Last Updated on May 18, 2023
This post was submitted by a site visitor who refers to herself as Mrs. Prim & Proper. It does not necessarily reflect my views. I actually don’t like being called Mrs. XYZ. But all of us being different is what makes the world go round!
While I would never actually TELL SOMEONE to call me Mrs., I absolutely love it when people refer to me by my title and husband’s family name.
While giving up my maiden last name Kennedy (which, by the way, is probably one of the coolest last names on Earth, if not THE coolest) was hard, I will always have Kennedy in me by blood.
My husband’s family is a family I have no genetic ties to, no blood pulsing through my veins screaming, “You’re an XYZ, you’re an XYZ.” Because of that, it means so much to me to know that someone, a group of people, in fact, has decided I am worthy to share their last name – without their blood.
I am proud to be called Mrs. When I hear his last name; there is a reminder of how proud I am of the man who gave it to me, someone who trusted me not to ruin it, not to run it into the ground, or slander it, or disrespect it. It also reminds me of my wedding vows.
Yes, to be honest, each and every time someone uses my Mrs. name, I hear a part of me say, “It’s not just a name.” What an indescribable honor for a man to think so highly of me that he trusts me with his name, a representation of him. I can only be giddy like a girl on her first date when someone uses it in reference to his wife – me.
To each their own, but it makes me sad when women would rather be called by their first names. I’m not a hoity-toity kind of person, but I do wish we as a society would go back to the formalities and graces of past generations. They created not only a sense of respect for those around us that seems to be much less existent today than before, but they also created an air of self-respect and responsibility.
Selfishness & Feminism
Part of me believes we have steered away just because we are lazy, we like instant gratification, and we just plain do not care. What do I think the real reason is? Selfishness. I believe the feminist movement really did social protocol in, put it to bed, and said, “Good Night.” It became all about us, how we do not need a man, we are just as strong, just as capable, and I have MY first name, not HIS last name.
Now I know some of you are thinking, “Well, it’s just more personable to have people call me by my first name.” I disagree with this argument from beginning to end. I do not feel any closer, less formal, or warm and fuzzy to someone just because I use his or her first name.
Nope, sorry, I have tried. I truly believe that using Mr. and Mrs. (or rank for our Military Service Members) is such a simple form of showing respect that it’s baffling to me that people refuse it so often.
The other big argument to this is, “You’re disrespecting me more by using Mr/Mrs/Rank because that is not what I prefer.” This one just gets my bloomers all tied in knots. How on Earth can someone disrespect you by offering the simplest sign of respect? I mean really?
I am so sorry I offended you by trying to be respectful. At this point, my head is normally tilted to one side; one eye is normally bigger than the other, with a huge expression of confusion on my face.
I just do not understand why people feel the need to be addressed by their first name all the time. I feel less comfortable because I must now break a cardinal social grace of respect because you do not like it. So does that make me a pushover to peer pressure…..okay we will save that topic for another day!
Another major argument that I often hear is, “It makes me feel old.” Let me give you my take on this one as if you did not already know that it was coming.
I was once told by an older woman – as in old enough to be at least my grandmother – that age is an attitude, not a number. She also cautioned me not to confuse our age in years with maturity. She explained to me that she had met quite a few young people who had more wisdom at 20 than some of the 30-somethings she knew.
Then there’s the mother-in-law argument, “It reminds me of my mother-in-law.” A few things on this one.
First of all, whether or not you have a good relationship with your mother-in-law aside, she is the person who put the man you married on this Earth, and the only reason she is Mrs. So-and-So is because she married the father of your husband. She gave up her maiden name just like you gave up yours.
With this in mind, by refusing to use Mrs. (insert YOUR husband’s family name) you are not only expressing that your husband’s family name is not good enough for you to use but essentially making it known that because his mother uses it, you do not want to.
To me, that’s the ultimate insult to another woman, especially the one who labored and raised the man you hold so dear. Besides, you do have the choice to make a new image for the Mrs. in the family.
The last argument that comes up is, “I am an independent person; I am not just a wife. Therefore, I would like to be called by my first name.” And yes, trust me, I have heard this more than once in some form or another. My simple response is to go back to the Bible, specifically Genesis 2:24, “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
The things my husband does reflect on me because we are one, and the things I do reflect on my husband for the same reason. We may have given up our family names as wives, but according to the Bible, our husbands leave their families to be with us – which is the bigger sacrifice?
We should be honored and feel that it is a privilege to be called by our husband’s last name. We represent our husbands, and we should be so infinitely proud of what that name means to us.
Being called a Mrs. does not take away our own personal achievements. I feel that because of this “one flesh” business the Bible teaches us, we essentially put our individual achievements in one barrel. I can be proud of him for his, and he can be proud of me for mine, but the greater achievement is looking at all that we have done, been through, survived, and succeeded together.
I am beyond amazed at the man I married, I am proud of him and all he does not only for me but for this great Nation. There is no better compliment and no easier one to give than to call me Mrs.