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Cheated on by Soldier

My husband is in Iraq and before he left he gave me a general power of attorney. He was cheating on me before he left and since being out there he decided to leave me for this other woman. He changed his paycheck to be deposited in another account so I will not have access to. I called his commander and he told me he can’t tell a solider to give money to his family. He is getting money from being married to me and we have three kids. What can I do or who can I talk to for help?

The best piece of advice I can give you is to speak with JAG or a civilian attorney. While I have other ideas (since you do have a POA), I am not in any position to give legal advice to you. I wish you the best and hope you have a satisfactory outcome for the situation.

About the author: Stacey is an Army wife of a soldier who joined in 2003. He has since been medically retired but she continues to provide information to Army wives and families to make their adjustment to the Army lifestyle easier. Connect with Stacey: Facebook Twitter Pinterest

{ 6 comments… add one }

  • Teresa Law September 20, 2010, 7:16 pm

    THats not true, he cannot abandon you while in the military. Call the Army Dept of Personell, they will give you the number to the IG. I went thru that crap 2 yrs ago, they even took the adultry case and I was able to prove it, due to the 1st girls family not liken him very much for being a liar and a cheater. THey got him for non-payment and the adultry. You are entitled to the BAH, it belongs to the family, not the soldier and until you are divorced, you are married in the Army’s eye’s. My soon to be ex of 17 yrs, his commanders acted like they were going to investigate and they sept it under the rug, so I calle Dept Of Army Personell and they gave me to the IG and thay made his command do a through investigation and made him pay me, Im still getting BAH until its final. The Armey regulations, you should be able to get those from any JAG office or Base Admin. They are supposed to help you!

  • John Doe December 2, 2010, 10:33 am

    First, you should indeed go to JAG. But, here’s the info you should go with: he has a duty under military regulation to support his family – there is a calculation based on his pay which determines how much he must pay you – but you only get money from the point at which you request / demand that entitled payment. So, go demand it – if he doesn’t pay, you are entitled to back pay from the time you first made the demand. Put this money in a seperate account of your own. Also, you have a POA. Empty all of his accounts, sell his things (which are part of your joint marital property) and take out a loan in his name to support you and the kids. Get JAG representation regarding a pending divorce, so that you aren’t conflicted out of the JAG office and forced to get a civilian lawyer – first come, first served. This isn’t legal advice, but should put you on the right path.

  • Holly December 26, 2011, 9:50 pm

    Im in the same boat here… I am recently new to army life…I’ve been married to my husband for 8 years and while he was in ait he appently met a girl and persued a relationship with her changing accounts and etc…. As well…. Now just recently asking for divorce whe I’m pregnant with our third child… He’s deployed and I’ve went to the ig and it seems to be getting swiped under the rug so who do you go to next or what go you do????

    • shayna July 28, 2013, 12:10 pm

      get an attorney! There are legal services that are probono….not the best but it’s something.. Then go to JAG and get a separation agreement…make him PAY spousal support and child support! Unfortunately here at Fort Riley it’s all about the “Bro” code and they will cover their soliders butts to keep their unit form getting a black eye. If that doesn’t work, the local news and your senators love stories about how their tax dollars are being used to protect soliders who DONT take care of their families!!

      Good Luck! This is not an easy road to travel and they will try to break you down every chance they get! Be strong!

  • abbgayle respress April 30, 2012, 2:44 am

    I was married for 4 yrs but seems like i was seperated for 4 yrs because my husband never comes back after we get married and had an affair with mexican woman and got 2 kids , and now there living together in SAN antonio TExas , while me is here in phils .. His been in the army for 15 yrs then get a medical retirement i think .At 1st i forgive him coz he always making a promise thae he will get me and bring me there with him . After that i never heard from him and he stop his support so i decided to go back to korea to work coz i need money to support my daughter . And when i get there in krea aug 28 ,2010 i thought thats the better way for him to get me coz they said it was easy if im in korea and my mil husband gets me to bring there in us .. I get my husband to support with the helped of his chain of command and some helped of y friends there . I had my mil id cards i get paid every pay day ,but still i need to work for a better future .I kkep sending my husband an email regarding for him to get me but i just wait for nothing there and until now he just wanting me to wait and wait for nothing while he was there with his GF .Now that his retired i don’t even heard anything from him , if i just msg him then he will msg me back but just a short and nonsense .. The other day he asked me about my passport and my stuff , asking if i still have it ,ofcourse i have all my documents and his birth certificate and some copy of his pics with his gf and there kids . I don’t want him to get in trouble but his the one that made himself to be introuble whne he starts cheating and lying to me knowing that he have plans for me and our future and thats all lies from him ..Now i wonder coz i had some research about him getting a retirement pay ybe he needs thats documents to get him paid and after him gets paid Im just nothing again ,knowing that he gets pais because he was legally married to me . I just wanna know whats the best thing to do now that his retired knowing that i still have the part of it .I want to have my rights as a LEGAL wife .. And i wanna know if theres a way to know if my husband gets married to his gf there in us while we are married here in phils . ? That is for ADULTERY and bigammy . thank you and hope to hear from you . Mybe if he just don’t lied to me about everything mybe i can understand him .,but its not easy for me to trust him again because of what happened and what he did to me ..

  • tammy June 27, 2012, 2:06 am

    My husband was cheating also…starred when he was deployed…which seems to be a trend these days..unfortunately the army does not seem to care about the family anymore! Out did they ever. I was told that this was a domestic master and the courts would take care if it. Apparently 1st sgt Perry if Ft Carson does not control his soldiers. The fact that deployment causes problems in a marriage and the aftermath of such deployments is not the problem of the army but of that of the family is a thought that is irrational and this problem should nd directly addressed within the army. So many times it is the wife that us accused of bring the cheater, but the reality is that the the army is to blame! Let’s take care if the family and recognize what these deployments do to family rather than standing behind the lines. That commander you spoke with was completely wrong….the soldier nerds to care for the family regardless!

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