation. No matter which of these situations it is, we all know what it is like to have to sleep in an empty bed, to wake up in the middle of the night thinking it was all a bad dream until you roll over and once again, he’s not there, to jump every time the phone rings hoping its him and to panic every time the doorbell rings hoping you won’t find someone in a dress uniform on the other side.

Even more recently, I was approached with the sentiment that Army parents have it much harder during deployments than Army wives because I can just replace my husband if he is killed. Wow! Let’s just say I’m sure you could see the steam coming from my ears with that one. I’m not here to debate who has it harder. But no life is replaceable and had they really thought about it, they would see how ridiculous that statement is since every husband is someone’s son!

We all share common ground and we can make our military communities stronger by being supportive of one another. Reach out to the wife who’s having a hard time dealing with her husband at basic training. It wasn’t that long ago when you were there, remember? Take the time to offer some tips to the wife who is about to endure her first deployment. Just imagine the impact you may have on someone for them to know that a complete stranger cares about their well being and wants to be sure they are okay.

Stepping down from my soapbox….

Recently, I had another Army wife who lives here in town tell me that there’s nothing to do here and she really doesn’t like this town. I was a little in shock. I think there’s lots to do here and I love living here. If real estate prices weren’t so completely insane, I would really love it here! Later that week, I took her downtown since they were having a festival on River Street. We also parked close to Leopold’s Ice Cream and then walked through City Market.

She was completely in awe. She kept telling me how awesome this was and she couldn’t believe she had never seen this part of town. So I asked her what she had based her earlier judgment on? The mall? The grocery story? The clinic on post? LOL! And she couldn’t really answer me.

This is not the first time I’ve run into this attitude. Either in real life or through the website via emails, it seems to be rather popular to hate where you are. I read a post on a message board once that said there was nothing to do in Jacksonville, FL. WHAT?! There’s so much to do there. We used to go there on the weekends before my husband joined the Army so we would have something to do!

I realize its not easy as an Army family to always have to be moving, starting over, leaving friends behind and the comfort of knowing your way around where you live. But before you judge your new place, GET OUT THERE! Explore the town…beyond the gates of the post. Go to the visitor’s center and pick up every brochure you see. Find out what your new town has to offer and then look at it with an open mind. Maybe your favorite activity isn’t offered there but what about branching out and trying something new? It’s a shame the store you always shop at or the restaurant you always eat at isn’t in your new town, but rather than sulk about it…try something new!

Part of the joy of being a part of the military is that you do get to experience new things, new people and new places. Take advantage of the fact that you get to live there. The town we’re in now is a hot tourist destination…there has to be a reason for that, right? So go out and find out what all the fuss is about, then make up your mind.

Keep in mind as well that you will seek out what you want to make true. If you decide ahead of time that your new place sucks, then you will subconsciously look for things that reinforce your belief and ignore things that go against it. But the same is true when you tell yourself that it is going to be a positive experience. Let’s face it, the Army won’t move you just because you decide you don’t like the new town. So why not find a way to be happy about it and not waste time being down in the dumps about something you can’t change? Isn’t it better to be positive?

Think about it…

It seems like this would be a statement that goes without saying. But lately it seems I’ve been hearing many stories about wives believing they wear the rank of their soldier. And surprisingly, it hasn’t been just an officer vs. enlisted mentality. Some of the most recent stories involve just enlisted wives. Wow!

As an Army wife, it is very easy to get wrapped up in your husband’s career. It is, after all, one of the few career paths he can choose that involves the entire family. I can’t think of too many corporations that have family support groups or social gatherings for spouses only. But whether you’re the 4 Star General’s spouse or the spouse of a PV2, you’re just a spouse! No more, no less. Or in the eyes of the Army, you’re a dependent (I hate that word by the way!).

Your husband’s rank has no bearing on who YOU are as a person. When I was Director of Marketing, my husband didn’t go around telling everyone he was a “Director’s Husband”. Though that would have been kind of funny. Seriously, rank should never enter the equation. Sure you are proud of your husband’s accomplishments and rightly so. We all are. But they are just that…his accomplishments. If anyone receives special treatment for rank, it will be him because he is the one who has earned it.

The best gatherings I have been at among wives are the ones where no one knows the rank or job of anyone else’s husband. At a recent gathering, the subject was actually changed when it was brought up by a newer spouse and I thought it was great. It reflected well on the ones who refused to discuss it.

Let’s all agree that we each have something (and someone) to be proud of as Army wives. We all have reason to be equally proud because no matter the rank, our spouse volunteered to serve our country and protect our freedoms. They took the same oath and they defend the same flag. Let’s all stand together, support one another and let the word “rank” become taboo.

*Several women who are serving in the military have emailed me about this article. Rest assured, I realize that you do have rank and you deserve to be respected for it as you have earned it. In this case, just replace every instance of “wife” with “husband” and vice versa. There is no disrespect intended towards female soldiers with this article.

These stories were submitted by site visitors. Enjoy!

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by Paige Feliciano

Hello everyone! It is so great to be able to share my feelings and thoughts with other army wives that can understand what I am going through. Lately I have felt so alone through this roller coaster of military life.

My husband joined the army November of last year..so I’m actually pretty new to this. However, in this year I have went through so much trying to understand the principles of being an army wife.

The whole idea of him joining the military came along when we found out I was pregnant it June. On top of that, we had both just turned 18..We had just graduated from high school and neither of us had a job or was attending college.

At the time we weren’t married. My husband, Nicholas, decided that joining the military would be the best thing for our daughter’s future. So in November he left for boot camp. It was very hard without him there through my pregnancy. The worst part of it was his graduation date was my due date. And wouldn’t you know our daughter arrived on exactly that day. So I wasn’t able to attend his graduation, and he wasn’t able to experience the birth of our child.

That was only one of the many obstacles I have encountered through this
experience. He was not able to meet our daughter until she was 2 months old since he was only in AIT at the time. I found myself angry at him at times because I was taking care of Natasha, our daughter, all by myself. And me being a new mother it was very hard. Our daughter had complications with her stomach and was very colicky. I got no sleep and was very depressed. And it would upset me when I would call him and he would be at the movies or hanging out drinking on the weekends when I was sitting at home trying to find any way to stop our daughter from crying.

However, I was not thinking of his feelings at the same time. I didn’t realize how much he was actually going through and how much he would rather be at home helping me with her. And how badly he wished he could be able to spend more time with her. It was very hard on him to miss her birth. I
think that was the hardest thing in the beginning.

In May we got a place together on base. I was finally starting to get used to
our house and cooking and cleaning. I loved the lifestyle we had. I had just
started to get everything into place and then he received orders to ship to Iraq on the first of November this year. So I decided to come back home with my family considering the fact that I hadn’t met anyone where he was stationed. So we had to pack everything up all over again.

It is so hard for me to go through this right now. It is our daughters first
Christmas. Her first birthday is in a month. He will miss her first step. And
the hardest part is imagining how he must feel. I hate that he is out there.
Alone. With no family for the holidays. But I’m trying my hardest to keep my head up and support him in every way possible. I send care packages galore! I write him a letter every single day. I hear from him once a week at least. It is great to hear his voice. Sometimes he sounds a little down but I always reassure him of how much I love and miss him. And the most important thing to do is always tell him I’m proud of him for what he’s doing.

It is very hard being a military wife at times but I made this decision and I
wouldn’t give it up for anything. Our anniversary is on the 26th of December. We got married when he came home from break when he was in training. And we have been together 5 years since October. I am going to hold on to him and support him through whatever may come our way. In the end there will be a reward somehow. God will make sure that everything falls into place.

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As submitted by Yelbis

I am filled with a pride that I never knew before because of what my husband does.  I attending meetings, and that is only when he is able to be here with us. It means I will spend countless days and nights alone raising our children, but I don’t complain to my husband.

Being a military wife gives me a double sense of great pride and honor.  I first feel proud to have married such a wonderful, gorgeous man with such a good heart and values who understands and accepts the responsibility of a family so readily.  These qualities alone would be enough to stay in his corner for the rest of my life, but adding to this is the sense of pride I have in him for being altruistic. It takes someone very, special willing to make the kind of every day sacrifices for his country, particularly when many have no idea just how far reaching those sacrifices can be.  I’m glad my husband come back home safe after his turn in Iraq.

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As submitted by Jennifer

Being a military spouse means that life stands still when the commander speaks at an FRG meeting. Being a military wife means rumors become not just an annoyance but a form of subconscious truth and change. Being a military wife means being the man when the man can’t be. It means being a Daddy, a Mommy, and a friend. It means helping your children understand that the man who comes and goes so often is not just a friend or a lover, but a father and a husband. He doesn’t just get angry and quiet, but he cries and laughs. The sacrifices of a military family are endless, and only understood (in the truest for of the word) by those that are in the same position. The worries are uninterrupted. The changes are the only constant thing you have in your life…..except for the love. The LOVE proves it’s strength time and time again. It reaches across deserts, it floats over bullets. It seeps out of packages and transmits over telephones. It acts as the glue that keeps the frustrated wife hanging on. It is the only reason, sometimes, for waiting so long. It connects those few that share common ground. It allows that fleeting glimpse of happiness, that light in all of the darkness….the light that is possible because of the women involved, the children involved, the men involved. The light that is possible because of us, military wives.

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by Amber

I was hoping to find some supportive stories on this discussion board, and it looks like I am looking for something I already have and many lack. My husband I got married on Dec. 4, 2007. We have been together since we were 15 and 16. We have an amazing little boy and know we are very blessed.

Although things are tight I am loving my life as an Army wife. Since I was 17 I have held down a full time job and gone to school full time. My life was crazy, hectic and I felt like I was 20 going on 60 with all the responsibility I had. My husband (boyfriend at the time) was supported by his father, he had NO concept of what I was going through or the stress I was under. He lived a very carefree lifestyle, full of friends and partying. I guess its true when they say opposites attract.

In June of 2007 our son was born and man did things change (mostly for him, lol). He became an excellent father and caretaker. He was on his way to becoming a firefighter. When that was put on hold, he pushed on. He over came HUGE obstacles and did what he had to for our family. On January 3, 2008 he went to Ft. Knox for OSUT (one station unit training). He has worked extremely hard and it is showing.

After months of only being able to verbally speak for a few moments on Sundays and a ton of written letters, I was able to visit him after the completion of his BCT. He is still at Knox and I won’t see him again until May, but I have so much adoration and love for him. When I think of what he is doing for our family and everyone else’s I am filled with so much pride
It’s true being away does have it’s down fall, like lonely nights and some wishful thinking or what if moments. The best thing to do is really keep busy, with a 9 month old that’s not too hard to do, thank God. But when it comes down to it no matter how lonely my nights feel or all the future what-if’s I can’t help but thank my husband for all he has done. I now get to stay home with our baby, its like we traded places.

The Army has turned him into a man with integrity, morals, and a man with a sense of self worth. No matter how many moves we make or how frustrating the whole process can be (and trust me it has been, don’t get me wrong) in my heart and mind I know we can make it through anything together and we will, Home is where the Army sends us.

Take care and stay positive.

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by Mary

So glad you asked. It means happily being next in line, because you stand behind your Soldier and his way of life.

My parents taught me to go to bed on time, and Army life changed that to I’ll hit the rack ASAP, but right now I need to get the house squared away for the movers to come in tomorrow.

You have people telling you how wrong ”this war” is and they expect you to agree. After all, your sweetheart is gone on Valentines day most of the time. When you smile and say you believe in what your husband does, you get the eye-roll, even from family. We are not the first generation of military wives to experience it and we won’t be the last. So tell your sister in law to quit the worrying and get to praying if she’s upset. We don’t have the option of grumbling and hand wringing with those nay-sayers.
You teach your children about the children of the other countries who need their daddy over there to help build a life like we know here. You fill up with pride when your kids get it and they realize that it’s worth the temporary absence. It teaches them to share the most important things in their world, with the world.

It means seeing a uniform and feeling connected to that stranger, because he or she is a part of your life in some way. When I drove past a graduation and saw families lined up from the door to the road while Bryan Adams’ Everything I do (I do it for you) played on the radio, tears absolutely poured down my face. Tears of pride and joy, for the new Soldiers and their supportive families. I may not meet even one but odds are I will, and never even know it.

It also means that maybe for the first time in your life, you will make friends with someone of another race, nationality or religion because military life is an infusion of people from all over the world. You will go to a company picnic on a mandatory fun day, and discover foods that you never would have imagined in your old neighborhood because potential new friends from Georgia or Germany are there to share the day and a meal with you.

It means running into someone you used to know at another post and being amazed that their 6 month old is actually 12 years old now. Has it really been that long when it feels like yesterday? Ah honey, that was four moves ago.

Being a military wife means holding panic and tears at bay until he finally makes it back home, then breaking down while he’s sleeping next to you again.

It is my life and I’m glad I get to share it with women like you who understand what I’m feeling even if nobody else does.

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by Alyse

Being an army wife means having to keep a strong open mind about everything your soldier says and does, being an army wife means never being able to plan a vacation because you don’t have enough leave yet, being an army wife means having to wait until the 1st and 15th of everything month in order to run over to the closest WalMart and buy some new clothes for yourself or get those groceries you have been waiting for since the 10th of the month, being an army wife means some long nights away from each other and a baby that’s all yours, being an army wife is telling your child when they ask where daddy is to always say he is at work, being an army wife is meeting some of the best women in the world who will become the best friends you have ever had, being an army wife is waiting out those long deployments but in the end when he walks off that plane and in to your arms, you know everything was worth it, deployments are hard on all of us and that long training before is even harder but we are some of the strongest women in the world and because of that GOD made us ARMY WIVES.

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by JoAnna

What does it mean to me to be a military wife? My husband and I have been married for almost three years now. He had already been in the service for 4 years when we first began to date. He knew what it meant to be separated, to be lonely, to be strong, and to be hopeful about the next reunion. I on the other hand had never even stepped foot on a military base. All I knew was that these guys sure did look cute in their uniforms. But now I find myself in this relationship with a full time solider and part time husband. Every single day is a new learning experience for me. Not only have I figured out what it means to be a supportive army wife I am able to see the silver lining around our separation. I went the first 2 and half years of our marriage being spoiled by our nights of endless cuddling, talking, and the over all connection we were able to form. Never once did I have to roll over in bed and remind myself that he was gone and hug a pillow in his absences. Here I am now blinded by separation and the pain it wedges into your heart and marriage.

My job and role as a military wife has taken on a new meaning. I went so long living in the civilian world with such an inaccurate view of what the military really does for and to a family and marriage. I went about my day without ever having to worry about whether or not my husband was in harms way. We ate dinner together, had our Sunday mornings together and some days I even took our time together for granted in those first 2 years. I was married to a solider but didn’t have an understanding of what being an Army wife meant just yet. Well, now I know, it means holding together the world you created with your husband together without him. It means being comfortable enough in your world to take on the multiple roles that are automatically placed on when they leave while remaining grateful for all you have. Being happy and staying positive when all you want to do is stay in bed with the shades drawn and pretend the world couldn’t possibly still be spinning when your other half is MIA.

NO being a military spouse is something so big you can’t even recognize how large the task at hand is until it is complete. I know the world does go round even when my husbands gone and that his physical absence doesn’t mean his love is absent. Even though a lot has been done and said that could suggest other wise, but when the day is over I know the stress of the military will not break this bond at least not today and I will do my damndest to ensure that we survive it again tomorrow and the next day and for all our years to come even after we wave the Army good bye and go about our marriage with our long nights of endless longing for one another are over.

I am proud to me a military wife and even prouder to know that God has chosen me to endure this task. I wouldn’t trade this life for anything because it makes me who I am today – a strong, supportive, and optimistic woman with a strong exterior and soft heart for all those who share this life.

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by Kristin

Most of us have our lives on hold as we follow our husbands around the country and stand behind them 100%, even if sometimes it means we have to be unhappy so he can continue to do the one thing he has decided to dedicate his life too (besides us). Of course you need to be independent, patient, spontaneous, giving, caring, understanding, willing to move at the drop of a hat…etc. That’s all true, but all too often complained about. When it all comes down I think that there is one key to being a successful military wife, the ability to love your soldier more then you love yourself. It’s the only quality you need to possess. Because if that’s truly how you feel in your heart, the rest will come easy.