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Ask An Army Spouse: Divorce in the Army


My daughter is 18 years old and was talked into marriage by a guy serving in the Army. He was in Afghanistan. She stayed by the computer every day to speak with him. He is getting back to Tennessee on January 4. Yesterday morning, he called her to say he doesn’t want her to come down to be with him because she is only 18, and he will go out to bars that she can’t get into. Now he says he wants a divorce after one month.

She has had a medical condition for years, and we dropped her from our insurance when they married. He has not supported her and says she can get nothing. What are we supposed to do? Turns out this is his second marriage, and he’s only 23. He even talked her into tattooing his name on her. I feel like he really messed her life up. I’m not saying she shouldn’t have known better, but there has to be something we can do.

That is really sad. It sounds like he married her just for the extra pay. He should have been providing her some financial support as he did get extra money for being married in the form of BAH (housing allowance).

If they were married during the deployment, he also received a separation allowance while he was gone.

If she files for divorce, she should speak to her lawyer about that – it can be sent directly to her as an allotment from his paycheck until the divorce is final and any alimony is set up. I’m very sorry that she is dealing with this.

In these types of cases, the Chaplain on post can also typically be of some assistance. If for nothing else, he can provide the moral support she may need at this time.

If she’s going to be attending college, can you add her back to your insurance plan? I think most plans say the college student has to be unmarried, but I don’t recall seeing a clause where she can’t have been married in the past.

Of course, this can vary by plan, so it would be best to check with your insurance plan. It’s also possible she may be able to get coverage through the CHCBP program under Tricare, which provides temporary coverage after normal coverage has lapsed.

However, it’s not without cost and can be rather expensive.

I hope she can get her life back on track after all that she’s been through with him.

Filing for Divorce from a Soldier

Well, my husband and I have been married for a little over a year. The day after we were married, he was sent to Iraq and returned after about 4 months. I tried to go see him but couldn’t, and he “claims” not to have had leave. When I asked him to let me move with him when he was moving to GA, he said no.

I have been catching him lying to me a lot and seeing new girls on his Facebook and him talking to girls on the phone, calling them “babe.” When I confronted him about it, he said, “Oh, I call all the girls on my phone.” Really?!

Well, I haven’t seen him since the morning after we were married, and we are now separated but not legally. I get an $850 housing allowance from him, but I want to move on with my life. But because of money, he doesn’t want to get divorced.

Is there any way I can move on and not get in trouble with owing the state money or something? I would like to move on and continue my life without crying and headaches. Any advice will help. Thanks!

You can serve him with divorce papers as long as he is stateside. And that’s exactly what I would do.

There’s no reason to be treated as poorly as he treats you for a “financial benefit” from marriage. It sounds like he wants to be single based on his actions, so help him out in that regard and serve him papers.

Leaving Him & Taking the Child

My husband of 6 years told me that I must be with him at this duty station. I’m here against my will and have wanted a divorce for the past year after being away from him and realizing I deserve not to be emotionally or physically abused. He deployed, and I moved back to our home state for a little over a year.

I’m now at the new station with him thinking it might have been a bad choice to move. Can I take our son and move home? Do I have to be here? I feel lied to and upset. Out of the 6 years we have been married, we have lived together a total of around 3.

If it was only you, you could certainly leave with no problem. But because there’s a child involved, it’s more complicated.

I recommend you contact an attorney and find out what your options may be. I’m sorry you’re in this situation.

JAG & Filing for Divorce

My brother and his wife have filed for divorce. Both are in the military, but she was stationed overseas. She will be returning soon, and he’s hoping to finish up the divorce process. Does JAG have anything to do with this? The petition for the divorce was filed almost a year ago, but since she’s overseas, it was hard getting it done. Can anyone help me out with this?

JAG generally only provides advice to military members but will refer out to civilian attorneys.

I have heard of cases where JAG handled the divorce because it was not contested and was very cut and dry. In most situations, they would only offer advice and not actually handle the divorce itself.

Divorce While Living in Germany

Hello, I needed to ask a couple of ?s. My husband and I just aren’t working out. He’s not giving me any money whatsoever; basically, all he does is put food in the house (that’s what he calls supporting me), and it’s only food he likes to eat. I’m stuck in Germany with no money or car; I’m trying to go back home to the states and get EROT.

I’ve asked him to send me home, but he won’t, nor will he help with the EROT process because he’s collecting all the extra money if he’s getting any. What do I have to do to complete this process the fastest way possible, and how long does it take? And if I divorce him do I get BAH for a certain time after the divorce?


There are no guarantees on how much you will receive after your divorce. It will depend on the divorce settlement.

I would recommend you speak to JAG and the Chaplain about finding a resolution, including finding a way to return home.

Soldier Has Disappeared

I cannot locate my military husband. He left me shortly after joining the military in Ft Hood, Texas……when I tried to call his battery; they refused to tell me any info. His UNIT is 600 miles from where I am living… I tried calling the Red Cross…they told me they cannot tell me his whereabouts, but they can give him a message to call me. He never did….He just stopped my BAH recently. What can I do? How can I get a divorce? I have no money or income.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. If it were me, I would try to call the Chaplain for his unit to enlist his assistance. You may also contact JAG.

Contact a civilian attorney to start your divorce proceedings if all else fails. Typically, JAG will not get involved except in rare circumstances with the divorce proceedings. You will need a civilian attorney.

Good luck.

author avatar
Stacey Abler
Stacey's husband joined the Army in 2003 and was medically retired after four deployments. She enjoys sharing her experiences and expertise around Army life while continuing to support Army spouses and families in their military journey.

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  1. My husband who I have been married to for 12 years and have 3 children with ages 5,3,and 5 months has been sleeping with his Staff Sergeant and he got her pregnant . He is a E5 in the Army and I want to know what the outcome will be if turn him in. I spoke to relatives who are in the military and they say it’s hard to prove adultery but hello she’s not denying they’ve been messing around for like a year and half . I have called Jag and spoke to a divorce attorney so I’m wondering what’s the next step could be ?

  2. I’ve been married for almost 2 years and my husband recently joined the navy. He just went to boot camp. He left behind a phone and I go through it and find out he’s been talking to other girls talking about how he loves their lips and that they are his type. He made another account of Snapchat that I didn’t even know of to talk to these girls. One girl admitted to me she had no idea he was married that he never mentioned it. After finding these pictures and flirting of him with other woman I’m distrust and just want to get a divorce. On top of that we have a 1 year old boy and I am currently pregnant. In the past before he’s told me he wouldn’t give me a cent and leave me in the ruins. I want to file for divorce but I don’t know if I can. After boot camp he goes to Pensacola for training. Someone please help. I no longer want to be married to this man

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