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Ask An Army Spouse: Dating a Soldier Online Scam

These scams where you believe you are dating a soldier are becoming more and more common. They seem to come up with new ways to run the scam on a daily basis. If the person you are speaking to requests money in any form, cut off all communication. Here are some more signs you’re involved in a dating scam.

Scam: Form Letter to Request Time Off

Hi.. i have a .. I found a soldier online.. We have been talking for quite sometime and he says he loves me.. Well I just found out that he was courting two women. Myself and another women.. I mean he was playing us both. He was even writing us the same letters.. Like a cut an paste thing.. Well us girls found out about each other and busted him.. Well to make things short.. He ended up picking me.. I am leery about everything he says now.. I don’t know if he is really in love with me or just playing me to get some time off.. See he wants to marry me he says.. He wants me to write a letter to the army requesting time off so we CAN get married.. I am not sure if this is a scam that the guys pull, to keep themselves busy..He doesn’t want to talk about where we will go when he gets back.. My house or his house.. Just keeps saying we can talk about if and when he gets leave time.. Do you think I am being paranoid or now that he has made his decision and picked me. Is he sincere.. He isn’t going to use me for time off and then blow me off when he gets back to the states.. I need some advice.. I really like him and I want to trust him.. But need to know if this is what the men do for amusement.. Up for any suggestions and advice.. Thanks Michelle


The entire thing would make me very leery, personally. The thing that sticks out most to me is him asking you to write to request time off for him so he can get married. This is simply not how the Army works. The Army does not process requests for time off from the girlfriend (or wife for that matter) of a soldier. It is up to him to put in a request for time off. Some units will not even allow individual time off and the soldier can only have leave when the unit as a whole takes it.

You didn’t mention if he is deployed, but I’m willing to bet that after you request his leave time, he will then request money to be able to take the leave. Nearly every scam I’ve been informed of in the past few months has included this.

He should also be willing to tell you where he is, where he is stationed, where you would both live after getting married, etc. Do you know what unit he is assigned to? Has he given you an AKO email address (his name @ us.army.mil)? I would definitely ask more questions. And if he asks you for money, you should cut off contact with him.

Good luck!

Scam: Sending Email to Request Phone Line and Paying For It

I have been chatting with a man who said he is in the Army and is in Iraq. he would like to talk on the phone and said there is protocol to follow. I am to send a e-mail requesting to get connected with him, he said there is a fee and then all calls are free.  He also mentioned something about registering and then I can request for him to get leave. This is the first time I have ever done anything like this and I am not sure its real. Is there a way to find out if this person is really in the Army? Any suggestions would be great. Thank you.


I am afraid this is most likely a scam. When soldiers are overseas, there is no reason for other people to be paying for their communication. They make more money when they are deployed than when they are stateside and generally have less expenses. Also, almost every post in Iraq and Afghanistan has MWR phone lines available where the soldiers can call home at no charge.

There is also no reason for you to request for him to get leave. This is something that he has to do. The Army is not going to recognize a leave request from a civilian. In other cases that I have been informed of, the request is typically granted and then an outrageous amount of money (in the thousands) is requested to purchase a flight. This is a scam as well as soldiers do not have to pay for their flights in or out of Iraq or Afghanistan.

I’m sorry he has tried to scam you.

Scam: Paying for an Internet Connection Overseas

I have met a soldier online,  seems nice. We have beem talking for quite sometime now and he says he’s deployed to Afghanistan and will be going to iraq for 3months so he will not be able to chat online. He told me to write to ts2militarycall. They wrote back saying I should subscribe with a fee of 524. What I want to know is are there no internet connections in Iraq and is there a cheaper way to call? He says he’s a sergeant. Is this another scam?


Yes, this is a scam. In almost all cases, he has access to the internet as well as phones through the MWR in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Depending on where he is, he may not be able to call very often but it would be very unlikely for it to be completely impossible. There’s also no reason why YOU should be paying for it. He makes more money as a deployed soldier than he makes when he is stateside. If he wants additional communication capabilities, he can easily afford the cost to do it.

I’m sorry.

Scam: Paying for His Leave from Overseas

I have a few concerns and i need to know if my gut instinct is telling me the right thing, before someone i care for ends up seerioulsy hurt or scammed for money she doesn’t have. My sister has been speaking with a guy who is in the army and is apparently a sargent. He has been telling her that he will be coming to see her when he can get a leave. Also, she should be getting a verification number shortly from the base , and then she will be gettting his leave money as he has put her down as his next of kin. this money will not be in a cheque form as the army has to be careful of fraud. therefore they will be using western union for the transaction. I have tried to tell my sister this all sounds like a hoax, but she is falling for this MIKE guy fast. He apparently has 2 children who attend a boarding school. I can not for the life of me , see how this so called sargent would want to give up his life long ambition in the army to be the boyfriend of a woman who he has never personally met. Do you have any insight to this concern. if my thoughts are true, how do i break this news to her.
Look forward to hearing from you SOON.

This is a scam. There is no transfer of funds when they go on leave. The Army pays for their leave during a deployment. They will pay for them to travel to any destination they choose. The only requirement is that they fly back to the combat zone from the same location. I’m sorry.

Scam: Completing Leave Forms to Return from Deployment

I met a girl online. For two months she seemed nice. Then she said I could request leave on her behalf and she gave me an email address. I wrote to it. They answered immediately asking me to fill out 1 form. I did it. The next day they asked me to Western Union $2350 to her replacement in Ecuador and she would be granted leave within 12 hrs. After this, since I had been skeptical for a while, I called her on it and she erupted. The forms have two other “officers” names on them. The forms were so bogus. They listed the Dept of Defense at an address not in the Pentagon, but at Washington DC, WA. Since I called her on the scam, she said I better be careful before I get myself in trouble and that she knows where I live and my child’s name. Is this a common scam? Should I be worried? I have all the forms and documentation and IP address. Help me.


This is becoming a very common scam. First, the military does not ask civilians (relatives or otherwise) to write to request leave for a soldier. This is all handled by the soldier. Secondly, there would not be an exchange of money involved with it.

Quite a few that have contacted me about similar scams have said they and their families were threatened when they refused to send money (or refused to send more money). If I were in your shoes, I would contact the authorities in your area. You may also contact a CID (Criminal Investigation Division) for the branch of service she was claiming to be.

About the author: Stacey is an Army wife of a soldier who joined in 2003. He has since been medically retired but she continues to provide information to Army wives and families to make their adjustment to the Army lifestyle easier. Connect with Stacey: Facebook Twitter Pinterest

{ 167 comments… add one }

  • Sharonne May 19, 2015, 2:59 am

    HI, I am Sharonne, met this guy online, Scott Miller and we have been chatting for sometime. When we started chatting, he told me he was duped by a certain lady and asked if i would do the same. I told him i was not interested with money but a LTR. He has been good, we chat almost daily on yahoo, he sent a couple of pics and one for his son. He says a baby sitter who works with UNICEF takes care of his son. Recently he said the baby sitter wanted some cash for his son and he doesn’t have now. He didn’t ask me the money though. I told him to negotiate with the sitter to incur her costs now that he is on deployment until he is done but he says the sitter said she is broke…ask if he could ask anyone back home to help him and he said he has no one. No sibling and i assume no parents. I came across this site and thought maybe i could put this across to ask he is real or just an identity theft. Below is a message he sent when we started
    “I’m gonna be 35yrs old man on the 16th of may and I’m 6.2tall from dallas texas,I’m a widower with a kid.A very good friend of mine got me started on the site as a way of finding my soul mate.. You’ll need to know that I’m serving the US Army and currently on deployment here in Afghanistan…. I am also a former US Marine infantryman, having served 5 active years with different infantry units, from Camp Pendleton, CA. NC (3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment) I have been to a bunch of places in the world, some of them hot spots and continue to do so today.I’m fortunate to command a small, very specialized unit and get to interact with many guys on the tip of the spear: US service members of all branches and ranks, Coalition forces, contractors and locals. I feel I’ve got a perspective not often seen in the media. Seeing as I’m heading back home soon, that also gives me a ‘different’ perspective.I generally socialize outside of the military community since I’m single and my peers are pretty much all married with children……….”

  • Denita June 9, 2015, 9:16 am

    ok, I met this guy online who claims to be a soldier..he says he needs to put some money into my acct for him to come home..says his ex was using is money so he canceled the card. I asked for the military email..says it’s just for his son to contact him..fake?

  • karla adams June 16, 2015, 2:57 pm

    I have a question. I’m kinda confused on why someone would ask for money for a medical card when they were hit with a flying bullet. They are in a hospital but still need to see a specialist. I met him before he went in and everything seems to check out ok with him. How do I go about checking out about this medical card? Please help?

  • Marilyn June 28, 2015, 4:45 pm

    I have been texting a guy for 10 months, he just sent flowers candy a stuff beer delivered to me…his name is Mario r. Noell his email is rangermario880@yahoo.com and I have tried to fine out if he is the real deal, but no results…

    His phone number is 7147708911
    He is suppose to be in Kabul,Afghanistan and I can’t find any info.. He has ask me to max out credit card or open a acct. To keep his deployment funds going to his family, due to the fact that navy fed. Credit union and ther credit union has been over drawn due to kiss and ex wife.. I feel he is not real, but I still want confirmation that he is trying to scam me..I haven’t gave no info. Or nothing about my credit card or my acct…can you please help me .. I am the mother of a CHeif Petty Officer in the Navy..thank you for your time

  • Mina July 13, 2015, 2:05 am

    I met a supposed officer on Christisn Singles. He asked me to get off there and for us to speak on Whatsaapp.

    Today he asked me to get a phone for him so that we could talk via phone. He told me there would be a small cost for the phone and after they will credit me back. He said he will be out in 4 months. I am pretty sure that it is a scam. I did tell him that I will have to check it out. He said it’s ok. This is the site he told me to go on: phoneactivation.departmentkabulbase@usa.com

    His name that he used is llewellynmaxwell@yahoo.com.

    This is a scam right?

  • Ann eastwood July 21, 2015, 6:12 pm

    I think I got scam. I did give him some money to get the satellite phone. I’ll never see that again. He is also asking me to ask the general for him to have a leave.and thank God I was smarter enough nit to do that. I told him that my car has broken down and need the money at first he was k but then he was saying that I was playing games.well we shall see what happens to see if he does like me.not waiting for him.the name is Michael Deimel

  • Cindy July 22, 2015, 3:54 pm

    Just wanted to say I have been texting a soldier in Nigeria for a year now. Never asked for money but has used all the othe excuses. No food and can’t have access to his funds. Has not missed a day in a year texting me. He also was supposed to come home in December but got ambushed by terrorists. I have a bad feeling even though no money has been asked for and he is there texting every day

  • Redd July 23, 2015, 10:01 am

    I am currently texting a guy who as to be military (army) and he has not asked for money he actually sent me flowers and chocolates then he sent me a ring. However he did ask fory banking info and he askede to send my drivers license so when he came on leave that the at will know who he was with in case he doesn’t come back. As stupid as it sounds I have already fell for his scams I am confused because he has not done the typical just the bank info he wanted me to send money after he deposited it in my bank to people who will help process his leave he did say they were military and I didn’t have to do anything he told me they will handle the flight but he’ll need a hotel when he gets here. I’m not sure wats going one bank allowed his first transaction to come thru they said the cancelled it but it came thru anyway. He did ask to set up another acct. even before the issue with the first one. He had different choices of banks to go too. I’m confused because he has sent me things. We never text long maybe 2 hrs at the most a day. When confronted with the issue of the bank he never stopped texting or anything he still talking the same way as before I need mediate help . Confused

  • Sandy July 24, 2015, 8:33 pm

    I met a guy on Facebook. He claims to be an E-8 Sargeant. He says he is currently deployed to Africa. Within a day he started telling me he loved me. I was like whoa dude slow down. He did, but he is now talking about a fiancé form ft jat needs to be filled out so he doesn’t get in trouble for sneaking and texting me on an app called whatsapp. I asked him for his ako email address and he says he is calling it’s quits cause he feels I don’t trust him. But I asked what was a fiancé form and he never said. So I started wondering is this guy real? Is this a scam? What is a fiancé form?

  • Elizabetb July 26, 2015, 9:53 am

    Hi my name is Liz, I have met this guy who’s name is French amos patrick ! He says he a medical officer in the army and is posted at the american army base in Abuja. We have been talking for a few months and now he want me to write a letter to his commander so that we are able to chat on the phone as it’s protocol to that before we can talk! His commander approved it and said to send the $100 via Western Union with MTCN number so he able to pick it! Can you please tell me if I am being scammed? Thanks Liz

  • Stacey Joseph August 22, 2015, 9:40 am

    I have been talking with a guy who states he is stationed in Turkey. Email address is stevegreen4steve@yahoo.com. States he moved from California in 2005 and in now living in Perrysville, Ohio. He is 6’1″, never married, but has one son that is 7.
    He has sent me 3 pictures, 2 of which were not the ones on the dating website. He has not asked for money and we are able to text intermittently everyday. He states there is a 7 hour time difference.
    His profile states he is 38. Is he real?

    • Ruthann Walker October 6, 2015, 10:43 pm

      Is this guy’s name Steve Reynolds? He’s a scam. I met him on ourtime. I trusted him and he deposited FAKE government checks into my account. The only real thing about him is his story. Beware

    • Ruthann Walker October 7, 2015, 12:22 am

      This guys name Steve Wayne Reynolds? I “met” him Aug 8, 2015. I got the same information from him. He is a scammer. He tried to scam me out of quite a lot of money. Beware of this man. I have several pictures of him still simply because I have been researching him and trying to get the word out of what kind of person he is. Do not believe a word he says.

    • Ruthann Walker October 7, 2015, 6:14 am

      I just wanted to ipdate, I am now getting threats from this guy. Stating he prays I die and he is working on that!

  • Penelope caceres August 31, 2015, 7:59 pm

    He was on a dateing site.call meet me and we started chat talk after 4 weeks he said what size ring I was and I said 4 the next day he said if I could help him pay this land he had In ta Texas and I say why and he said he could not do it from there for me to get a credit card from USAA and he would send me the money for me to pay his land is this a scam help

    • Karen September 30, 2015, 8:10 am

      Tried to be scammed by Major Matthew Grinstead claims to be a Army Soldier in Sudan wanting me to send money to his kids in Texas with a friends Aunt where the kids were originally suppose to be in New Jersey with his male friend (two girls 8&3) Kaylen& Keller. Says he lives in Coronado California. Asked me to pay ts2 military communications $500 to talk to him on a secure line. Women don’t be scammed by stupidity. His email address is: Mattgrinstead8@gmail.com phone 801-876-4024

  • juris_08 September 1, 2015, 7:04 am

    I have been talking with this guy for 5 months… Widower and have a 7 yrs. old son. Deployed in Yemen and in a covert mission. I met him on FB as i accepted the friend request from him. He told me to send a a request for his leave of absence,which i did. The commander replied along with the price depends how long is the leave. I did sent the money via western union and money gram for his leave and Basic Travel Allowance $2,135. He told me that it will be reimbursed once he arrived. On my way to the airport to pick him up,receive a message from him saying that he’s on hold in the airport. I have to bail him out as the military has no budget for that. Commander told me that US Embassy/Consulate cannot help him and a Human right Activist will rescue him to clear his name in the laundering case so he can continue to his flight. I asked him is AKO and other details but he doesn’t want to give as it is confidential? Even the SSN? As he says he’s part of a special forces. Now the military is pressuring me to bail him…..

  • Shane September 12, 2015, 9:34 am

    I have been talking to a guy that I’ve meet on skout. We’ve been talking for a couple of months now. He said skout is too slow so he gave me his another apps which is kik, we transfer there and we’ve been talking and chatting there. I just wanna ask if I’m in scam? He said he will send me money. He told me that When his AKO arrive he will send money for money. But one thing is he ask the full information of my bank account because that was AKO needs… Is it true that the AKO of the soldier really needs full bank account information to transfer money from him to me. And he said too. If I don’t have account in bank, all I need is to register AKO to be able from him to transfer money from him to me… Did he scam me or not.. I want an answer pls, I need to know…

  • Darla September 26, 2015, 9:42 am

    Met a man named Lucas James Sauve says he was in Afghanistan and was moved from there to West Africa and he is a combat medic. He wanted me to send him money because supposedly the base ran out of food. Which I know is a lie right there. I have been scammed before and know what the red flags are. I just want to know if he is military or am I being scammed again. His yahoo is scottd371@yahoo. He says he has no parents and his only brother was kia in Iraq. He is also on facebook. I told him I would be willing to send a package to him and asked for his APO and he said that there were too many addresses. Am I being scammed again? Help

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